Week6 - Clean sheet o'clock

     It's something I don't think I've ever seen before (no not that - I'll be going to the doctor's with that tomorrow...). Looking down the results from Week 6 in La Liga there was only one game out of all ten played in which both teams scored, where Real Sociedad held Valencia to a 1-1 draw at Anoeta, while two games produced no goals whatsoever.
     Despite fielding a partial 'B' side, Barcelona extended their run of clean sheets to a sixth successive game in beating Granada 6-0 on Saturday night. Xavi was restored to the line-up and took back captaincy, playing behind a pacy front three of Messi, Neymar and young madrileño Munir El Haddadi. Granada played solidly for the opening 25 minutes but shot themselves in the

"My ball" - Neymar likes footballs

foot when Hector Yuste played a blind and lazy pass straight to Neymar, who gratefully bounded onto it and scored via a deflection off the foot of Martinique international Jean-Sylvain Babin. The Catalan giants then slipped into gear, Ivan Rakitic and Neymar again scoring on the cusp of half time leading to more understated celebrations. Just after the hour mark Messi notched his 400th goal for the club, nodding in following an absolute peach of a volleyed cross from Dani Alves. The dwarfish forward later grabbed his 401st Blaugrana goal after Neymar had completed his hat-trick, rounding the now visibly irate Roberto in the Granada goal after seizing on an abject piece of miscontrol by the hapless (and misspelt) Jeison Murillo.

     Goal-machine to some, flat-track bully to others, CR7 always tries to keep up with his scruffy rival in the history stakes and this weekend equalled a 60-year record by scoring his tenth league goal in just the sixth game of the season - even more impressive bearing in mind he did not partake in one of those. Those of a mathematical bent will work out that Ronaldo is therefore averaging two goals a game. He becomes the first Real Madrid player to reach this landmark, equalling the record

Man Utd fans' planes queuing
up to fly to Spain

set by László Kubala for Barcelona in 1953 and Pahiño for Deportivo the following year. An interesting fact to add is that neither man actually won the Pichichi in those years, beaten by legends Telmo Zarra and Alfredo di Stéfano respectively. Nonetheless, CR7 is now far and away the favourite to claim the crown this season, in spite of the innumerable flocks of planes being hired by deluded Manchester United fans to fly over Real games proclaiming their love for Cristiano. Turns out that it's not been a strike by French pilots that's made things a bit iffy in the air over there of late - it's been the sheer numbers of planes shuttling from UK airports to Spanish airspace, trailing long banners festooned with love poems to Ronaldo. Those United fans really should get a life/get real/support their local team etc etc. The noise of the planes circling overhead notwithstanding, Luka Modric opened the scoring for Madrid at El Madrigal just after the half hour mark with an instinctive snapshot from the edge of the box, meaning that none his goals in Spain have been scored inside the area still. Iker Casillas reclaimed his place between the sticks and was made to work for his clean sheet, which he was lucky to keep intact after a decent double-save ended up at the feet of Ikechukwu Uche with the goal at his mercy. The Villarreal man will have thrown all TVs and the internet out of his house after the game, so desperate will he be to avoid seeing his miss again.
     It seems there's some ungenltemanly stuff going on down on the Costa del Sol. Most teams in La Liga have not suffered any red cards whatsoever, but Javi Gracia's Málaga side have now had to play

Probably best not to say anything...

with a man disadvantage in four of their six games. Weligton was the guilty party this time after picking up two yellows against Getafe. 'Croatian' midfieldsman Sammir must have been taking tips from Real Madrid's game last week and should feel ashamed of himself for the flagrant simulation which saw the Málaga veteran given his marching orders. Javi Gracia was at a loss to explain the high number of reds, walking around the streets outside the Alfonso Pérez stadium after the match professing aloud to anyone who'd listen "I would ask why referees find it so easy to send off Málaga players," perhaps momentarily forgetting the same player's face-grab on Messi just a couple of short days before. Regardless, the game was done and dusted long before that, Míchel Herrero scoring in the 25th minute before los Azulones proceeded to lay siege to the away goal for the rest of the match.
     Some excellent saves and goal-line clearances at Anoeta, where Valencia lost top spot after being held by Real Sociedad. Both 'keepers had an extremely busy day but were helped out by teammates on the few occasions on which the ball evaded them. Los Che took the lead against the run of play when Paco Alcácer showed he's not only a goal-getter, intelligently heading down for Carles Gil to calmly stroke home for his first goal for his hometown club. This was cancelled out rather fortuitously 20 minutes later as one-time great white hope of Spanish football and former Valencia man Sergio Canales notched against his old side.
     Inspired by the return of Diego Simeone to the dugout at the Vicente Calderón, Atlético Madrid

Cholo finishing off his sandwich
for the cameras.

