Week 35 - Spanish football mourns Tito Vilanova

     Tito Vilanova was only Barcelona manager for one season and yet played his part in the most successful period in the club's history. In fact, the man from Bellcaire d'Empordà was only a manager for two full seasons in his entire career, which was cut so horribly short last Friday at the age of just 45.

     The professional life of Francesc Vilanova i Bayó was bookended by FC Barcelona. As a youth, he came through La Masia and graduated to Barcelona B where he became friends with Pep Guardiola, who he would link up with again far more memorably later down the line. At that point the pair's careers took different paths, Vilanova deciding to leave in search of first team opportunities and Guardiola staying at the club for over a decade to great success. Vilanova played for a succession of clubs, only appearing sporadically in the top flight while taking in three seasons at Celta Vigo, but the pair stayed in contact over the years nonetheless.

Pep and Tito in their playing days

After hanging up his boots with Gramenet in 2001, Vilanova later embarked into management with a year-long spell at FC Palafrugell which ended with ignominious relegation from the Tercera División. This failure notwithstanding, in 2007 his old friend Guardiola called on him to act as his assistant at Barcelona B. The pair led the team to promotion to Segunda División B in their first season as a double-act, and were then put in charge of first team affairs after Frank Rijkaard left in 2008. Over the next four years, Pep and Tito together revolutionised the style of football played at the club, since copied by a million poor imitations worldwide, which came to be known as tiki-taka. Their first season was the most successful in Barcelona's history, yielding six major trophies, and before Guardiola resigned in 2012 the team won an insane 14 out of a possible 19 dust collectors.

Mourinho's infamous eye-jab

     Although possibly best known on these shores at the time merely for being blind-sided (literally) and poked in the eye by a cowardly Mourinho during a heated Clásico Supercopa game, Vilanova was more than just an assistant manager and coach at Barça. The all-conquering tiki-taka style, as Guardiola himself has been at pains to point out time and again, was jointly developed by the pair, the current Bayern Munich manager explaining previously "I was just the voice of the ideas that Tito and I developed together." Quite apart from his day to day role at the club, Tito helped his friend by serving as a sounding-board, confidant and advisor.
     After Guardiola left to take his sabbatical, Vilanova was the obvious choice to replace him. The new man immediately stepped up to the challenge, his team collecting 55 points from a possible 57 in La Liga, winning 18 of its first 19 games and drawing one. Barcelona went on to win the league that year with 100 points despite the disruption caused by the manager having to be in and out of hospital at various points for treatment following the re-emergence of his throat cancer. Although Tito was determined to start the following season with a clean slate, his cancer reared its head once more, forcing him to step down from his position last July after concluding he could not concentrate 100% on the team while undergoing the continuous and aggressive treatment. Following Vilanova's death last Friday in a Barcelona hospital Guardiola, two years his friend's junior, said simply and touchingly "the sadness I feel will accompany me for the rest of my life".

The masses of flowers outside the stadium

This was just one of many comments from around Spanish football for a man widely recognised not just as a great tactician and organiser, but more importantly as a good man. After his funeral service FC Barcelona announced three days of mourning. Over 53,000 people queued up and visited Camp Nou to sign a book of condolence for the former manager over the weekend including the Barcelona youth team, which includes his 17-year-old son Adrià. The flower memorials and wreathes increase by the hour and flags remain at half mast around the stadium this week, and the players will wear black armbands in next weekend's game just as they did at El Madrigal on Sunday.

Minute silence at El Madrigal

     There was always the danger that the club's players could be unsettled and allow their sadness at their former manager's passing just two days earlier to overshadow them in a crunch game against Villarreal, and in truth that appears to have been the case, but they came away with all three points in the end regardless, although under fortuitous, some might say peculiar, circumstances. The Catalans were 2-0 down to goals from Cani and Manu Trigueros but stormed back to 2-2 thanks to a brace of own goals from hapless Villarreal centre-backs Gabriel and Mateo Musacchio. If the first was unfortunate and made the defender look clownish, the second appeared more suspect, Musacchio heading past Sergio Asenjo under no pressure whatsoever from a couple of yards out. Never ones to look a gift-horse in the food-hole, Barcelona pressed and the winning goal duly came from that man Messi eight minutes from time, with passing move + weak defending = a Barça winner.
     The game started and finished on different notes. The minute's silence was impeccably observed before kickoff and saw Sergio Busquets moved to tears, while in the 75th minute one imbecilic Villarreal fan saw fit to mark the occasion in their own way, by taking everyone back in time. As Dani Alves was preparing to take a corner the TV cameras picked up an object landing near him on the pitch. A banana. Alves calmy peeled the offending fruit and ate a bit before delivering the corner, a well-measured response to this type of idiotic act. Villarreal have since identified the fan who launched the banana and have banned them for life.

Raúl García

     A couple of hours earlier and a short drive away at the Mestalla, Atlético had managed to place one finger upon the Primera División trophy with a 1-0 victory over Valencia. The goal for los Colchoneros came from Raúl García, who nipped in ahead of a marooned Guaita under a looping high ball to glance a header into the empty net. That was the sixth consecutive game in which Atleti have scored a header and was their 16th to arrive in such a fashion all season, placing them behind only Athletic Bilbao in the ranking of goals scored with the noggin.

     Third-placed Real Madrid made short work of Osasuna to keep the pressure on the top two with Cristiano Ronaldo bagging a super-powered brace before defenders Sergio Ramos and Dani Carvajal got in on the act to round out the scoring. In the unlikely event that both Real and Barcelona lose next week, Atleti will wrap up their first Primera División title since 1996 with victory at Levante on Sunday. Although the odds of that happening are extremely slight given both teams are at home, Atlético and coach Cholo Simeone know that two victories from their last three games will ensure they are crowned champions nevertheless. One thing's for sure, it'll be bloody exciting.

"Wanted: Players worthy of this badge"

     Real Betis secured their return to the Segunda División with a characteristically meek defeat at home to Real Sociedad, who kept up their chase for Europe thanks to a penalty from former-Arsenal former-Mexican Carlos Vela. Betis supremo Manuel Domínguez assured fans after the game that "the club is economically sound" and has a "workable plan" which it will be able to put in place in the lower league. Supporters remain worried and mistrusting of his leadership nonetheless, as made clear by various chants and protest banners around the Estadio Benito Villamarín on Saturday. Cross-town rivals Sevilla also had a pretty bad time of it over the weekend, getting shown up 3-1 away at Athletic Bilbao in a European six-pointer. The result surely consigns the Seville team to a season in the Europa League rather than the more shiny and desirable Champions League given Bilbao are now six points ahead with only three games remaining. Málaga are currently in no-mans-land with nothing left to play for either way and boy did it ever show in their match against Getafe. They crumbled early in a nothing match and lost to a 7th-minute Adrián Colunga goal, while Granada were battered 3-0 at home by Rayo Vallecano.
     In fact, Almería were the only Andalusian team to get any kind of positive result, a Suso (yes, the one from Liverpool) free kick securing victory against nine-man Espanyol. Elche huffed and puffed but could only come out with a 1-1 draw against Levante, a result which leaves them three points clear of 18th-placed Almería. The unwanted and unloved Monday night slot falls to Celta Vigo and Valladolid. The hosts are safe and in roughly the same kind of end of season pointlessness as Málaga and a couple of others, whilst a win for the visitors would do wonders for their hopes of avoiding the drop, as well as their feelings of self-worth, no doubt.

