Week5 - Falling down, moving up

     Week 4 ran from Friday to Monday, Week 5 ran between Tuesday and Thursday, and Week 6 will begin on Friday and run 'til Sunday. That's ten whole days of league football back to back, muthafuckazz. A whole lot can change when every team plays three times in a week and a half. Two-thirds of the way through this treble-header and some records have gone, while others have been strengthened. Barcelona still haven't conceded a goal - but dropped the league's only 100% record with a goalless draw against Málaga at La Rosaleda - another Atleti victory was secured via a centre-back's forehead and Levante picked up their first win of the season. The biggest turnaround has been at Real Madrid, who entered this frenzied ten day run with Casillas and Ancelotti's eyebrow under pressure following two consecutive demoralising defeats, but have since scored 13 in the last two games.
     On the sixth consecutive day of football, Málaga welcomed the imperious Barcelona for an evening game. I say evening but really it was a night game seeing as it kicked off at 10pm local time, which helps explain why there were some 5,000 empty seats for the visit of the Catalan pass-control behemoth. Barça didn't look great and did not even manage to register a single shot on target. In fact they were indebted to 'keeper Claudio Bravo's reactions when he pushed a well-

"What's that, little man?"

struck near-post free kick from Liverpool misfit and former Barcelona B striker Luis Alberto onto the post. The jitters extended even to Messi, the diminutive Argentine ending up on the floor after being face-grabbed by Boquerones defender Weligton. The Brazilian had taken exception to the shorter man calling him a "son of a bitch," a cuss that carries more weight in Spain than in England. Sticks and stones, and all that. Gerard Piqué and his friends thought the actions deserved a red card, but the former Man Utd. defender instead received a yellow for his protestations, which I'm sure will have cheered him up no end. In actual fact, it would be fair to say Málaga can be more disappointed with the draw than the visitors. Barcelona could have come away with a point fewer than they did but for some admirably honest play from the Málaga forwards. Twice they were clipped inside the box and twice they refused to go down and claim a penalty, instead ploughing on in an attempt to score. Nice corinthian play, that.
     The same categorically cannot be said of Ronaldo & Co in their 5-1 defeat of Elche the previous night. On the week he entered the top ten list of all-time Primera División goalscorers, CR7 also committed the second-most cringeworthy dive seen outside of a Barcelona shirt in quite a while.

CR7 and Marcelo's pitiful dives

It was only beaten by Marcelo's painfully embarrassing flop earlier in the same game. Really, they should introduce retrospective punishment to stop these shameful shenanigans. Both players flung themselves to the ground without even the merest suggestion of contact, and both got awarded penalties. These were both taken by CR7 whose two other strikes in the game took his tally for the season to nine goals in just four games. He's scored seven goals in 72 hours. I could quite easily do that too. In fact, watch... ... ... there. I just scored seven in like ten seconds. I suppose Ronaldo was hampered somewhat by the fact he only played 180 minutes over those 72 hours though, and that there were other players about to tackle/pass to/pretend to fall over. He's now scored 187 goals in 169 league games for Madrid. Quite, quite ridiculous numbers, which render his dive in this game even more pathetic. Bale, with his new European hairdo, scored the opener for Real in the 20th minute - the 3,000th Primera División goal scored at the Bernabéu by los Blancos. The Welshman's header, his fourth strike in five games, not only ruffled his new locks but served as the equaliser after Elche had dared take the lead with a penalty by captain Edu Albácar, given against Ronaldo. What can you say, the guy just likes penalties! Iker Casillas sat on the bench watching this one, but afterwards congratulated rival Keylor Navas on his debut. On Friday morning, though, Ancelotti's eyebrow pointed at San Iker when asked which 'keeper would be starting against Villarreal on the weekend.