moved level with Valencia courtesy of a 4-0 rout of Sevilla, who slip to fourth. Koke opened the scoring before the game was 20 minutes old, his long-range shot spinning up and over the 'keeper via a deflection off Nicolás Pareja. Driven on by the now-freed Cholo prowling on the touchline and presumably marking his territory by pissing on the water bottles, Atleti then reverted to type. The goals began to go in from deadballs. First Saúl Ñíguez finished off a well-practiced move just before half time, before Raúls García and Jiménez put the game to bed through a penalty and header from a free kick in the last ten minutes.
     Celta Vigo kept up their assault on the top 6 with a 1-0 win at Elche, Nolito leaving it extremely late to score in the very last minute. Eibar cemented their place as the top team in the Basque Country following a 0-0 draw at rivals Athletic Bilbao's San Mamés cathedral. The visitors had more fans in the stadium (over 2,000) than they averaged during all their home games in the Segunda B league (1,500), and in fact now have a waiting list for new members for the first time. Almería remain the second highest-ranked Andalucian team out of five after they won away at Deportivo thanks to an injury time winner from Édgar Méndez. Down in the fledgling relegation zone, Levante have still only scored one goal this season and went down pretty tamely at home to Rayo Vallecano courtesy of a brace from Léo Baptistão, who most definitely has rediscovered his scoring boots. Turns out he forgot them in the Rayo locker room when he left to join Atleti last season. Levante are kept off bottom spot by Córdoba, who still remain winless this season after drawing 0-0 with Espanyol at Nuevo Arcángel despite demonstrating far more attacking intent than the visitors.

Footballer Cockney Rhyming Slang

Shaun (Goater)
description:  a particularly large, buoyant piece of excrement
example:  "I'd give trap six a miss mate, someone's left a right Shaun in there."

Robin (van Persie)
description:  used in a phrase to denote that a situation had appeared in control, but was wasted
example:  "I really couldn't tell you how he missed that, he had the goal at his Robin."

La Liga summer transfers - pt 1

     Well the World Cup - my most favouritest one ever - is now over. Football is dead, long live football. A new season is on the horizon and with it arrive a plethora of new players; some well known, others unknown, some for extortionate fees and others on frees. Possibly the best new signing could be a team rather than a player, with Eibar confirming it has managed to raise the amount stipulated by the ridiculous Spanish rules and will therefore be hosting Primera teams at its minute Ipurua ground for the first time.
     As I have some time to kill ahead of Primera División football breaking out again on August 23, I thought I'd take a look at the acquisitions of all teams in La Liga to date. There will be many, many more signings made between now and the transfer window closing on August 31 but I'm feeling impatient for football again and this may just kill some time! And so, without Freddy Adu, we begin with;

Almería

     After staying up by the nerve-endings on the skin of their teeth last season, los Rojiblancos desperately needed to both strengthen their team and keep hold of Aleix Vidal. They failed in their latter attempt, the inspirational winger beating a path to across Andalucía to Sevilla for EUR3m. In a somewhat strange move, Real Madrid graduate Marcos Tébar has also left, swapping the south-east of Spain for West London to join... Brentford. Go figure.

That's one happy Teerasil

     In their attempts to strengthen, Almería have spared no expense. Sorry, I mean they've spared no money. Operating on a tight budget, the team hasn't spent a penny on reinforcements, with new players coming in either on free transfers or on loan - as is the case with perennial loanee Wellington Silva from Arsenal and, intriguingly, with Teerasil Dangda from Muangthong United. The Thailand striker formerly spent a season at Man Citeh in 2008/09 but never kicked a ball in anger.

     Among the frees, they've brought in Rayo Vallecano 'keeper Rubén, Argentine centre-back Mauro dos Santos from Real Murcia and right-back Ximo Navarro from Mallorca. More in hope than expectation of adding firepower, they've also brought in Israeli striker Tomer Hemed from Mallorca. Although he performed reasonably well in the Primera last time out a couple of years ago, he only managed a paltry 2 goals in 24 games last season in the division below. Almería will look to pair him with Quique, who bagged a highly creditable 24 in 38 last season, albeit in Segunda B with CD Guadalajara.

Athletic Bilbao

Thumbs-up: Viguera

     Los Leones finished fourth in La Liga last term, 7 points behind Real and 7 points ahead of Sevilla. You'd think they would have spotted an opportunity to break into the top 3 this season, as although Real and Barcelona have both strengthened ridiculously, Atlético Madrid are haemorrhaging players and could possibly falter.

     The main problem for Bilbao, as ever, is their laudable transfer structure which means they can only sign Basque players. This obviously limits the number of players available to them on the market somewhat, and so far this summer they've only managed to bring in Borja Viguera from Alavés for EUR1m. However, the striker did manage to notch 25 goals last season, so could provide decent back-up to the ageing but still good-for-goals Aritz Aduriz who is in his third and most prolific spell with the Bilbao team.