     Liga Adelante leaders Deportivo La Coruña were stunned by a 3-0 defeat at the Riazor to 15th-placed Ponferradina on the weekend. The visitors were set on their way by an amusing own-goal from Laure just 10 minutes in, Germán Lux saving a one-on-one before the ball ricocheted straight into the path of his captain and thence straight into the net. "Arse-biscuits!" he may well have cried, and he'd havfe been well within his rights. Second-placed Eibar were unable to take much advantage, drawing 0-0 with Recreativo Huelva at home, while Tenerife and Las Palmas both lost, to Real Jaén and Barcelona B respectively. Of the top six able to go up, only Sporting Gijón were able to muster up more than a point, beating Lugo 2-0, both goals coming thanks to lucky bounces in the area and snaffled away before keeper Dani Mallo had a chance to react. To be brutally honest though, his teammates didn't look likely to help him.

Timor celebrates a precise finish

At the very bottom, Girona gave themselves a massive boost towards their aim of escaping the relegation zone by defeating Real Zaragoza at home 2-0. David Timor opened the scoring with a beautifully-placed shot past Leo Franco from the edge of the box before Ortuño finished into the top corner following a scramble brought about by a free kick in the 85th minute, the goal sparking wild celebrations on the touchline as well as in the stands. Unfortunately for the Catalans, their big result came on the same weekend as a couple of the others around them were able to do likewise. Apart from Jaén perhaps getting the result of the day against Tenerife, Alavés came out on top of a relegation six pointer against Mallorca with all three points thanks to a 79th minute Viguera strike.
      The races for both promotion from and salvation within the Segunda División look set to go right to the wire, with seemingly anyone capable of beating anyone else, as demonstrated aptly this week by Real Jaén and Ponferradina. However on this weekend I think it safe to say that those taking part in minute silences before the games will have had the 90 following minutes put into perspective. All apart from one pillock in Villarreal, anyway.

European semis & character assassinations

     Madrid was the centre of the Europe-centric footballing world this week as the Vicente Calderón and Santiago Bernabéu held the first leg matches of the Champions League semi finals. One of these is far more used to these big European nights under the floodlights than the other, but both stadia and sets of fans put on a grand spectacle.
     So...that Atlético Madrid/Chelsea game on Tuesday. What on earth can be said apart from that it was pretty bloody boring? For the first time in a couple of years it really dawned on me how much I missed having real, actual friends. If I had any I'd have been able to go to the cinema with them, go to the pictures, or even just call them up and listen to them moan about the bastard weather rather than watch the full 90 minutes of this drek. Still, to give the home crowd their due, they were bang up for it and created one holy hell of a racket. However, try as they might their players couldn't rise to the same level due to the opposition parking not one but an entire fleet of buses in front of goal.

Chelsea's tactics

In actual fact, it wasn't until around lunchtime on Wednesday that the majority of people in London managed to get in to work, so crippled was the capital's public transport service by the loss of 85% of its buses. Tube workers have now decided to go on strike next week just to make sure all the buses are in use so Mourinho can't station any more at one end of the Stamford Bridge pitch. You might well ask why London commuters didn't take the Tube last Tuesday, but if that's the case then you've never been on a London Underground train in rush hour during a strike and I'm jealous of you. I only managed to get into work before midday because I cycled, but still got in late as the game was so mind-molestingly boring that I ended up falling into a catatonic slumber so deep that it carried on right through two alarms in the morning. Turns out "Chelsea boring the arse off me" is not considered an acceptable excuse for turning up four hours late for work.. Look, I accept it's a case of horses for courses and some will argue the ends justify the means, but for pity's sake football's supposed to be about entertainment! Surely even the most ardent Chelsea fan must want to employ a bit of style, panache, attacking intent and interest at the same time as picking up three points away from home??
     I exaggerate of course, if only slightly. There were a couple of interesting things about Chelsea on Tuesday night, the first being John Obi Mikel's hair: what the pus-spewing hell was that on his head?! I can only assume it was a failed post-modernist attempt at the pineapple of Jason Lee fame. Awful. Hopefully someone showed him a mirror after the match so he knows how much of a tit he looked. The only other interesting thing was Davy Lewis rampaging around the place like a steroid-crazed floor mop on heat. Whoever told this guy he's a defender should really own up and let him in on the joke. He generally tears around the place like some kind of electrocuted idiot-savant child whose sole discernible skill is elbowing the world. I've seen some bad defenders in my time but Davy Lewis really is up there with the worst of them, not so much for talent alone as he's a reasonably tidy footballer when he forgets who he is, but because he really thinks he's a good defender. Davy, two things; one - you're a footballer but not a defender. And two - get a haircut for Christ's sake. Actually three - take Mikel with you when you go down the barber's.

Luiz performing comedy football for the masses

     The #comedydefender was up to his usual tricks in the first half and even succeeded in injuring his own goalkeeper with a particularly idiotic piece of defending. As an Atleti corner was swung in, Lewis stuck to the run of Raúl García before shoving him as hard as he could straight into Petr Čech, who landed awkwardly and had to be replaced by veteran long-arm man Mark Schwarzer. The Czech stopper will not play another game for Chelsea this season. How the Stamford Bridge hierarchy must be kicking themselves now for allowing the excellent Thibaut Courtois to rejoin their opponents here for a third successive season. Still only 21, Chelsea really must make their mind up on the impressive young 'keeper. He's already stated before that he needs to be considered Number One and will surely need to either replace Čech next year or move on.
     Widely reviled captain, leader, racist John Terry also later hobbled off and is expected to miss the second leg, although supremely talented wing-gnome Eden Hazard should have recovered fully from his latest setback by then. The problem for CFC with the injuries starting to take their toll is that they still have to contend for the Premier League as well. With Terry injured, the Blues could see Cahill having to rely on disaster zone Davy Lewis for company and indeed comedy at the back. Gaffes galore one would think, especially with Luis Suárez and Daniel Sturridge up next on Sunday. Jungle survivor Ray Mears will also miss the rest of their league games this season after admitting to copying Davy Lewis and elbowing Sebastian Larsson in the Sunderland game.

     When I woke up eventually from my Mourinho-induced slumber I prayed fervently that the next night's match would actually break out into football, and I wasn't disappointed. Bayern Munich attacked heavily and in numbers, albeit rather slowly, while Real Madrid looked to pick them off on the counter with lightning fast breaks and direct passing. The two philosophies coming together will always make for an interesting spectacle, and so it proved at the Bernabéu. The stats at half time read that Real had completed a mere 91 passes compared to Bayern's 402, but happily football is played on grass rather than computer printouts, and by that time los Blancos were 1-0 to the good.
     Ten touches was all it took for Real to get from one end of the field to the other. Ten. And that included Pepe's arse blocking a shot in the Madrid area to start the move and Benzema's knock into an empty net after two perfect passes from Ronaldo and then, unexpectedly, Fábio Coentrão. This was another example of ruthless, lightning-quick football on the break, Madrid-style. Give me that over Barcelona's tiki-taka under Guardiola any day for pure adrenaline and excitement. Although I could well do without Pepe's 'aargh I'm dying' comedy roadshow, which plays to a new set of fans every week. He is undoubtedly a very good defender, unfortunately he's also an unashaméd arsehole most of the time. Having said that, if Bayern didn't want to put the ball out of play every time he crumpled embarrassingly to the ground, they didn't have to. If Howard Webb thought the Real number 3 was injured he could stop play himself.

Karim of the crop (I'll get me coat...)