Note the #9 on the side, to differentiate
him from all the other masked footballers

     Like CR7, another player on the Pichichi trail is Atlético Madrid centre-back Miranda. The Liga champions are now in third place, two points behind leaders Barcelona, despite struggling for goals from open play. They've scored seven in their five games and Miranda now accounts for three of those after he escaped his marker and nodded home at the near post from a corner on the hour mark. Diego Godín has chipped in with one goal as well this season, meaning the centre-back pairing have gobbled up more than half the goals scored by los Colchoneros. Without Miranda's goals, Atleti would be five points worse off, which would place them in 10th place rather than on the coattails of the Barcelona groove machine. The good news is that Mario Mandzukic is on his way back from the broken nose sustained against Olympiakos in the Champions League - but he'll be wearing one of those fetching masks upon his return.
     Sevilla were Barcelona's closest challengers before the Thursday night games, level on points with the Catalans having won four on the spin since their opening day draw with Valencia. A goal from Gerard Deulofeu, on loan from Barça and left completely unmarked in the area to side-foot into the roof of the net, secured a 1-0 win at home to Real Sociedad, whose solitary 3-point haul of the season remains that resounding win against Real Madrid all the way back in Week 2.

Not that one...

     Levante managed to haul themselves from the bottom of the table courtesy of a hard-fought 1-0 win away at Granada. Rubén García scored a quite wonderful goal following a mesmerising, jinking run through the opposition midfield and defence. Picture Maradona's goal against England. No not that one - the good one. While it wasn't quite on that level, it was still an excellent run and goal. He finished from further out than el Diego as well. The defeat was the first of the season for the hosts. Levante's win takes them to 16th, leapfrogging Athletic Bilbao who are looking a pale imitation of themselves. Los Leones have looked more like pussycats this season, registering just one win and four defeats. The latest of these came in the capital against Rayo Vallecano despite taking the lead rather fortuitously in the 21st minute; Aritz Aduriz finishing off a move from close range when two previous passes had looked borderline offside. The hosts pulled level following a calamitous mistake from Bilbao 'keeper Gorka Iraizoz, who seemingly opened a hole in his chest to allow a simple-looking low cross to squirm through him, presenting former Rayo youth Léo Baptistão - now on loan from cross-town rivals Atleti - with the simplest of finishes. The Brazilian caused Vallecas to erupt when he clinched a last-minute winner, arriving from deep to power a header straight at Iraizoz that was too hot for the 'keeper to hold onto, leaving the striker with his second tap-in of the day. I'd like to think he paid the Bilbao man at least a fiver for his two assists.
     Eibar picked up a point at the tiny but picturesque Ipurua against Villarreal, taking the lead before the game was in double figures after a bit of pinballing around the penalty area, Mikel Arruabarrena scoring his first-ever top flight goal. Denis Cheryshev, on loan from Real Madrid, was at the heart of everything good Villarreal attempted, once dinking the crossbar with a delightful chip in the first half, and in the second producing a driving run from midfield that would've resulted in a penalty had he chosen to go down under contact rather than going back at the defender with a shoulder-barge. Good to see, but I'm sure he'll get coached out of it once he returns to the capital. Nonetheless the equaliser, when it came, had nothing to do with the Russian - Gerard Moreno curling in from the edge of the area, tantalisingly out of the reach of Xabi Irureta.
     At a raucous Balaídos, fellow promoted club Deportivo took on Celta Vigo in the first Derbi Galego in a couple of years. The home team hadn't won a derby game against their rivals in four games stretching back to April 2007, but things started badly for the newly-promoted Dépor when Nolito proceeded unchallenged into the area and placed a shot inside the unguarded near post in just the fourth minute. Deportivo rallied and came back into the match in the second half when Isaac Cuenca, who's summoned some facial hair from somewhere, levelled ten minutes after the break despite the attentions of Hugo Mallo. Parity didn't last though, and new boy Joaquin Larrivey rose highest to smack Nolito's corner home with his face before ripping off his shirt and careering

Likes to score - Larrivey

around the stadium with wild abandon. Do people still say 'with wild abandon'? No? Either way, he looked like he enjoyed that one nearly as much as the fans in the stands. Late drama ensued, however, after Dépor were given a way back into the game with a penalty for handball by Gustavo Cabral right on the cusp of full time. Haris Medunjanin duly swiped his beard at the spot kick and sent it to the 'keepers left, but it was at a nice height and Sergio Álvarez flung himself full-length (he's not that tall for a 'keeper) and raised himself to hero status by parrying the shot away, sending the crowd absolutely chicken oriental. Vigo remain unbeaten this season.
     On Thursday night Espanyol kept up their record of scoring in every game as they vanquished Getafe 2-0 at Cornellà-El Prat. Sergio García, who still looks weird without his gypsy ponytail, stole in to open the scoring and accept the plaudits, but the goal was all about the pass from Salva Sevilla - a beautifully chipped half-volley pass over the defence leaving García with just the 'keeper to beat. Christian Stuani later grabbed his second goal in a week to ensure the three points went to the Barcelona team, scoring at the second time of asking through a very accommodating crowd of three defenders and the hapless 'keeper.