Atlético Madrid

     I'd say of all the top teams, Atleti and excitable gaffer Cholo Simeone have the toughest job over the summer. Most other teams winning one of the big European leagues could reasonably expect to strengthen their team and not have the squad picked apart, but this is exactly what has happened to Atlético. It would seem they have become a victim of their own success, with much of the squad moving overseas - and a large part of that to Chelsea unfortunately.

Err, that's one way to celebrate: Costa

     Former Brazilian Diego Costa may have resembled some sort of haggarred, weak-kneed beach donkey during the World Cup but was instrumental in the team's against-all-odds league victory with 27 goals. He of course has joined Chelsea for EUR38m and I'm sure everyone reading (hello both) will join me in wishing him a dismal season of failure and lots and lots of rain in the Premiership. Joining him in the hopefully relegation-bound side is impressive left-back Filipe Luís after EUR20m changed hands. The clever but frustratingly inconsistent Diego has left for an undisclosed fee, joining Fenerbahce, while Atleti somehow managed to persuade Porto to part with EUR11m for 60% of the rights to one-goal-per-nine-games striker Adrián. David Villa has joined New York City. Just to help the game grow across the pond of course. Nothing to do with a massive pension top-up. Not at all.

Nearly in last season's colours: Mandzukic

     Los Colchoneros have needed to sign two 'keepers in order to replace Zamora Trophy-winning loanee Thibaut Cortois, with Jan Oblack (EUR16m, Benfica) and Miguel Ángel Moyà (EUR3m, Getafe) coming in his stead. They can't play them both at the same time though, obviously. To replace Costas' goals the Madrid side have turned to Bayern Munich's Mario Mandzukic, shelling out EUR22m on the 'big man up top', and taken a EUR7.5m punt on young Argentine striker Ángel Correa from San Lorenzo. They have since also executed a nimble bit of transfer gazumpery by bringing in classy wing-waif Antoine Griezmann for EUR30m. Tough-tackling fullback Cristian Ansaldi has also joined from Zenit. Where he played all of 9 games since moving from Rubin Kazan last year. Finally, Cholo has elected to replace his Brazilian left-back with...a Brazilian left-back, with Guilherme Siqueira coming in from Granada for EUR10m. After all if it ain't broke etc.

Barcelona

     Having 'only' finished second last year Barça are quite clearly in need of a massive revamp of
their squad. Surely the biggest loss for the team over the summer was a giant of a man, a true

Pity for me this funny man has gone :(

legend of the club who should have won more international caps by far and stood firm between the sticks for years, playing in a total of 31 games in six years - the venerable pirate of El Puerto, José Manuel Pinto. As an aside, Victor Valdés and (actual) club legend Carles Puyol also left on frees. The Catalan side generated most of the funds for incoming players with the sale of not-really-first-teamers Cesc Fàbregas and Alexis Sánchez, who possibly shared the same plane as they jetted in to London to join Chelsea and Arsenal for EUR33m and EUR42.5m respectively. Somewhat less cash-money was generated by Jonathan dos Santos (EUR2m) and Bojan (EUR4m) joining Villarreal and somewhat implausibly, Stoke.

Suárez minus his mouth-weapons

     The flip-side of this coin is, of course, that Barcelona managed to sign the 'humble' (not the first word that springs to mind for most, Andoni) Luis Suárez from Liverpool for a staggering EUR81m. There were rumours before that they may have included a 'no biting clause' (and what the fuck kind of adult human being needs that kind of shit written into a contract), but what are they going to do if when he bites someone again? Cancel his contract and not take any money from the queue of massive teams lining up to sign him? Brilliant footballer, abhorrent human man. The club (can they be called a club, they're supposed to be 'more than' that, aren't they?) would do best to extract all his teeth and allow him to wear dentures while out and about on the street, provided he can prove his control over them.

     Of the actual humans signed, Ivan Rakitic is the pick of the bunch. One of the very best players in the entire league last year, Barcelona prised him away from Sevilla with the offer of EUR18m plus a borrow of Denis Suárez. The team behind new manager Luis 'turncoat' Enrique also sanctioned the signing of two highly impressive 'keepers - letter minefield Marc-André ter Stegen from Borussia Mönchengladbach for EUR12m and Chilean #1 Claudio Bravo for EUR12m from Real Sociedad. The team also made left-back Jérémy Mathieu the most expensive-ever signing over 30 when they paid Valencia EUR20m for his services.

Celta de Vigo

'El Bati' in his new surroundings

     Os Célticos finished an impressive 9th last time out - 10 points above the relegation zone nine places below but also 10 points behind Sociedad in the last European spot just two places above.