     To look at the statistics at the end of the game, football hipsters would no doubt conclude that Bayern must have absolutely crushed Real, having somewhere near 99% of possession along with many thousands more passes. In fact the opposite is true. Madrid had far less of the ball and racked up but a percentage of the Germans' passes, but could have conceivably won the game by four or five goals to one. They had far and away the better chances, and that may indeed be their main worry ahead of the second leg - they only managed to take advantage of one opportunity, their players shooting wildly when well placed to make Manuel Neuer work. The most amazing numbers on the night possibly came from CR7 who, fresh from being named one of the '100 most influential people in the world' and just about 60% fit, only had 16 touches all game. Not passes - 16 touches of the ball throughout the entire game before being subbed. And yet he did not have a bad game, far from it. Of those 16 touches, five were shots, four of which were on target. The one that wasn't on target was a sitter one-on-one that hopefully will not come back to haunt the men in white. Bayern appealed heavily for a penalty right at the death after Xabi Alonso tackled Thomas Müller as the German was about to shoot five yards out. Replays showed it was a brilliant tackle from the Spaniard, just brushing the ball away before Müller could connect. Alonso was just shaded to my man of the match vote by Luka Modrić, who is increasingly coming to resemble Sally Gunnell on crack - it can't just be me that sees this, surely? The miniature schemer was to be found all over the pitch and constantly backed his own skill in tight situations. Admittedly, the one time he lost the ball in a dangerous area Bayern should have levelled, Mario Götze shooting close enough to Iker Casillas to allow the 'keeper to get a strong wrist on the ball and set the whole stadium to singing his name. Real had a lucky escape there, as they really needed to keep a clean sheet ahead of the return leg in Bavaria on Tuesday. Nevertheless, when Howard Webb in the middle blew his whistle for full-time, the only statistic that mattered was the score, which read 1-0 to la Real.

     In the all-Spanish Europa League semifinal, Sevilla took a 2-0 lead at home in the first leg courtesy of a cheeky (not to mention lucky) backheeled goal from coconut-headed high-diver extraordinaire Stéphane Mbia and a customary tidy finish from Carlos Bacca. The highlight for me has to be Valencia's away kit though. A real thing of beauty, that, although it's probably an epileptic's worst nightmare.

Klopp and Pep are told the news

     Some hilarious transfer news came from nowhere, meanwhile, with Yahoo claiming Manchester United are preparing "a lucrative deal" to sign Messi at the end of the season. Really? Come on guys, you're nearly a whole month late for April fools' day. Yes ok, the little fella's not been himself lately, but then the venerable red half of Manchester hasn't exactly been pulling up forests since Old Purple Nose left, has it? In fact, the funnier news was probably that the bigwigs at Old Trafford had lined up a shortlist of managers to replace David Moyes which included Ancelotti, Pep Guardiola, Jürgen Norbert Klopp and Ancelotti's eyebrow. Now that is either laughable, deluded or comedy genius. I don't have a crystal ball and couldn't predict my way out of a paper bag on a rainy day, but I will tell you now that none of those four will be at Old Trafford next season. If I'm wrong I'll eat my hat. As a disclaimer, I should point out that my hat is made out of salt & vinegar crisps. Actually, I kind of hope I am wrong now..
     In sad news back in the real world though, rumours began flying around the Twittersphere and were later confirmed in the Spanish papers that former Barcelona coach Tito Vilanova was admitted to hospital in the city on Thursday night as his condition deteriorated. Of course our best wishes go to him.

                                                                  Edit

Just an hour after publishing this post it emerged that Tito Vilanova has died in hospital. He was only 45 years old when throat cancer finally claimed him. RIP Tito, decances en paz.

Week 34 - A Messi situation of their own making

     The unassuming, scruffy-haired little man had been in the first team for nearly 10 years. A decade, and he was still only 26. Still had pretty much the same haircut too. Along the way he'd smashed records and won many shiny trophies, always at the forefront of his team. But now, after nine seasons and some 241 goals in 273 league games, some Barcelona fans had begun to turn on Leo Messi. No-one questioned whether the magic in his feet had left him - after all he still has 26 goals in 27 games in the league and is behind only Ronaldo and Diego Costa in the Pichichi rankings - but whispers had begun circulating concerning the little magician's drive, even his commitment to the Barça cause.
     The whispers soon grew into jeers and even personal insults following poor results over the past couple of weeks. After three defeats in a row - to Atlético Madrid in the Champions League, Granada in La Liga and Real Madrid in the Copa del Rey final - the players had arrived back at Camp Nou to find irate fans waiting for them, hurling a barrage of boos and insults. Some players came in for more flak than others; Dani Alves partly because he had announced his intention to leave the club in future, Neymar on account of his inability to mould himself quickly to the Barça style of play, in addition to the shame brought on the club by his dodgy transfer (although that's not his fault) and Pinto because...well, because he's Pinto. But as if three successive defeats wasn't unexpected enough, the previously unthinkable had begun to occur. The previously untouchable Leo Messi, four-time Ballon d'Or winner and top-scorer in the club's history with a frankly disgusting 351 in all official competitions, also copped some personal abuse on each of these occasions.

Messi comforted by CR7 after the Copa
del Rey final defeat

     The personal insults ranged from the mild (but still no doubt cutting, for an athlete in the prime of his life) and tongue-in cheek 'try and run a bit less' to cries that he had brought 'shame' on the fans with his latest performances. A poll in (the admittedly pro-Madrid) sportspaper Marca ahead of the weekend's game asked fans to rate Messi's season. Bearing in mind the still-astronomical numbers being posted by the man from Rosario, some on the outside might be surprised to see that 36.8% of respondents thought he'd had a 'regular' season compared to 28.9% who thought he'd been 'bad' and 21.5% who think he's had a 'very bad' year. After all he's missed quite a few games due to injury and his team are still well in the running for the Primera Liga title, even if they are now outsiders.
     The Argentine press has been in full fingers-crossed mode over the past couple of weeks as Messi's form has stuttered, with many on that side of the ocean hoping praying hard that he's saving himself for a big performance in the World Cup. After all, a lot of people (who are talking out of their arse if you ask me) reckon you can't be considered the best player in the world unless you lift the World Cup. These people presumably believe Stéphane Guivarc'h was a better player than George Best, then. Hmmm.
     In truth, this may have been one of the toughest seasons yet for Messi. The long year began with the player turning up on the front as well as the back pages after he and his father were dragged to court numerous times on tax evasion charges. The winger then sustained a few injuries (and has continued to do so since Guardiola left - Pep blames his decision to leave his Camp Nou project on Messi, who had stopped taking his advice on conditioning) and did not immediately receive the improved contract he'd been hankering after.

One of them appreciated the
goal more than the others..

     On Saturday night at home to Athletic Bilbao he managed to put whatever demons are haunting him to one side for at least 5 seconds to take a free kick in the 74th minute with the score at 1-1. The Basques had been the better team over the game before then and were unlucky not to take the lead in the first half when the highly impressive Aritz Aduriz rattled Pinto's post with a superb bicycle kick. The Athletic number 20 did notch early in the second half though after receiving the ball from the tiny but bull-necked Iker Muniain and shooting it close to Pinto. This is usually enough for a goal and so it proved here, Bilbao were ahead and good value for it. In the 71st minute, Pedro bumbled the ball over the line for 1-1 after Alexis Sánchez shanked a shot roughly towards goal following an excellent run from Dani Alves.
     Up to this point Messi had not been involved massively in the game, but he hit the free kick hard and true and was enveloped by his teammates as they acclaimed his 26th goal of the season. In truth the wall was set up poorly and had Gorka Iraizoz in the Bilbao goal just stood still the ball would have struck him and Barcelona would be a further two points behind Atleti. Still, you takes the breaks when they're offered to you. Barça then survived late Athletic pressure and a scare right at the death to take all 3 points and maintain pressure on Madrids Atlético and Real.

