Champs League - Cibeles & Neptune celebrate

     On Monday, Madrid's city council announced that both the Cibeles and Neptune fountains would be cordoned off ahead of this week's Champions League semifinals in case either or both of Real and Atlético Madrid won through to the final. Some may have thought this slightly presumptuous, others foolhardy, but in the end the gamble paid off. On Tuesday night hundreds of Real Madrid fans congregated, as has become customary in times of celebration, by the Fuente de Cibeles, while on Wednesday they were joined by Atleti fans a short walk away at the Fuente de Neptuno.

     The next real problem for the council will be when the two teams face each other in the final on May 24. Although the match itself is being held some 503km away in Lisbon, the place to be - the only place to be, will be Madrid. An advert for Mahou beer which began airing on Wednesday suggested rather naively that if both teams end up in the final, their fans should all merge happily at the Fuente de Apolo which conveniently sits smack-bang between the two clubs' adopted celebration spots. Not much chance of that happening I'd say. I also imagine the policía won't thank the beer firm for its suggestion.

     Real reached their first Champions League final in 12 years and took one step closer to la Décima - the 10th European Cup which has turned into an obsession within the club - by humiliating Bayern Munich on what proved to be a record-breaking evening. Madrid's 1-0 win in the first leg left the tie finely poised, the players aware that if they kept a clean sheet they would progress. But this team was not made to sit back and defend; Real's 'signature move' is the lightning-fast counter-attack, and the team stayed true to its methods. If they scored one, Bayern would have to score two; if they scored two, Bayern would have to score three; and if they scored three, the Germans would have to beat San Iker an unthinkable four times. In the end, even this feat would not have proved enough to save the Bavarians after a powerful Cristiano Ronaldo free kick at the death made the score 4-0 to los Blancos. At the Allianz Arena. It was Bayern's heaviest ever home defeat in European competition. It was also the worst defeat of Guardiola's career.

Guardiola: "I read in Madrid that
they're already in the CL final"
YOU READ RIGHT

     The week had started with the Munich coach in bullish mood in the press, confident of his team's chances of getting through to the final. He's been in football long enough to know that a 1-0 first leg victory is easily overturned, and will have recalled Bayern crushing Barcelona 7-0 on aggregate at this stage of the competition last year. However by the end of the game on Tuesday the Catalan was being lambasted by fans, who booed his decision to replace the hard-working but ineffective Thomas Müller with rotund Chelsea reject Claudio Pizarro in the 72nd minute. By that point though, the game had long been over as a contest.
     In truth, the referee could have ended the game at half time and the German fans would have been grateful. Real were already three goals to the good and could well have been even further in front. Bayern's tactics seemed to play into Madrid's hands and the Spanish team were 2-0 up before 20 minutes had shown up on the board, both goals coming from the same source - the flat forehead of Sergio Ramos. It seemed the Munich defence had decided that marking the opposition's most potent aerial threat was beneath them and twice the Andalusian stole in unmarked to smash the ball home with that slab above his suspiciously small eyes - the first after 15 minutes from a perfect Modrić corner, the second from an Ángel di María free kick Madrid were fortunate to win just four minutes later. I was left to curse my luck for not finding time to get to BetFred before the game as I fancied Ramos at 25-1 for the first goal. For those that don't know, his odds would have then doubled, leaving me with £50 profit for even a poxy £1 bet. Fiddlesticks.

Karaoke. Madrid-style

     Far more lucky than I was Ramos himself who, quite apart from scoring his side's first two goals, was walking a tightrope with a booking to his name before the match - were he to get carded during the game, the centre-back would miss the final through suspension. If you thought that he'd therefore take things easy and stand off a bit, you'd be dead wrong. And if you thought he'd be hauled off at half-time with his team winning 3-0 and almost certainly through, you'd be wrong again. Sucks to be you, if that's the case. The Seville native was in the frame every single time there were any verbals or handbags between the two sets of players in the first half, leaving Ancelotti's eyebrow squirming in discomfort until it had seen enough and finally hooked the Madrid number 4 in the 74th minute.
     Unfortunately for Real, Xabi Alonso was neither as lucky nor as clever in the challenge as his teammate, and he will now miss the final after receiving a booking for a silly, needless tackle on 37 minutes. The player was absolutely devastated, left lying on the turf and wishing he could turn back time. If it didn't work for Cher, it sure as hell ain't gonna work for you, matey, excellent red beard or not. The midfielder's dismay will not have been helped by CR7, who was still berating him for his idiocy as they lined up in the wall to block the resulting free kick.