     In a bid to push on, the team has raided Barcelona B for two defenders - Carles Planas and Sergi Gómez. More importantly, Celta managed to bring in forward Joaquín 'el Bati' Larrivey on a free from Rayo Vallecano, and the Argentine hitman will look to form a good partnership with naturalised Chilean Pablo Hernández, who has arrived from O'Higgins for a fee of EUR1.6m. Born in Tucumán, Argentina, Hernández received a Chilean passport earlier in the year and played for the team in a World Cup warm-up against Costa Rica, where he scored a brace. If he keeps up a scoring record of two goals per game he'll even manage to challenge CR7 and Messi for the Pichichi. Maybe.

Córdoba

Happy new additions Deivid & Fidel

     After finishing 7th in Segunda last season (and even that only on goal difference over Recreativo), Córdoba saw off Las Palmas in a tight two-legged final to reclaim their place at the top table of Spanish football for the first time in 42 years. Manager Albert Ferrer, yes that one, obviously has faith in his side's defence, thus far only adding Deivid on a free from their vanquished promotion opponents.

     Further forward, los Califas have added firepower in the shape of giant Japanese centre-forward Mike Havenaar (yes, in spite of the name he is genuinely Japanese, albeit by birth) on a free from Vitesse. Incoming midfielders have come in the flavours of José Carlos, from Rayo, and Patrick Ekeng from Lausanne. In addition, Ferrer has loaned in exitingly-named Brazilian wing-smith Ryder Matos from Fiorentina, Fidel from Elche and Fede Cartabia from Valencia.

Deportivo La Coruña

Arriving in Galícia: Cuenca

     After leading the way in the Segunda for much of the season, Superdépor were overtaken by fairy tale team Eibar at the death and finished second. Thus far their only concrete business has seen them bring in Isaac Cuenca from Barcelona after the Catalans agreed to rescind the pacey young player's contract. He will be hoping to resurrect his once-promising career after falling out of the picture and being loaned out to Ajax last term.

     Joining him will be a clutch of loan signings. It's easier to list them than go through them all individually, so they are - defender Roberto Canella from Sporting Gijón and midfielders Luis Carlos Fariña, Lucas Pérez and José Rodriguez from Benfica, PAOK and Real Madrid respectively.

Eibar

     After managing to raise the amount stipulated by the Spanish FA, Eibar will be allowed to take their rightful place in the Primera Liga next season for the very first time! Huzzah! And extremely well done to anyone who bought shares in the little club to help them achieve their goal. No-one connected with the club will underestimate the task facing them this season, though. Their championship-winning squad was filled with a mass of loan signings, many of whom will not be returning to Ipurua this time round.

Dani García (renewal) & Javi Lara,
with scarves. Big scarves.

     Predictably, all their signings so far have been on frees. As much as fans like the fairy tale story of a tiny team from a far-flung part of the country with a stadium holding barely over 5,000 getting into the Big Time, players prefer money. Los Armeros, therefore, have so far only managed to persuade three blokes to join their crew. Manager and former player Gaizka Garitano will be hoping that Levante's Ángel will be able to provide some goals while Jaime Jiménez, from Valladolid, will be able to keep them out at the other end. In between the pair, journeyman midfieldster Javi Lara has joined from Ponferradina in what is something like the 74th transfer of his career.

Elche

     Along with Almería, Elche also finished last season one point above the drop zone. While the team's goal difference of -20 was better than many of those around them, they only managed to score 30 goals in 38 games. Nonetheless, manager Fran Escribá hasn't seemed preoccupied with bringing extra firepower into his front line. The only actual striker to have joined is Jonathas, who arrives on loan after scoring 15 in 37 for Latina in Lega Pro Prima Divisione/B last season, helping them win promotion to Serie B after finishing third.

Pasalic with the customary thumbs-up

     In midfield, Fayçal Fajr was secured on a free from Caen, Adrián Gonzalez joined from Rayo, as did former Real Madrid youth Pedro Mosquera. Poland international 'keeper Przemysław Tytoń has joined on loan from PSV Eindhoven, but the most interesting Eastern European addition is Mario Pasalic, who joins on loan from Chelsea. Despite never having played an international game, the German-born 19-year-old was part of Croatia's initial World Cup squad before missing out in the final cut. He's highly-regarded by the West Londoners and it will be interesting to see how he fares.

Espanyol

An absolute unit: Caicedo

     Los Periquitos had a quiet season and pulled themselves together before the end to finish 14th, albeit only 3 points above the drop. Nevertheless Dépor legend Sergio, in his very first appointment as manager, feels the scoring side wasn't such a problem last season, and has therefore only added spectacularly-dredded former Manchester City misfit Felipe Caicedo to his forward line on a free from Al Jazira, where he had presumably got tired of reading the news.