Atleti manage to score a pen

     The league leaders hosted Elche on Friday night and for the second week in a row were indebted to one of their centre-backs for getting them off the mark. Miranda, who's hoping for a spot in the Brazil squad for the upcoming World Cup, as well as a name-change perhaps, scored in the 71st minute straight from a corner. Maybe Cholo Simeone should think about letting his defenders take any penalties won in future as David Villa became the latest to waste the chance to score from the spot, shooting straight at Manu Herrera. Atlético did eventually manage to actually score a penalty late on nonetheless, Diego Costa this time screwing up his eyes and smashing the ball in the vague direction of the goal to wrong-foot the 'keeper. He'd won the spot-kick himself after characteristically flapping to the deck when Săpunaru came within 15 feet of him. The Romanian was still shaking his head at the decision as he walked down the tunnel after the ref agreed that going anywhere near Diego Costa is indeed a sanctionable offence. Christ, Costa's nearly as bad as Ashley Young, and that's saying something.
     The weekend's results leave Barcelona still four points adrift of Atlético and two ahead of eternal rivals Real, who enjoyed a weekend off due to their upcoming Champions League semi-final. Apparently the Spanish FA can't work out how to play two matches on a Friday night. Not that los Blancos were complaining as they were afforded time off to relax by the pool or head off on a jolly to Dubai. Or in Pepe's case scheme on how to piss off the largest number of people possible on his next foray into the world of televised football, which just happens to come against the Bayern machine on Wednesday.

Paulão can't take any more. Or he's throwing shapes.

     Sevilla closed in on Athletic Bilbao's fourth spot with an emphatic 4-0 win over Granada, the opening being of the own-goal variety by the curiously-named Mainz. Kévin Gameiro, Vitolo and the coconut-headed emotional basket-case Stéphane Mbia rounded off the victory in the second half. There was an own-goal too at Vallecas, where the woeful Paulão scored Rayo Vallecano's second before actually asking to be subbed off even before the half hour mark. He explained on Monday that he hadn't wanted to keep screwing up and there were "players who'd be able to bring more to the team than me in the moment I was suffering." Strange, nonetheless. Larrivey and Blackburn reject Rubén Rochina scored the others for Rayo, before the unfortunately-named Chica scored at the right end for rock-bottom Real Betis.
     Of the others in the relegation zone only Getafe managed to pick up a point following an awful, awful 0-0 draw at Levante. Really, they could've just met up before the game and agreed to give both teams a point, saving everyone the trouble. Almería remain second-bottom but were far more value for money in a rip-roaring 4-2 home defeat to Celta Vigo, Nolito bagging a brace for the away team. In the remaining games Real Sociedad beat Espanyol 2-1, Carlos Vela grabbing the winner in injury time, while Osasuna played out a 1-1 draw with Valencia which doesn't much help either team's quests at either end of the table.
     The Monday night game saw Málaga welcome Villarreal to La Rosaleda. Roque Santa Cruz opened the scoring for los Boquerones in the sixth minute, and the second half started with Duda attempting to lob former Málaga 'keeper Sergio Asenjo from range before Noureddine Amrabat went on a Gareth Bale-type run and picked out Sergi Darder arriving late and unmarked in the area to make it 2-0. The Dutch-Moroccan later saw red for questioning the referee's eyesight but the Costa del Sol side managed to see the game out and move onto 41 points, surely safe from relegation now. To watch it, one wouldn't think Villarreal had needed the points to continue pushing for Europe, but that was the case. They now remain two points behind Real Sociedad. The commentator seemed to grow increasingly exasperated as the game went on though, with ever-louder sights. One could only feel he'd had a bit of a heavy Easter weekend and felt he was probably sweating more than the Málaga fan who kept drumming throughout the whole encounter.

Result of the weekend for Alavés. Maybe a different
away kit next season though, eh lads?

     In the Segunda, Deportivo continued their march back to the big time with a standard 3-0 away win at Mallorca with goals from Sissoko, Luisinho and Borja. Eibar, in second, beat Real Madrid Castilla 1-0, Capa scoring after 11 minutes. Castilla continue to flounder this season and find themselves under the shadow of relegation. Meanwhile, Barcelona B went 1-0 down at home to Girona through a 29th minute opener from Ortuño before storming back thanks to goals from Sandro and a late screamer from Munir, who'd only been on the pitch a matter of minutes. They remain in third, level on 54 points with island teams Tenerife and Las Palmas. Behind those three it's turned into a right kerfuffle, with eight teams all within four points of each other. At the bottom, Alavés did themselves a huge favour by overcoming the odds in the result of the weekend, winning 2-0 at highly-placed Recreativo. The goals came from Manu García and Borja Viguera, who overtakes Stefan Šćepović of Sporting Gijón in the Pichichi rankings for the Segunda with 22 in 35 games.

Real win the Copa Clásico

Another Clásico, another classic. The game ebbed and flowed at times but Real ended up the victors.

     Despite notching 19 goals already in his début season in Spain, many were still calling Gareth Bale a flat track bully. They said he could only do it against the smaller teams Real Madrid battered. They said he couldn't perform on the big stage for los Blancos. Then again, they had said that about Cristiano Ronaldo before he won them the Copa del Rey with a physics-defying header in this very stadium, against this very opposition three years ago. Perhaps 'they' should think before they speak.
     History repeated itself last night in a way with Bale, like CR7 before him in 2011, scoring a sublime winner late on and picking up the man of the match plaudits, Marca hailing him as both 'the Prince of Wales' and 'Gareth Bolt'. Ronaldo was forced to watch from the stands due to injury and while Real will hope to have him back on the pitch sooner rather than later, manager Carlo Ancelotti and his energetic eyebrow will have been heartened by the way the team performed without him, especially Bale and the inspirational Ángel Di María.

An accommodating host

     The teams emerged into a cauldron of noise in the last final to be played at the Mestalla, Messi less than a foot taller than the mascot he appeared with. A strange atmosphere for a Clásico eventually emerged as both sides were whistled when in possession of the ball, one by the right half of the stadium, the other by the left.
The game started with Madrid more in control, their passing crisper and more positive than Barcelona's more ponderous style. The gameplan was immediately clear - get the ball to Di María and Bale in the danger areas - and it paid dividends early on. Bale received the ball and found Karim Benzema who had moved out towards the left wing. A beautifully-weighted first time pass from the Frenchman found Di María careering through the gaping holes in the Barcelona defence and into the area. The Argentine had Bale open to his right but elected to shoot, and although wannabe pirate Pinto got a hand to it, the ball skipped merrily into the far corner and nestled next to the post. 1-0 to Madrid and half the stadium went mental. I have to confess I did too, having put a bet on Di María to bag the first goal at 10-1. Result! Thank the gods he didn't pass to Bale. Anyway the Welshman's time would come soon enough.
     In the absence of CR7 and with Messi's continued slump showing no sign of ending, the Spanish press had changed from their usual tack and billed this as the battle of the EUR200m players; Bale vs Neymar. They may have cost nearly the same (taking into account the real cost of the Brazilian's transfer as well as the fines the club have had to pay for their dodgy dealings), but on this showing the pair are nearly incomparable. Neymar had a chance to level the game with pretty much the last kick, but smashed it into the face of the post. Before that, the closest he'd come to getting on the back pages was an attempted headbutt on Fabio Coentrão after being tackled in the area. Never backward in coming forward, the confusingly-coiffured Pepe stepped in and manhandled Neymar away. Referee Mateu Lahoz elected to book both Neymar and the central defender, much to the latter's consternation.