Valencia's
favourite number

     And so to the last game of the week, ending a matter of hours before the first game of the next week was scheduled to begin. Valencia had scored three goals in every game this season apart from the opener against Sevilla - Shirley they couldn't do it again, for the fourth game in a row? Of course they bloody could, fool. Damn your eyes and curse your socks for doubting them. 3-0 for the second game in a row; this time they tonked newly-promoted Córdoba. New scoring sensation Paco Alcácer set los Che on their way in the 22nd minute with a deft header from a lovely cross by Sofiane Feghouli, who absolutely roasted Córdoba left-back José Ángel Crespo. His Valencia counterpart José Gayá had a much better time of it, doubling the score and notching his first professional goal five minutes later with a rasping drive that went straight through the 'keeper like a dangerously undercooked chicken curry from the night before on a hungover Sunday morning. We've all been there. Feghouli then rounded off the scoring with a precise finish from the edge of the box and celebrated by pulling a muscle in his leg. Seems stupid to me but no doubt kids'll soon start copying it. You'll see loads of 'em lying down in playgrounds with one leg in the air after scoring. And FYI - you should stop looking in at childrens' playgrounds like that. People get suspicious.
     Valencia now sit smugly atop the Primera División rankings on goal difference from Barcelona and Sevilla; the first time they've been top of the tree since the fourth gameweek of season 2011/12. They're looking good value for it too, three goals and three points at a time.

Footballer Cockney Rhyming Slang

     A new section I'm introducing for this season is called Footballer Cockney Rhyming Slang, as you will have perhaps guessed from the title. Basically, it's a spin on cockney rhyming slang, only using footballers' names. Or sometimes random well-known sportsmen. They have to be reasonably well-known so listeners can work out the meaning from the context, as the speaker leaves out the actual rhyming part. So we'll start with a simple couple as this is the first week;

Demba/Ibrahim (Ba)

description;  place in a pub from where drinks are served.

example;  "Cor, I'm thirsty. Go on it's your round, get to the Demba ya cheapskate."

Courtney (Pitt)

description;  faeces/the act of expelling faeces.

example;  "Come on mate, hurry up in there - I'm dying for a Courtney."

Eibar - the champions who could go down

     SD Eibar are guaranteed a top-two place in the Segunda División. The fans should be looking forward to welcoming Real Madrid and Barcelona to their tiny Ipurua stadium up in the Basque mountains next year but could instead find themselves turning out to watch Real Unión and Barakaldo. Instead of ascending to La Liga, the club could be demoted to playing next season in Segunda B. That's a difference of two whole divisions between where they deserve to be and where they may end up. As with most screwed-up things in Spanish football, it is entirely the governing body's fault due to its short-sightedness and lack of forethought.
     Eibar has always been a small club. Situated up in the Gipuzkoa area of the Basque Country, the city is home to just over 27,000 people. The team plays in the 5,250-capacity Estadio Municipal de Ipurua and usually struggles to even half-fill that meagre allocation. In its 74-year history, Eibar has split the majority of its time between the Segunda and Tercera Divisiones; 26 years in the former, 28 in the latter and just 7 in between in Segunda B. Although they boast a strong Basque identity, the team's kit is rather more Catalan in flavour. Back in 1944 the team found itself short of a kit to play in and so the regional federation loaned it a full Barcelona one, and the colours have since stuck. The Catalan giants helped out again last week, agreeing to sell the unused blaugrana confetti from the last-day disappointment against Atlético Madrid at a massive discount to money-light Eibar. Apparently, if it's not used within a certain timeframe it turns lumpy. That would've been some way for Barça to celebrate any potential achievement next season - purpley-red mashed potato cascading down on the massed Culés. Bleurgh. Thinking about it, I'm sure Mono Burgos would have been able to find it a good home, if push came to shove.