     Defenders Anaitz Arbilla and Álvaro González have joined from Rayo and Real Zaragoza respectively, while link men Paco Montañés and Salva Sevilla signed up to the Barcelona club from Zaragoza (again) and Seville team Betis.

That concludes the run-down of the first 10 Primera Liga teams. The second half of this enthralling, rip-roaring, unputdownable internetty scribe will be posted in the next few days/next week/when I can be bothered/never/no, probably in the next few days, actually.

Eibar - the champions who could go down

     SD Eibar are guaranteed a top-two place in the Segunda División. The fans should be looking forward to welcoming Real Madrid and Barcelona to their tiny Ipurua stadium up in the Basque mountains next year but could instead find themselves turning out to watch Real Unión and Barakaldo. Instead of ascending to La Liga, the club could be demoted to playing next season in Segunda B. That's a difference of two whole divisions between where they deserve to be and where they may end up. As with most screwed-up things in Spanish football, it is entirely the governing body's fault due to its short-sightedness and lack of forethought.
     Eibar has always been a small club. Situated up in the Gipuzkoa area of the Basque Country, the city is home to just over 27,000 people. The team plays in the 5,250-capacity Estadio Municipal de Ipurua and usually struggles to even half-fill that meagre allocation. In its 74-year history, Eibar has split the majority of its time between the Segunda and Tercera Divisiones; 26 years in the former, 28 in the latter and just 7 in between in Segunda B. Although they boast a strong Basque identity, the team's kit is rather more Catalan in flavour. Back in 1944 the team found itself short of a kit to play in and so the regional federation loaned it a full Barcelona one, and the colours have since stuck. The Catalan giants helped out again last week, agreeing to sell the unused blaugrana confetti from the last-day disappointment against Atlético Madrid at a massive discount to money-light Eibar. Apparently, if it's not used within a certain timeframe it turns lumpy. That would've been some way for Barça to celebrate any potential achievement next season - purpley-red mashed potato cascading down on the massed Culés. Bleurgh. Thinking about it, I'm sure Mono Burgos would have been able to find it a good home, if push came to shove.

Given a guard of honour by the Lugo players

     Eibar beat Lugo 1-0 at home last weekend with an early goal from loan-star Jota, and if they beat Numancia on Sunday they will secure first place, ahead of also-promoted Deportivo La Coruna (although they did lose 2-1 at home to los Numantinos on matchday 21). Depor travel to Girona the previous evening and may face a trickier test as the opposition are currently in 19th and fighting for their lives in order to avoid the relegation zone, while Numancia are safe from bothering either the top or bottom of the table, in 12th. By rights, the mountaintop city of Eibar should be preparing for a party already. And yet, although fans and players have already been celebrating with their cut-price confetti and bagpiping aplenty, there has been a slight edge to the festivities, an underlying worry...
     Eibar are something of an anomaly in Spain - they are one of the very few clubs in the top two divisions not to have any debt. The club operates completely in the black within its budget of EUR3.5m, the smallest in the Segunda. It pays its players on time, and in full. And yet, all these things are behind the reason little Eibar may be prevented from lining against the Ronaldos and Messis of the Primera División for the very first time in its history next season.
     Back in 1999, Spain decided it would finally take a stand against football clubs continually spending way beyond their means, without any punishment whatsoever, in order to get to and then stay in the Primera División. To this end, Real Decreto 1251/1999 was born. This states that every team in the top two professional divisions has to have a capital equal to 25% of the average expenses of all teams in the same league as them, not including the two with the largest and the two with the smallest outgoings. In addition, all clubs except for Real Madrid, Barcelona, Athletic Bilbao and Osasuna (for historical reasons) must convert to an S.A.D., or Sociedad Anónima Deportiva - a public limited sports company - after staying in the league for more than a season. To be fair the rule was brought in on good faith and was aimed at discouraging the massive debt Spanish clubs seem so keen on enveloping themselves in, but simply did not take into account small, extremely well-run clubs like Eibar. Goes to show what a rarity they are.