What did you call my mum?!

     By this point, the referee had already been forced to put up with quite a lot of rolling around and cajoling from the players as is now customary in Clásicos. Perhaps not as much as usual, but it would still irk the bejeezus out of me if I had to babysit those 22 players. It has to be said, Lahoz dealt with the histrionics extremely well, not falling for most of the dives and remonstrating with players who committed them. Twice in a minute he got right up in the grills of Barcelona players who he felt aggrieved by, first young Marc Bartra for fannying about on the floor as if he'd been shot by a double-barrelled shotgun rather than slightly and mistakenly brushed by Coentrão, and then Javier Mascherano for a criticism levelled at him. Or having bad breath. Mascherano definitely looks like he could have bad breath.
     Barcelona were racking up their usual numbers in the possession and passes columns to little avail. While at some points they had up to 75% possession, Real looked far the more likely to score, with Isco having a side-footed effort blocked by a delicious last-ditch tackle from a now fresh-breathed Mascherano on 35 minutes. At the other end, and after 472 sideways passes, Barcelona encroached on the Madrid box and caused a bit of a scramble which ended with Messi rifling his shot wide of the upright.
     Jordi Alba, who had earlier beaten Dani Carvajal to a header in the 'contest of the small wing-backs' only to head straight at Casillas, was replaced by Adriano at the break, a move surely brought on more by injury than anything else. The second half began in the same vein as the first, with the effervescent Bale at the centre of all quick Real attacks. The Welsh winger smacked a shot into the side netting a couple of minutes after the restart and remained threatening throughout. The footballer formerly known as Messi then floated a freekick innocuously over Casillas' bar before Mascherano crudely chopped Pepe down as he burst into the Barcelona half and correctly drew a yellow card from the ref. I'm not sure what Pepe thought he was doing, bombing into anyone's half as a centre back, but it looked reasonably impressive nonetheless. From the resulting freekick, three Barça players challenged each other for the ball under no pressure whatsoever and only succeeded in feeding the waiting Bale on the edge of the box. The Cardiff lad chested the ball to tee himself up and unleashed a volley which sailed fractionally over the crossbar.

Uhn-tiss uhn-tiss uhn-tiss... Enya

     Fàbregas was apparently playing in the 'false 9' position popularised over the past couple of years, but to me he looked like he was playing as a 'false 4', so far back was he operating. An advert currently doing the rounds on the tellybox sees Cesc putting on his headphones to drown out the hoards of Madrid fans and outside influences while on his way to a game, and perhaps the only explanation for his tepid display in Valencia is that he'd been chilling out to some Enya or whalesong before the game. Bloody hippy. The
former Arsenal man was hooked off on the hour mark and Pedro entered the fray, presumably to add some attacking inclination. A few minutes later, Bartra wondered up from the back and, apparently growing tired of his team's lacklustre sideways passing shenanigans, unleashed a shot on goal from range. Casillas in the Madrid goal had prepped himself before the game to be playing Barcelona and so appeared highly surprised at this most un-Barça-like attempt. The 'keeper unconvincingly punched the ball wide for a corner and seemed grateful it hadn't ended up in the back of the net.
     Madrid then doubled their lead on 66 mins, that man Bale getting the goal his performance so richly deserved. Unfortunately for the men in white Pinto had scurried so far from his line, presumably in search of treasure or wenches, that when Bale headed the ball into the unguarded net there was only one defender betwixt he and the goal line. A good spot by the ref/linesman and as every schoolboy knows, the offside law dictates that there must be at least two opposition players between the goalscorer and the line for a strike to count.

Bartra looks as surprised as anyone

     Nonetheless, a goal from a corner was scored within a minute, and this time it counted. The Catalans hauled themselves level when Bartra, still playing in a most un-Barça fashion, lost Pepe and helped himself to a free header. Surely this shooting-from-range, winning-headers-in-the-box kind of malarkey will be coached out of the youngster before he gets any other funny ideas. It's just not the Barça way. The Real half of the Mestalla was stunned, the Barcelona half ecstatic. The 15,000 or so officials and dignitaries were
probably nonplussed. Then again none of them had paid up to EUR2,600 for a ticket.
     After the goal, the game was turned on its head. Whereas before Real had been attacking quickly, dangerously and with purpose, now they appeared fearful of their opponents and kept misplacing the easiest of passes, possibly recalling other similar incidences where they went on to lose the game. Barcelona, by comparison, were now full of attacking intent, players in every position constantly harrying for the ball. For the remainder of the match they looked like the Barça of a few years ago, or even like present-day Bayern Munich. After Modrić hit the post for Madrid only a great tackle from Pepe at the other end stopped Barcelona taking the lead

     However, cometh the hour, cometh the Welshman. Receiving a pass just inside his own half just six minutes from extra-time, Bale knocked it past Marc Bartra. The two were involved in a short tussle by the byline but the Barcelona youngster's pressure wasn't enough to put chronic diver Bale to the ground. The Real #11 ended up some three yards outside the touchline following a nudge from the defender but simply applied the afterburners. He absolutely stormed round his marker and re-entered the pitch clocked at

'Gareth Bolt' applies the finish to his wonder-goal

73mph, and entered the area with beautiful control, surely a near impossible feat at that speed. Pinto saw him coming and cast aside his eye-patch all the better to see when the Welshman tucked the ball between his peg-legs with the cutest of finishes. Half the stadium erupted once more - the other side. Bale didn't make any friends by sprinting to the byline to celebrate in front of the Barça end. This wasn't done in a malicious manner though - if you've just scored such an amazing goal you're unlikely to have any capacity left for rational thought. The Culés in the section behind him didn't seem to appreciate the savage beauty of the goal, somehow..
     Bale's momentous goal absolutely took the wind out of the Barcelona sails but there was always likely to be one more twist in the tale. It is the way of such things. A fantastic ball from Xavi split the Real defence, which had seen Varane added to its ranks in place of the hard-working Benzema as the clocked ticked over 90, and ended up with Neymar. Had the uprights not been screwed in properly, the Brazilian's shot would have blown the entire damnable goal right into the massed ranks of fans behind, but as it was the strike cannoned off the post and straight back into the grateful arms of Casillas. The last action of the game saw Bale fouled and left flat on his back. It was an appropriate way to end things. The only way any opposition could have stopped the Cardiff lad would have been to put him in the hospital. He was simply unplayable at times.

Copas are like buses...