Given a guard of honour by the Lugo players

     Eibar beat Lugo 1-0 at home last weekend with an early goal from loan-star Jota, and if they beat Numancia on Sunday they will secure first place, ahead of also-promoted Deportivo La Coruna (although they did lose 2-1 at home to los Numantinos on matchday 21). Depor travel to Girona the previous evening and may face a trickier test as the opposition are currently in 19th and fighting for their lives in order to avoid the relegation zone, while Numancia are safe from bothering either the top or bottom of the table, in 12th. By rights, the mountaintop city of Eibar should be preparing for a party already. And yet, although fans and players have already been celebrating with their cut-price confetti and bagpiping aplenty, there has been a slight edge to the festivities, an underlying worry...
     Eibar are something of an anomaly in Spain - they are one of the very few clubs in the top two divisions not to have any debt. The club operates completely in the black within its budget of EUR3.5m, the smallest in the Segunda. It pays its players on time, and in full. And yet, all these things are behind the reason little Eibar may be prevented from lining against the Ronaldos and Messis of the Primera División for the very first time in its history next season.
     Back in 1999, Spain decided it would finally take a stand against football clubs continually spending way beyond their means, without any punishment whatsoever, in order to get to and then stay in the Primera División. To this end, Real Decreto 1251/1999 was born. This states that every team in the top two professional divisions has to have a capital equal to 25% of the average expenses of all teams in the same league as them, not including the two with the largest and the two with the smallest outgoings. In addition, all clubs except for Real Madrid, Barcelona, Athletic Bilbao and Osasuna (for historical reasons) must convert to an S.A.D., or Sociedad Anónima Deportiva - a public limited sports company - after staying in the league for more than a season. To be fair the rule was brought in on good faith and was aimed at discouraging the massive debt Spanish clubs seem so keen on enveloping themselves in, but simply did not take into account small, extremely well-run clubs like Eibar. Goes to show what a rarity they are.

5,250-capacity Ipurua, up in the mountains

     All of this means los Armeros, whose social capital is EUR422,253, have to raise EUR2,146,525 in order to be able to take their rightful place in La Liga next season. This leaves the club with roughly EUR1.7m to raise and only a matter of months in which to do it. If they can't raise the funds by early August they will be relegated back to the maelstrom that is Segunda División B. In order to make up this massive amount, the club has set up the defiendealeibar site, where people can buy shares at EUR50 (£40) each. This has been doing extremely well so far, but as there is a limit on how many shares an individual can buy, it will take a lot of interest for the club to make its target.
     It must be emphasised at this point that Eibar are not the only club to be affected by this law - Lugo and Mirandés were in the same situation last year and both managed to come through the other side. However, the two situations differ as neither of those two were on the verge of promotion (Lugo finished 11th and Mirandés 15th) and people have been incensed by the possibility that the best team in the league, which had only just been promoted from Segunda B the season before, could be relegated back there. 'Unfair' is a word that keeps cropping up, and it is indeed unfair that Eibar could be punished simply for being well-run while most of the other teams around them continue spunking money up the wall. Another way of looking at the blatant injustice of the situation is that it could in fact help Eibar: The other two clubs managed to raise their capital to meet the amount specified in the complicated workings set out in the Royal Decree even though they were unfashionable small clubs whose story did not make big news even in Spain, let alone internationally. Conversely, Eibar's story has been widely circulated to bellows of justified outrage, and so in theory it should prove easier for them to raise the necessary capital thanks to the goodwill of football fans both at home and abroad. Add World Cup winners Xabi Alonso and David Silva raising awareness of Eibar's plight (the pair both used to play for the Basque side on loan from their respective clubs) and fingers crossed Eibar will be a fixture in the Primera División calendar next season. Football paper Marca seems pretty sure they're up, often not even mentioning the precarious position Eibar finds itself in when it deigns to report on the Liga Adelante.

Celebrating now, but will they be
celebrating come August?