5,250-capacity Ipurua, up in the mountains

     All of this means los Armeros, whose social capital is EUR422,253, have to raise EUR2,146,525 in order to be able to take their rightful place in La Liga next season. This leaves the club with roughly EUR1.7m to raise and only a matter of months in which to do it. If they can't raise the funds by early August they will be relegated back to the maelstrom that is Segunda División B. In order to make up this massive amount, the club has set up the defiendealeibar site, where people can buy shares at EUR50 (£40) each. This has been doing extremely well so far, but as there is a limit on how many shares an individual can buy, it will take a lot of interest for the club to make its target.
     It must be emphasised at this point that Eibar are not the only club to be affected by this law - Lugo and Mirandés were in the same situation last year and both managed to come through the other side. However, the two situations differ as neither of those two were on the verge of promotion (Lugo finished 11th and Mirandés 15th) and people have been incensed by the possibility that the best team in the league, which had only just been promoted from Segunda B the season before, could be relegated back there. 'Unfair' is a word that keeps cropping up, and it is indeed unfair that Eibar could be punished simply for being well-run while most of the other teams around them continue spunking money up the wall. Another way of looking at the blatant injustice of the situation is that it could in fact help Eibar: The other two clubs managed to raise their capital to meet the amount specified in the complicated workings set out in the Royal Decree even though they were unfashionable small clubs whose story did not make big news even in Spain, let alone internationally. Conversely, Eibar's story has been widely circulated to bellows of justified outrage, and so in theory it should prove easier for them to raise the necessary capital thanks to the goodwill of football fans both at home and abroad. Add World Cup winners Xabi Alonso and David Silva raising awareness of Eibar's plight (the pair both used to play for the Basque side on loan from their respective clubs) and fingers crossed Eibar will be a fixture in the Primera División calendar next season. Football paper Marca seems pretty sure they're up, often not even mentioning the precarious position Eibar finds itself in when it deigns to report on the Liga Adelante.

Celebrating now, but will they be
celebrating come August?

     Nonetheless, the problems would not stop there for Eibar were the football authorities to graciously accept them into the Primera. Four of the team that beat Lugo last week were players loaned from other clubs. Matchwinner in the last two games Jota is borrowed from Celta Vigo and will return to his parent club with his model girlfriend Jessica Bueno. A double shame for most supporters. Two-thirds of the players loaned in from Real Sociedad are set to leave Eibar for sure: Dani García and former Tottenham never-man Yuri Berchiche are leaving town and the future of Alain Eizmendi is up in the air at the moment. The winger Jose Luis Morales could return to Levante and although he'd obviously prefer to stay and go up with the team to La Liga, the Brazilian Gilvan Gomes previously agreed to return to Hércules. Perversely, the winger could yet be in the same boat as Eibar nonetheless, as he could have been going up but is instead going down - Hércules are four points from safety and therefore destined to finish stone-last in the Segunda. Many of the rest of the squad are at polar opposite ends of their playing careers, and one can imagine it will prove difficult to lure higher-profile 'names' to play in front of fewer than 5,000 fans week-in, week-out. But that's not how they do things in these parts anyway - the manager has previously stated that no player is bigger than the club and that is a phrase to which they are keen to stay true. In Gaizka Garitano's own words; "One thing is non-negotiable: we're all the same, there are no splits and anyone who does not share that view has no place here."

Eibar's other 'ascent'

     After the 1-0 win against Lugo, the Eibar players 'celebrated' their pending promotion (fund-raising notwithstanding!) by undertaking the gruelling Santuario de Arrate climb by bike. This is a 7.5km route that begins in the city and ends 535m higher above sea level. I don't know which sadist on the coaching staff came up with the idea but I can imagine that half-way up many of the players will have been wishing the league had relegated them after all!
     The donations keep dripping in bit by bit, and the club has so far raised nearly 72% of the necessary amount with 61 days remaining in which to raise the rest. Hopefully enough people who care about justice in football will come forward between now and then to ensure Eibar are playing at the level they have earned. Club president Alex Aranzabal flatly rejected the proposal that the club could be sold to outside investment, saying "we'd rather take the punishment and get demoted rather than share the soul of what SD Eibar is as a football club." Let us hope it does not come to that.

Anyone interested in helping SD Eibar by buying shares can do so via http://www.defiendealeibar.com/
Also to help, please retweet #defiendealeibar on the Twitter to help raise awareness.

Week 36 - Second winds and suplexes

     If the top three in La Liga were marathon runners, Week 36 was the point in the race at which they suffered a collective sugar crash and hit the wall.

     None of them has held a massively convincing lead all season long, with all three swapping places periodically. Atlético have been leading for a while now, having won nine in a row since the 2-2 draw with Real, and are in control of pole position as the trio enter the athletics stadium for the final 400m of the marathon. No-one gave the capital's second club even the slightest hope of figuring in the race for first at the start of the season and although it would still represent great work to finish even third, so close to the incomparable riches of Barcelona and Real Madrid, Cholo Simeone would be absolutely sickened to see his team falter now and lose what they've fought so hard for all season. So would every single neutral fan in the world (I did a survey).
     Much to the dismay of neutrals across the galaxy, los Colchoneros dropped 3 massive points on Sunday and were caught up by Barcelona and Real Madrid. However the dream remains alive as their rivals only managed to pull Atleti back by a solitary point after both drew in the 92nd minute, one scoring at that point and the other conceding. This was the first time all season the top three had dropped points on the same weekend; on such margins are leagues won, lost and misplaced. The three results mean Atlético still have the title in their own hands and are favourites with just two games remaining, but it is anyone's guess as to who can blast through the pain barrier in the mad final dash to the finish line and claim the league trophy.