     While the Real players celebrated in the time-honoured tradition of massing with thousands of fans by the Cibeles fountain in the capital (Ramos didn't drop their shiny new trophy under the bus this time, but he did pretend to), their Barcelona counterparts carried out what is becoming their own new post-match routine of being heckled and abused by their own supporters upon reaching Camp Nou. Yet again they trudged, heads bowed, to their cars as curses rained down. Yet again Messi was singled out for personal treatment, with fans shouting tongue-in-cheek for him to 'run less'. The
usually twinkle-toed playmaker has been worryingly quiet and downcast these past few weeks, and the newspapers in Argentina are nervously hoping that he's saving himself for a big performance for his country in the upcoming World Cup.
     Various papers in Spain are postulating that this signifies the end of the triumphant Barcelona cycle, but this is all surely a bit premature. Yes they've had an awful week, losing out in two competitions and falling further behind in the other, but after their long period of domination they were always bound to suffer some sort of lapse of form.
     On the other hand, their hated rivals are on a different level entirely. Time and again in post-match interviews the phrase that kept being repeated was that the players hope to add to their haul of silverware this season and return to Cibeles once more. Or even twice. There is no fear ahead of the next round of the Champions League now, a marked turnaround following the abject performance to creep through against Dortmund. Cristiano Ronaldo reckons he might be fit for the first leg of the semi-final and should make the second, but the question is; do Real need him??

Athletic vs Málaga and look ahead to Copa final

On Wednesday night Valencia's Mestalla stadium hosts a Clásico in the Copa del Rey final.

     The teams come into the game in vastly different mindsets. Barcelona, having crashed out of the Champions League and lost second place in La Liga inside a week, are in bullish mood but one senses a terseness beneath the interviews given in the press. Real Madrid appear more at ease, but as with all derbies - and Clásicos in particular - form is temporary and the battle is all that matters. Literally, most of the time. It is of course just a few short weeks since los Blancos managed to balls-up at home to their hated enemies, and Barcelona will be hoping to emulate that victory in Valencia.

Carlo's eyebrow making a break for it

     Madrid manager Carlo Ancelotti, left eyebrow permanently aflutter, revealed that the players would be practicing penalties ahead of the game for all of five minutes, although he would obviously hope to have the game well and truly finished before such a lottery became necessary. He also confirmed that, as expected, Ronaldo wouldn't be playing a part, although the Portuguese will be travelling with the squad along with the other injured players. Ancelotti also said he had his starting XI in mind but would not be revealing it to the press beforehand. Nevertheless, the Italian stated he was setting his team up 'to play our game with our identity' rather than attempting to respond to Barcelona's tactics. He conceded that the opposition would have the lion's share of possession, and so his team will have to 'control the game with the ball, and for that we need courage and personality, which are the most important traits for playing a final'.

Tata: "The last 2 games were clean"

     His opposite number, Tata Martino, recognised that the final represents a possible tonic for his squad after a torrid last week, although he is ruing the defensive injuries that have left him considering whether or not to play the creaking Puyol, who trained with the squad on Wednesday morning along with Marc Bartra. The Argentine manager refused to be drawn on Ronaldo's injury, but said he hopes for a clean game, expanding that 'the last two games against Real Madrid have been clean and well played by both teams'. It would seem he may have elected to forget Busquets stepping on Pepe's face a few weeks ago, apparently.
     As both presidents were posing with the Copa on Wednesday morning the press managed to wangle a quote out of Madrid head honcho Florentino Pérez, who rather diplomatically claimed 'we're not favourites, but we're optimistic'. On Tuesday, a few of the players had been wheeled out in front of the headline writers and as per usual nothing much of particular note was uttered, as is the way of such things. It seems footballers are paraded in front of the press in search of quotes, but whenever they say anything mildly interesting it gets blown out of all proportion as them calling the opposition manager's mum a whore or somesuch. The closest to interesting it got was when Iker Casillas was asked about his previous comment that he'd "slap" Spain teammate Sergio Busquets for the aforementioned foot-on-face altercation with Pepe. The goalkeeper said "I won't add to the circus that's blown up around this. I'll see him tomorrow and this matter will take up only two seconds of our conversation."

     The week began, however, with the impressive new San Mamés hosting Málaga in the final game of Week 33, with both teams needing the points for very different reasons. Athletic showed by far the greater desire to claim the win and re-establish their 6 point advantage over Sevilla in the battle for the fourth Champions League spot, and their positivity paid off early as Aritz Aduriz headed the Basques ahead in just the fourth minute from a corner. The striker scored again pretty much straight away at the beginning of the second half, taking his tally for 2014 alone to 12 goals, second only to the now-misfiring Messi. The man from Donostia had several chances to complete his hat-trick but was foiled by man-of-funny-name Willy in the Málaga goal. Nonetheless, Willy (tee-hee) was not at his best for the third Athletic goal, allowing a tame Ander Herrera shot to spill through his gloves. Feel free to make your own jokes about Willy and a slippery ball - just don't send them to me.
     For the Andalucians, who were pretty dire throughout, the result means they stay on 38 points in 11th, unlikely to threaten either the European places or those in the relegation zone now there's only five games left. They've been pretty shaky under Bernd Schuster this season and were in and around the drop zone for quite a portion of the season.

Week 33 - Barça lose the plot, Atleti lose Costa

Some things are easy to lose but extremely hard to get back: Your hair as it gets claimed by the passing years. Your cool when the bastard kid behind you on the plane has been kicking the back of your chair for half an hour. If you're Barcelona, possibly your self-belief after a torrid week in which you're dumped out of the Champions League without a whimper and fall further behind in the race for the title. Or if you're Atlético Madrid, your talisman and lead striker - one of the main reasons you're still leading the pack.

'Mono' searching for John Connor

With Costa restored to the starting line-up, the league leaders travelled with a healthy away support across the city for a derby against Getafe. Diego Godín smacked in a header shortly before half-time to give Atleti the lead (I'm still not quite sure what he was doing wandering into the area like that), and Costa spurned a chance from the penalty spot before the most talked-about incident of the match. No, not 'Mono' Burgos in his futuristic Google Glasses on the bench, although he did look funny. A few minutes from time, and with Getafe down to 10 men, Adrián played a ball across the face of goal for Costa who hared after it like a man possessed and slid in to poke the ball home. So single-minded were his attempts to score that he didn't account for the far post and smashed straight into it. No Atlético fan was celebrating this goal. Fears increased for the Brazil Spain striker amid reports that he'd been rushed straight to hospital as a precaution. Nevertheless, manager Simeone has since played down rumours that the striker is set to miss the rest of the season, pointing out that Costa sustained a wound rather than any ligament or muscle damage.
Good news for los Colcherones, then, as they remain with their fate in their own hands. They now have five games remaining, and will lift the title for the first time since 1995-96 if they win four of those.

Conversely, Barcelona seem on the verge of meltdown. In a week where they were humbled by an Atleti side minus the twin threats of Diego Costa and Arda Turan, a trip to relegation-haunted Granada must have seemed a nice and relatively easy way to try and get back in the swing of things. Sadly for the reigning Liga champions, this was to be the latest in a series of 'bad days at the office' domestically this season. Yet again Barça couldn't capitalise on their astronomical possession, leaving Granada in their natty kit to celebrate at the final whistle following a 1-0 win after Yacine Brahimi steered the ball past buffoon/goalkeeper hybrid Pinto just after the quarter hour mark.
Pressure is growing on both manager Martino and the players in general. The team coach was received back to Camp Nou at 2:30 in the morning by irate fans hurling insults at the players within, among the cries that they were 'useless' and brought 'shame' to the fanbase. Pinto, Neymar and Dani Alves were singled out for particular insults as they made their way to their cars. Messi again went missing in the match, and it is not

Messi in his now-customary pose

hard to draw a line between the downturn in form of the perennial world footballer of the year and his team. Andoni Zubizarreta, the Barcelona sporting director and no doubt a man who still has nightmares of Garba Lawal, is not among those drawing such a line, instead insisting on TV3 that he doesn't doubt Messi for even 'half a second'.
As for Tata Martino, it would seem the Camp Nou hierarchy have finally lost patience, and football hipster extraordinaire Jürgen Norbert Klopp (whose Dortmund side battered Bayern Münich 3-0 on the weekend) is rumoured to be favourite to replace him at the helm. The word about the place is that even securing the Copa del Rey against Real Madrid on Wednesday will not prove enough to keep him in a job.