     Nonetheless, the problems would not stop there for Eibar were the football authorities to graciously accept them into the Primera. Four of the team that beat Lugo last week were players loaned from other clubs. Matchwinner in the last two games Jota is borrowed from Celta Vigo and will return to his parent club with his model girlfriend Jessica Bueno. A double shame for most supporters. Two-thirds of the players loaned in from Real Sociedad are set to leave Eibar for sure: Dani García and former Tottenham never-man Yuri Berchiche are leaving town and the future of Alain Eizmendi is up in the air at the moment. The winger Jose Luis Morales could return to Levante and although he'd obviously prefer to stay and go up with the team to La Liga, the Brazilian Gilvan Gomes previously agreed to return to Hércules. Perversely, the winger could yet be in the same boat as Eibar nonetheless, as he could have been going up but is instead going down - Hércules are four points from safety and therefore destined to finish stone-last in the Segunda. Many of the rest of the squad are at polar opposite ends of their playing careers, and one can imagine it will prove difficult to lure higher-profile 'names' to play in front of fewer than 5,000 fans week-in, week-out. But that's not how they do things in these parts anyway - the manager has previously stated that no player is bigger than the club and that is a phrase to which they are keen to stay true. In Gaizka Garitano's own words; "One thing is non-negotiable: we're all the same, there are no splits and anyone who does not share that view has no place here."

Eibar's other 'ascent'

     After the 1-0 win against Lugo, the Eibar players 'celebrated' their pending promotion (fund-raising notwithstanding!) by undertaking the gruelling Santuario de Arrate climb by bike. This is a 7.5km route that begins in the city and ends 535m higher above sea level. I don't know which sadist on the coaching staff came up with the idea but I can imagine that half-way up many of the players will have been wishing the league had relegated them after all!
     The donations keep dripping in bit by bit, and the club has so far raised nearly 72% of the necessary amount with 61 days remaining in which to raise the rest. Hopefully enough people who care about justice in football will come forward between now and then to ensure Eibar are playing at the level they have earned. Club president Alex Aranzabal flatly rejected the proposal that the club could be sold to outside investment, saying "we'd rather take the punishment and get demoted rather than share the soul of what SD Eibar is as a football club." Let us hope it does not come to that.

Anyone interested in helping SD Eibar by buying shares can do so via http://www.defiendealeibar.com/
Also to help, please retweet #defiendealeibar on the Twitter to help raise awareness.

Week 36 - Second winds and suplexes

     If the top three in La Liga were marathon runners, Week 36 was the point in the race at which they suffered a collective sugar crash and hit the wall.

     None of them has held a massively convincing lead all season long, with all three swapping places periodically. Atlético have been leading for a while now, having won nine in a row since the 2-2 draw with Real, and are in control of pole position as the trio enter the athletics stadium for the final 400m of the marathon. No-one gave the capital's second club even the slightest hope of figuring in the race for first at the start of the season and although it would still represent great work to finish even third, so close to the incomparable riches of Barcelona and Real Madrid, Cholo Simeone would be absolutely sickened to see his team falter now and lose what they've fought so hard for all season. So would every single neutral fan in the world (I did a survey).
     Much to the dismay of neutrals across the galaxy, los Colchoneros dropped 3 massive points on Sunday and were caught up by Barcelona and Real Madrid. However the dream remains alive as their rivals only managed to pull Atleti back by a solitary point after both drew in the 92nd minute, one scoring at that point and the other conceding. This was the first time all season the top three had dropped points on the same weekend; on such margins are leagues won, lost and misplaced. The three results mean Atlético still have the title in their own hands and are favourites with just two games remaining, but it is anyone's guess as to who can blast through the pain barrier in the mad final dash to the finish line and claim the league trophy.

'Tito, always eternal'

     Barcelona were up first out of the top three this weekend, hosting relegation-haunted Getafe at Camp Nou. Los Culés have had to re-evaluate what they consider a walkover this season, and playing the team joint third from bottom no longer counts as such. The club unveiled a massive banner dedicated to Tito Vilanova before kickoff, but the team were unable to honour their former manager in the way they would have wanted. Barça posted their usual numbers with regards to possession and passes but yet again it was the final score that mattered most, the home team conceding in the 92nd minute. Twice they had led, though Messi and Alexis Sánchez, and twice they were pegged back level by the not-normally prolific Ángel Lafita.