'Tito, always eternal'

     Barcelona were up first out of the top three this weekend, hosting relegation-haunted Getafe at Camp Nou. Los Culés have had to re-evaluate what they consider a walkover this season, and playing the team joint third from bottom no longer counts as such. The club unveiled a massive banner dedicated to Tito Vilanova before kickoff, but the team were unable to honour their former manager in the way they would have wanted. Barça posted their usual numbers with regards to possession and passes but yet again it was the final score that mattered most, the home team conceding in the 92nd minute. Twice they had led, though Messi and Alexis Sánchez, and twice they were pegged back level by the not-normally prolific Ángel Lafita.

Real legend vs Real traitor

     After the game Getafe manager Cosmin Contra stated his belief that his team can stay in the Primera if they continue to play "with such spirit," but despite being unbeaten in three games his team will need others to play worse than them as they are only a point above the relegation zone and have Valencia up next. The subject of much discussion in Catalunya at present is the identity of the next Barcelona manager as the word is that the club will say ta-ta to Tata once this season is finally over. Real Madrid turncoat Luis Enrique appears to be favourite after he was spotted meeting Azulgrana director of football and former teammate Andoni Zubuzarreta at the start of the week, but Celta Vigo are doing their darndest to hold onto him. Other speculation has alleged the team is chasing current Athletic Bilbao coach Ernesto Valverde.

     The result at Camp Nou meant Altético Madrid had the chance to streak ahead of Barcelona on the final corner of the marathon before the home straight and dash Blaugrana hopes in the title challenge, but they too stuttered. Although left-back Filipe Luis scored an unfortunate own-goal after only 7 minutes, the real author of Alteti's downfall was Levante 'keeper Keylor Navas, who had another stupendous game in the face of 23 shots from los Colchoneros (8 on target). The Costa Rican has been in rich form recently and a video emerged of him this week saving tennis balls shot at him at 160km by pro tennis player Pablo Andújar. David Barral doubled Levante's lead midway through the second half following a sweet one-two with Víctor Casadesús, but it had long since been apparent that Atleti wouldn't be able to knock down the wall called Keylor.

No bananas to make a light-hearted
but serious point this time

     After the game Cholo Simeone opined that the loss was "the best thing that could have happened to us", while Levante goalscorer Barral apologised to Atlético fans and defended that his team "wanted to win the match; not fuck the league up for anybody". Despite the league leaders dropping points at the Estadi Ciutat de València, the main talking point after the match was, yet again, racism. Levante midfield crusher Pape Diop heard monkey chants emanating from the away end throughout the game, and eventually did a monkey dance in response. By this time, with his team leading, a few Atleti players close by thought he was doing a victory dance in front of their fans and ran over to remonstrate with him. One of the main peace-makers following the unsightly set-to that developed was Diego Costa - a man usually more comfortable in the role of antagonist - who had spotted what had gone on. The TV cameras also spotted what had gone on, and caught an Atético fan taunting Diop, jumping from side to side with hands under his armpits. It remains to be seen what, if any, action the LFP takes. After the game, Diop explained "they called me a monkey, so I turned and imitated a monkey. I'm tired of racism in football, and there's a lot of it." The midfielder went on to say "I'm not sure if it's racism or a lack of respect, but they've got to stop the monkey chants."

     After Barcelona's last-minute draw and Atleti's defeat, Real Madrid could have put themselves in a much better position ahead of the last two weekends of action but seemingly staggered when trying to overtake their rivals on the outside of that final turn in the title race. Los Blancos had their most difficult remaining match on Sunday night, hosting Valencia at the Bernabéu, and knew that if they won they'd leapfrog Barcelona and be 3 points behind their cross-town rivals with a game in hand.

Haiiiii-yah!!

     After the taxing task of thrashing Bayern Munich in midweek, Ancelotti's eyebrow decided to rest a few players, with the likes of Marcelo, Varane and Illarramendi starting. Valencia took the lead just before half-time through Jeremie Mathieu but Real equalised through Sergio Ramos' third headed goal in a week. Permanently dopey-faced QPR-reject Dani Parejo put the visitors back in front and Brazilian 'keeper extraordinaire Diego Alves managed to keep the white hordes at bay right up to the very end when Di María's cross found Cristiano Ronaldo in the area. The Portuguese span on a sixpence, turned and ninja-kicked the ball into the net. Bruce Lee eat your heart out.