That final may take on the appearance of a 'B Team' match-up though, owing to the sheer number of players set to miss out through injury. The players who will definitely miss out are; CR7, Marcelo, Arbeloa and Jesé for Real and Valdés, Piqué and Bartra for Barcelona, although the veteran Puyol has volunteered if he can put himself back together in time. Although Sami Khedira has returned to training, he is also expected to miss out for los Blancos as is Sergio Ramos, pending a late fitness test.

Di María celebrates the opener

Without their main threat, Real still made light work of Almería on Saturday night. Ángel di María stepped into Ronaldo's shoes and drove the team forward with guile and creativity, scoring the opening goal on the half hour. This was added to by Bale and Isco early in the second half and Álvaro Morata with just over five minutes left. The weekend's assorted results leave Atlético Madrid top of the pile on 82 points, with Real leapfrogging Barcelona into 2nd place, the eternal rivals on 79 and 78 points respectively.

The weekend's biggest game with an impact on both the European and relegation places was a massive Seville derby between Real Betis and Sevilla at Estadio Benito Villaramín. The hosts were rock bottom of the division and would remain there no matter the result against their fiercest rivals, but local pride was at stake. At the other end of the classifications, Sevilla were in a battle for the last Champions League spot behind the top three. However, in such strongly-contested derbies, no matter where in the world, the form book always goes out the window. Unfortunately for neutral fans, and especially los Heliopolitanos, the central figure in the game was Velasco Carballo - the referee. Right on the half hour Juan Carlos performed an absolutely brilliant tackle on Carlos the bus conductor Bacca in the Betis area. Unbelievably, the man in the middle then pointed to the spot. Kévin Gameiro dutifully stepped up and put Seville 1-0 up. He later

Betis defeated and deflated

doubled his tally but the damage had already been done by Betis unjustly losing a player. The result leaves los Verdiblancos floundering a full 10 points off Valladolid in 17th while their cross-town rivals keep the pressure on Athletic Bilbao in 4th. The Basques host Málaga at the new San Mamés on Monday night. The Andalucians have levelled out in mid table over recent weeks, but are still within sight of the relegation zone and so would like a couple more victories under their belt before the end of the season.

Down in the Segunda División, the race to clamber up into the Primera Liga is reaching its peak. Deportivo de La Coruña took a massive step towards re-establishing themselves as a top-flight club with a 2-0 victory over Recreativo de Huelva with goals from Juan Carlos and Diego Ifrán. They are now on 60 points, five ahead of Eibar in the second automatic promotion spot, and six ahead of Las Palmas. Recre remain a further three points back in fourth. Behind those, the difference between Real Murcia (50) in seventh and Real Jaén (40) in 22nd is only a scarcely-believable 10 points. Girona and Alavés are slightly further adrift, on 37 and 35 points respectively. Barcelona B and Real Madrid Castilla find themselves is vastly different positions, those from la Masia up in 5th on 51 points (albeit they cannot be promoted, obviously) and Castilla on equal points with Jaén in the relegation zone.

Europa League & look ahead at next rounds

Wow. Just wow. If the performances of Real Madrid and Barcelona left a lot to be desired in the Champions League, the same accusation could not be levelled at the two Spanish sides left in the Europa League.

Rakitic celebrates

Sevilla ran riot over Porto at the Rámon Sánchez Pizjuán. The Portuguese team were protecting a slender 1-0 lead from the first leg but looked like meek lambs being fronted by a slavering wolf-man-thing. The team in white, led as always by mightiliy impressive if slightly divey captain Ivan Rakatić. The men from Seville even managed to score and look like bagging a hat-full even when down to 10 men, after Coke received his marching orders. Former bus conductor Carlos Bacca scored the 20th goal of his début season with Sevilla on the half hour, but the goal of the night was also the least important; Ricardo Quaresma absolutely stonking the ball into the top corner in injury time.
Equally as impressive, if not more so, Valencia turned round a 3-0 first leg deficit against Basel. They levelled the tie in 90 minutes, taking the game to extra-time during which Paco Alcácer completed his hat-trick and Bernat put the icing on the cake to crown an astounding 5-3 win.
The two clubs' prizes for these emphatic victories? They get to play each other in the semi final. Valencia have the advantage of being at home in the second leg.

In the Champions League semi final draw, Real drew tournament favourites Bayern Munich, while Atlético will welcome back old boy Fernando Torres and Chelsea in the other tie.
Pep Guardiola will take his team to the Bernabéu for the first leg on April 23, with Chelsea travelling to Madrid the previous day. Real manager Carlo Ancelotti conceded that Bayern are favourites for the tournament, but reminded the press that 'it is not easy to play against Real Madrid'. Very true words, but los Blancos will really have to improve on their midweek showing against Dortmund. Their cause has not been helped by the latest news on Ronaldo's injury. CR7 has now been ruled out of the Copa del Rey final next Wednesday, and Real are fearful he may even miss out on the first leg of the Champions League game, putting them at a massive disadvantage. Despite this, part-time Real 'keeper Iker Casillas is confident ahead of the game and maintains the club is still thinking of doing the treble this year. It is believed that Ancelotti will go with Andalucian whizzkid Isco for the big upcoming games rather than Illarramendi, with the latter's showing in Germany mid-week possibly helping nudge him to this conclusion.
On the other side of the fence, Guardiola has been telling the press he is 'happy' with the draw as he 'knows them very well,' although he did concede that they are the best counter-attacking side in the world, alongside domestic rivals Dortmund.

In the other game, Chelsea's hopes of facing a pretend 'keeper or shop-front dummy in their matches against the Liga leaders were nixed by UEFA, who have ruled that the clause in on-loan shot-stopper Thibaut Courtois' contract forbidding him from playing against his parent club is null and void. The south west London side's executive director Ron Gourlay confirmed the club would abide by the ruling, even though rumours had abounded at first that Chelsea would try and force Atleti to pay extra for the Belgium 'keeper to play.
The biggest news of this particular match-up, of course, is the return of el Niño to the Vicente Calderón. Strangely, this will be the first time Torres has played at the Calderón in the kit of another team, having missed two previous encounters against his childhood team due to injury. Whether the fans will still recognise the goal-shy Torres is another matter entirely, so poor has his form in front of goal gotten over the past few seasons. In fact, there is nothing saying he will even get onto the pitch whatsoever, so far has he fallen in
Mourinho's estimation.
Even so, he's assured of a rapturous reception from his old supporters, who still hold him in high regard.

The Kid, then and now

CL - both Madrid teams through, Barça out

Madrid is a far happier place than Barcelona this week after the Champions League quarterfinals; Real and Atlético both through to the semis after wildly differing performances.

Real Madrid managed to luck their way through to the next phase of the competition after stuttering badly against Borussia Dortmund. The Yellow Wall was in fine voice inside the Westfalenstadion in spite of the torrential downpours which engulfed the area in the lead-up to kick-off then stopped pretty much as soon as the referee signalled the start of the match. It was as if God himself was the groundsman and was ready for the ref's whistle.