Real legend vs Real traitor

     After the game Getafe manager Cosmin Contra stated his belief that his team can stay in the Primera if they continue to play "with such spirit," but despite being unbeaten in three games his team will need others to play worse than them as they are only a point above the relegation zone and have Valencia up next. The subject of much discussion in Catalunya at present is the identity of the next Barcelona manager as the word is that the club will say ta-ta to Tata once this season is finally over. Real Madrid turncoat Luis Enrique appears to be favourite after he was spotted meeting Azulgrana director of football and former teammate Andoni Zubuzarreta at the start of the week, but Celta Vigo are doing their darndest to hold onto him. Other speculation has alleged the team is chasing current Athletic Bilbao coach Ernesto Valverde.

     The result at Camp Nou meant Altético Madrid had the chance to streak ahead of Barcelona on the final corner of the marathon before the home straight and dash Blaugrana hopes in the title challenge, but they too stuttered. Although left-back Filipe Luis scored an unfortunate own-goal after only 7 minutes, the real author of Alteti's downfall was Levante 'keeper Keylor Navas, who had another stupendous game in the face of 23 shots from los Colchoneros (8 on target). The Costa Rican has been in rich form recently and a video emerged of him this week saving tennis balls shot at him at 160km by pro tennis player Pablo Andújar. David Barral doubled Levante's lead midway through the second half following a sweet one-two with Víctor Casadesús, but it had long since been apparent that Atleti wouldn't be able to knock down the wall called Keylor.

No bananas to make a light-hearted
but serious point this time

     After the game Cholo Simeone opined that the loss was "the best thing that could have happened to us", while Levante goalscorer Barral apologised to Atlético fans and defended that his team "wanted to win the match; not fuck the league up for anybody". Despite the league leaders dropping points at the Estadi Ciutat de València, the main talking point after the match was, yet again, racism. Levante midfield crusher Pape Diop heard monkey chants emanating from the away end throughout the game, and eventually did a monkey dance in response. By this time, with his team leading, a few Atleti players close by thought he was doing a victory dance in front of their fans and ran over to remonstrate with him. One of the main peace-makers following the unsightly set-to that developed was Diego Costa - a man usually more comfortable in the role of antagonist - who had spotted what had gone on. The TV cameras also spotted what had gone on, and caught an Atético fan taunting Diop, jumping from side to side with hands under his armpits. It remains to be seen what, if any, action the LFP takes. After the game, Diop explained "they called me a monkey, so I turned and imitated a monkey. I'm tired of racism in football, and there's a lot of it." The midfielder went on to say "I'm not sure if it's racism or a lack of respect, but they've got to stop the monkey chants."

     After Barcelona's last-minute draw and Atleti's defeat, Real Madrid could have put themselves in a much better position ahead of the last two weekends of action but seemingly staggered when trying to overtake their rivals on the outside of that final turn in the title race. Los Blancos had their most difficult remaining match on Sunday night, hosting Valencia at the Bernabéu, and knew that if they won they'd leapfrog Barcelona and be 3 points behind their cross-town rivals with a game in hand.

Haiiiii-yah!!

     After the taxing task of thrashing Bayern Munich in midweek, Ancelotti's eyebrow decided to rest a few players, with the likes of Marcelo, Varane and Illarramendi starting. Valencia took the lead just before half-time through Jeremie Mathieu but Real equalised through Sergio Ramos' third headed goal in a week. Permanently dopey-faced QPR-reject Dani Parejo put the visitors back in front and Brazilian 'keeper extraordinaire Diego Alves managed to keep the white hordes at bay right up to the very end when Di María's cross found Cristiano Ronaldo in the area. The Portuguese span on a sixpence, turned and ninja-kicked the ball into the net. Bruce Lee eat your heart out.

Betis - getting there eventually

     Down at the bottom, already-relegated Betis lost in the 94th minute to nearly-relegated Almería in the seemingly-weekly Andalusian derby. If these two were taking part in the same marathon as the top three they'd both be raising money and coming along just 'for the fun'; Almería dressed in a massive and overly sweaty donkey outfit and Real Betis turning up in a deep-sea diving suit, eventually finishing the course a week after everyone else. This result could prove the energy drink that boosts los Rojiblancos' chances of survival after a completely unmarked Ramon Azeez headed a 94th-minute winner, sparking a mini pitch invasion.
     Above Betis but below Getafe and Almería in the two remaining relegation spots are Osasuna and Real Valladolid. Osasuna look to be on a bit of a downer after being sunk by a Nolito brace at home to Celta Vigo while la Pucela beat Espanyol 1-0 to draw level on 35 points. Granada moved 3 points above the relegation zone with a 1-1 draw at Real Sociedad, secured with a 93rd minute Odion Ighalo strike. Elche kept space between themselves and the drop thanks to a 1-0 win at Málaga courtesy of a Garry Rodrigues goal 11 minutes in. In all seriousness the league should be wrapped up come the weekend as Atlético play Málaga. The boys in blue and white may as well not bother turning up, so absolutely shameful has their form been. They're 5 points clear of the drop but will only be safe thanks to others' screw-ups, rather than through any iota of effort on their own part, manager Berndt Schuster saying he didn't recognise some of the players on the pitch on the weekend. To complete the round-up, Athletic Bilbao secured a Champions League spot for next season thanks to a 3-0 win over Rayo Vallecano allied to a Sevilla 0-0 draw at home to Villarreal.