Betis - getting there eventually

     Down at the bottom, already-relegated Betis lost in the 94th minute to nearly-relegated Almería in the seemingly-weekly Andalusian derby. If these two were taking part in the same marathon as the top three they'd both be raising money and coming along just 'for the fun'; Almería dressed in a massive and overly sweaty donkey outfit and Real Betis turning up in a deep-sea diving suit, eventually finishing the course a week after everyone else. This result could prove the energy drink that boosts los Rojiblancos' chances of survival after a completely unmarked Ramon Azeez headed a 94th-minute winner, sparking a mini pitch invasion.
     Above Betis but below Getafe and Almería in the two remaining relegation spots are Osasuna and Real Valladolid. Osasuna look to be on a bit of a downer after being sunk by a Nolito brace at home to Celta Vigo while la Pucela beat Espanyol 1-0 to draw level on 35 points. Granada moved 3 points above the relegation zone with a 1-1 draw at Real Sociedad, secured with a 93rd minute Odion Ighalo strike. Elche kept space between themselves and the drop thanks to a 1-0 win at Málaga courtesy of a Garry Rodrigues goal 11 minutes in. In all seriousness the league should be wrapped up come the weekend as Atlético play Málaga. The boys in blue and white may as well not bother turning up, so absolutely shameful has their form been. They're 5 points clear of the drop but will only be safe thanks to others' screw-ups, rather than through any iota of effort on their own part, manager Berndt Schuster saying he didn't recognise some of the players on the pitch on the weekend. To complete the round-up, Athletic Bilbao secured a Champions League spot for next season thanks to a 3-0 win over Rayo Vallecano allied to a Sevilla 0-0 draw at home to Villarreal.


     The compact nature of the standings in Liga Adelante, as well as the fact that anyone can beat almost anyone else on any given day, mean the lower division resembles not so much a marathon as a royal rumble wrestling match. With less spandex. And less homoerotic undertones. But probably just as much diving.

One happier with the result than t'other

     Current leaders Deportivo de La Coruña are losing form at exactly the wrong time, possibly tiring from being in the centre of the ring for so long. They drew 2-2 away at local rivals CD Lugo after leading 2-0 through first-half goals from Diego Ifrán and Pablo Insua before the home team hit back through a Vincenzo Rennella brace. The Italian's second came 5 minutes from time thanks to a complete brain-fart from the Depor defence; a free kick causing all sorts of problems and ending with 'keeper Germán Lux rushing out just to punch thin air before the ball nestled into the unguarded net.

     Behind Superdépor each of Eibar, Las Palmas and Real Murcia won, heaping increased pressure on the team from the north east with the gap between them now down to 2, 7 and 9 points respectively. Eibar enjoyed their trip to the islands where they defeated Mallorca 2-0, both goals coming from David Mainz in the 75th and 78th minutes. If the first was down to lazy, poor defending as the Mallorca players sat off him in the area, the second was down to...lazy, poor defending; this time 'keeper Rubén Miño not expecting the ball to pop out of a challenge at him before he meekly palmed it into the fortuitous striker's path.

Gómez and pals celebrate

     Las Palmas beat Zaragoza, who local businessman Mariano Casasnovas is supposedly preparing to buy, 2-1 at La Romareda thanks to a Vicente Gómez brace inside the first 11 minutes, the second an absolute peach. Instead of controlling a lofted through-ball from deep, the striker cheekily lofted it over the stranded Leo Franco with his left foot on the volley. A truly stupendous strike. Los Blanquillos pulled a goal back through Paco Montañés on the quarter-hour mark but couldn't force another.

     Murcia were also away, at Hércules. In addition to strengthening their own promotion hopes, los Pimentoneros added to the relegation worries of their hosts, their 3-2 victory leaving the Alicante club rock bottom. Saúl gave the visitors the lead after capitalising on possibly the weakest and most ill-advised backpass in the history of mankind from Hector Font who, to be fair to him, had only just come on. Former Barcelona and Man Citeh youth Gai Assulin equalised just before halftime, but further crass and ponderous defending allowed Murcia to bag all three points in spite of a late de Lucas consolation. Hércules by name, seemingly not by nature.

Celebrating before the equaliser...
tsk tsk

     El Toralín saw some suspect goalkeeping in a six-pointer between Ponferradina and Alavés which was won by the hosts 2-1 and leaves the visitors level with Hércules seated on the trapdoor with 41 points. Things continue to go from bad to worse for Real Madrid Castilla and one can hazard a guess that not many of this current crop will be seen at the Bernabéu anytime soon. In front of a crowd of 3,450 Castilla surrendered a 1-0 lead against Real Jaén to end the game all square; a result which favours neither team in their quests to avoid the drop.

     The result of the day was seen in the Canary Islands, where Girona did themselves a massive favour by suplexing high-flying Tenerife 1-0 with a Jandro penalty on 47 minutes after Javi Moyano was harshly adjudged to have handled in the area.

     Five games left; fifteen points up for grabs; plenty still to play for at both the top and bottom. Llllllet's get ready to rumblllllllllle!

Liga Adelante... a compact, sweaty mess