The Dortmund fans whistled every touch from a Real player, and roared their team on furiously whenever they broke towards goal. They'd already gotten the distinct impression that the referee was against them after he disregarded a clear foul by professional annoyance Pepe right on the edge of his own area, and they were even more sure of the fact when he awarded the Spanish side a dubious penalty for handball against Łukasz

Bowling shoes not so good for football

Piszczek. With no CR7 on the pitch to extend his European goals record, Ángel Di María stepped up in his bowling shoes, slipped embarrassingly, and sent the ball at a nice height to Roman Weidenfeller's left. The one-cap German stuck out an elbow and deflected the shot wide for a corner.

Real seemed almost suicidally blasé about the whole thing, attempting to keep the ball with short passes in tight areas with players unsuited to the game. The breakthrough eventually came after 24 minutes, a long ball from the back bewilderingly prompting Pepe to attempt a headed back-pass from fully 40 yards. Marco Reus read his intentions, nipped in and rounded Casillas before passing the ball into the net.

Los Blancos seemed not to learn their lesson, at one point attempting a series of one-twos between three players in their own half while surrounded by no fewer than six Dortmund players. Needless to say, this was not going to end well. On 37 minutes Asier Illarramendi, who all game had looked like a child who'd won a raffle to play on the pitch in place of a real player, sold Pepe awfully short with a misjudged pass. The superb Reus, whose parents should've really named Rolls when he was born on the evidence of this game, once more read the future quicker than anyone else and stole in to feed the ball to Robert Lewandowski. Although the Pole's shot was touched onto the post by San Iker, the ball rebounded straight to Reus, who made no mistake in hammering it home for 2-0.

Half time could not come quickly enough for the beleaguered Madrid, and when they emerged 15 minutes later Illarra had been replaced by Isco. More importantly, Bale had been moved across to right wing. The Welsh flyer had simply not been in the game during the opening 45, and within a couple of minutes proved why starting him on the left had been a mistake, worrying defenders and sending a couple of strikes at the chronically underworked Weidenfeller. Real Madrid looked as if Ancelotti had instructed them to play longer for the second half; a wise move Mr. Magoo could've told them was needed. Honestly, what's the point of having Bale and Di María out wide if you refuse to get the ball to them?? Although in the case of the Argentine, he would've probably fallen over if he had received it..

CR7 was cutting an increasingly agitated figure on the bench, at one point even having to be instructed to sit

CR7 vents on the bench

down by the fourth official. Back on the pitch, things continued in the same vein as the first half. Alonso was extremely lucky not to be given his marching orders after fouling a player on halfway. The referee strode towards him, for all the world looking like he was about to dispense a second yellow, but seemed to think again once he realised that he'd already booked to the former Liverpool man. In the end, he gave nothing, curiously. For the German side, Marco Reus was far and away the best player on the pitch. Scrabble legend Henrikh Mkhitaryan was running things all over the shop apart from whenever he got anywhere near Casillas' goal. In all, the Armenian squandered three gilt-edged chances to put the tie level, once even getting round the Madrid keeper yet contriving to strike the base of the post.

By the hour-mark Dortmund seemed to tire from their high-pressing game, leaving Real more time on the ball and more space to counter-attack into. However, the game could possibly still be going on now and Real wouldn't have scored, so poor was their decision-making in the Dortmund half. Essentially, this tie was won by Real Madrid in the first leg, and very lucky it was too as they looked bereft of ideas in Germany. Dortmund can consider themselves very unlucky to be bowing out at this stage.

It emerged after the game that Ronaldo wouldn't have come on even if Dortmund had scored the third they so richly deserved. The Portuguese may even be a doubt for the Copa del Rey final against Barcelona next Wednesday after the injury he picked up in training on Monday turned out to be worse than expected. Madrid have refused to say how long he'll be out for, but he could miss some important games. Roberto Carlos has chipped in to suggest the winger take it easy if he wants to be back sooner rather than later. Well, he is a Real legend for his hammer of a left foot, not his intellect.. Someone who could be leaving the bench is footballing legend Zinedine Zidane. Rumours have emerged that Monaco have the World Cup winner lined up as their next manager. Meanwhile, Dortmund have now completed the permanent re-signing of Nuri Sahin for EUR7m.

Contrary to the result in Dortmund, the better team definitely went through in the all-Spanish quarter final; Atlético Madrid absolutely pummelling Barcelona into the ground at the Vicente Calderón. The deserved Liga leaders were all snarling, controlled rage, hunting the ball all over the pitch and not giving the opposition the time on the ball their tiki taka requires.

Atleti started like a whirlwind, and took the lead for the second time in the tie after only 5 minutes. In fact, they could have been ahead even before that, but the massed ranks on the terraces weren't complaining.

Barça zero, Koke one

After Adrián, with all of two goals to his name this season, smashed a shot onto the woodwork, Villa put the ball back in to the same player, who intelligently headed it across for Koke to slam home at the far post. Cue pandemonium around the ground.

And Atleti didn't hang back after this magical start, either. Instead, they pinned Barcelona back with their fierce tackling and non-stop harrying. Built in the very image of their manager Diego Simeone, they defended from the front, the entire team as a single fierce unit. It took until nearly the 15th minute for the visiting team to have a sniff of goal, an out-of-sorts Messi putting his free header wide, but this did not signal Barcelona taking control. Instead, los Colcherones streamed down the other end of the pitch, and on 18 minutes Villa smacked the ball off the face of the crossbar with an audacious shot. How Barcelona were ruing the decision to let him go for just over EUR5m.

Iniesta typified the whole game for the Catalans on 28 minutes when letting a pass glide under his foot and tenderly out for a throw-in while Cesc, who cut a frustrated figure throughout, attempted two desperate dives in quick succession as the clock ticked down to half time.

Barcelona emerged for the second half knowing they'd have to score, and set about doing just that immediately. A scramble in the Atlético box was finally resolved when the brilliant but off-balance Thibaut Courtois managed to shin the ball over his own bar. The goalmouth action had begun with the Belgium 'keeper getting a strong palm on the ball as the otherwise-unimpressive Neymar attempted to round him. After an hour, Tata Martino finally saw sense and brought Alexis Sánchez on for Cesc, thereby injecting some pace into his team, and brought on Pedro for Iniesta ten minutes later.

In the end Cholo couldn't bring on Diego Costa, the striker not managing to recover in time, but he did bring on first-leg hero Diego to replace the hard-running Adrián. Then in the 78th minute the manic manager ended Villa's constant hounding of the Barça back line, replacing him with Cristian Rodríguez - nicknamed Cebolla, or the Onion - and the Uruguayan could've really made the visitors cry as he forced clown-keeper extraordinaire Pinto into a save in the 89th minute.

It didn't matter though, one goal had proved enough. The four previous meetings this season between the two teams had all ended in draws. What a time to notch a first win.

It has to be noted that the gulf between the two teams on the night was so great that even the Barcelona fans in the Calderón applauded the Atlético players at the end. Photos of the Catalan players returning back to the city, however, show them all with their heads bowed. The fans would expect nothing less. The fall-out has already begun in earnest, with Iniesta the first player to break ranks. The diminutive playmaker revealed to Canal+ that he had been 'surprised' to be subbed off in the second half. Elsewhere, official UEFA figures proved that Messi had played a poor game. The stats show the Argentine ran only 6.8km over the 90 minutes, with Koke on the other team running nearly double, at 12.2km. Even more surprising is that Messi only ended up running slightly more than comical Barcelona 'keeper Pinto, who traversed 5.3km over the course of the game.