     The compact nature of the standings in Liga Adelante, as well as the fact that anyone can beat almost anyone else on any given day, mean the lower division resembles not so much a marathon as a royal rumble wrestling match. With less spandex. And less homoerotic undertones. But probably just as much diving.

One happier with the result than t'other

     Current leaders Deportivo de La Coruña are losing form at exactly the wrong time, possibly tiring from being in the centre of the ring for so long. They drew 2-2 away at local rivals CD Lugo after leading 2-0 through first-half goals from Diego Ifrán and Pablo Insua before the home team hit back through a Vincenzo Rennella brace. The Italian's second came 5 minutes from time thanks to a complete brain-fart from the Depor defence; a free kick causing all sorts of problems and ending with 'keeper Germán Lux rushing out just to punch thin air before the ball nestled into the unguarded net.

     Behind Superdépor each of Eibar, Las Palmas and Real Murcia won, heaping increased pressure on the team from the north east with the gap between them now down to 2, 7 and 9 points respectively. Eibar enjoyed their trip to the islands where they defeated Mallorca 2-0, both goals coming from David Mainz in the 75th and 78th minutes. If the first was down to lazy, poor defending as the Mallorca players sat off him in the area, the second was down to...lazy, poor defending; this time 'keeper Rubén Miño not expecting the ball to pop out of a challenge at him before he meekly palmed it into the fortuitous striker's path.

Gómez and pals celebrate

     Las Palmas beat Zaragoza, who local businessman Mariano Casasnovas is supposedly preparing to buy, 2-1 at La Romareda thanks to a Vicente Gómez brace inside the first 11 minutes, the second an absolute peach. Instead of controlling a lofted through-ball from deep, the striker cheekily lofted it over the stranded Leo Franco with his left foot on the volley. A truly stupendous strike. Los Blanquillos pulled a goal back through Paco Montañés on the quarter-hour mark but couldn't force another.

     Murcia were also away, at Hércules. In addition to strengthening their own promotion hopes, los Pimentoneros added to the relegation worries of their hosts, their 3-2 victory leaving the Alicante club rock bottom. Saúl gave the visitors the lead after capitalising on possibly the weakest and most ill-advised backpass in the history of mankind from Hector Font who, to be fair to him, had only just come on. Former Barcelona and Man Citeh youth Gai Assulin equalised just before halftime, but further crass and ponderous defending allowed Murcia to bag all three points in spite of a late de Lucas consolation. Hércules by name, seemingly not by nature.

Celebrating before the equaliser...
tsk tsk

     El Toralín saw some suspect goalkeeping in a six-pointer between Ponferradina and Alavés which was won by the hosts 2-1 and leaves the visitors level with Hércules seated on the trapdoor with 41 points. Things continue to go from bad to worse for Real Madrid Castilla and one can hazard a guess that not many of this current crop will be seen at the Bernabéu anytime soon. In front of a crowd of 3,450 Castilla surrendered a 1-0 lead against Real Jaén to end the game all square; a result which favours neither team in their quests to avoid the drop.

     The result of the day was seen in the Canary Islands, where Girona did themselves a massive favour by suplexing high-flying Tenerife 1-0 with a Jandro penalty on 47 minutes after Javi Moyano was harshly adjudged to have handled in the area.

     Five games left; fifteen points up for grabs; plenty still to play for at both the top and bottom. Llllllet's get ready to rumblllllllllle!

Liga Adelante... a compact, sweaty mess