CR7 eventually realised he didn't have
enough hands to count to 15

     What made the yellow card even worse was that Real Madrid already had the tie in the bag by that point, Ronaldo breaking the record for the highest amount of goals in a Champions League season with his 15th in the competition just after the half-hour mark. As in the first leg, Madrid countered from within their own box and ended up scoring within a matter of seconds. However, whereas their goal at the Bernabéu took ten touches from end to end, their third on the night at the Allianz Arena took just nine, presumably because they didn't use Pepe's arse at any point this time. Lessons learned and all that. On the halfway line a beautiful ball once more from the hard-working Karim Benzema fed Gareth Bale who scorched towards goal before dumbfounding both Dante and Manuel Neuer with a cute reverse pass to Ronaldo with his wrong foot. The Portuguese made no mistake from just within the area, although Neuer will be angry with himself for allowing the ball to slip under his body.
     Bayern Munich had started to lose their discipline after the second goal and their bad mood just got worse the longer the contest went on, typified by Franck Ribéry slapping Dani Carvajal while the referee wasn't looking. Before the game Guardiola claimed that the Frenchman - like a smaller, pinker version of the Incredible Hulk - is at his best when he's angry. Despite a couple of short runs, the tricky winger resembled a pedestrian Bruce Banner rather than his green alter ego on the night. Conversely, Mario Mandžukić was a thorn in Real's side, albeit not with his footballing ability. The giant Croatian was seemingly tasked with sticking to Pepe and intercepting the Madrid number 3 any time he looked like provoking a riot.

Even Alonso's in there somewhere

     Guardiola appeared to have a bit of a rethink at half time and, deciding that stopping Pepe from inciting violence on the terraces wasn't his overriding priority, took off his striker in order to bring on Javi Martínez. Although a seemingly puzzling move, the substitution actually served to steady the boat for the Bavarian side and made them look far more of a team than the rabble they had started the match as. The Bayern coach conceded after the game that he'd been at fault and would take the blame for his players' poor performance. He need not have rushed to reproach himself though - the German papers were way ahead of him. Be that as it may, Real Madrid looked to be settling for the 3-0 scoreline until the last minute of normal time, when CR7 stepped up and smashed a free kick beneath the wall to record his 16th Champions League goal in just 10 games. It was also his 51st in 50 European games for los Merengues. Real Madrid are also now the team to have scored the most Champions League goals in a single season. So, like I said at the start, record breaking.

Mou's tactics board vs Liverpool

     The only thing broken at Stamford Bridge 24 hours later - apart from the public transport system - was John Terry; the Chelsea captain left sobbing like a lost child in a department store after Liga leaders Atlético Madrid handed a few stern lessons to the repeatedly and loudly self-proclaimed 'Champions of Europe'. José Mourinho has developed a reputation for 'parking the bus,' most recently taking 3 points from Anfield in a game where his tactics seemed to be simply to sit back with 10 men behind the ball and wait for Liverpool to screw up. Boring as hell, but then again he came away with a victory over the league leaders so he won't mind the criticism.
     On Wednesday though, Mou acted out of character and made an attacking substitution early on in the second half, taking off Ashley Cole - who's beard was not a touch on that sported by Arda Turan - and bringing on Samuel Eto'o. Most uncharacteristic. It appeared the Portuguese had blinked first in his staring contest with Cholo Simeone, although to be fair there's not many in the world mad enough to actually get into a staring competition with the perennially black-shirted Argentine. By that point in the game the 1-1 scoreline was weighted in Atleti's favour following the 0-0 stalemate at the Vicente Calderón last week.

     Atlético, resembling Olympiakos more than usual after having to dump their normal Blackburn-inspired blue shorts for red ones due to stupid modern-football stipulations about kit clashes, started with the fit-again Arda Turan but minus both Gabi and Raúl García and consequently struggled to impose themselves on the game in the early stages. The fear among the spectators in the ground was that they were set to watch another insipid 0-0 draw heading inexorably to penalties, and apart from dives from Diego Costa and Chelsea survivalist Ray Mears the only thing to enliven the opening 30 minutes was an audacious bicycle-kick from emotionally stunted man-boy-mop Davy Lewis.

Maybe he'd forgotten how to celebrate?

     The 3,000 travelling fans had kicked up a ruckus for the entire game, absolutely dominating the subservient home crowd, but los Colchoneros were silenced in the 36th minute. The lively and inventive Willian wriggled free from two challenges tight to the corner flag before César Azpilicueta delivered the ball in to former Atleti fan and wunder-kind Fernando Torres who finished with aplomb. And a healthy deflection off a defender. As is currently all the rage, el Niño held up his hands and refused to celebrate scoring against his boyhood club, but the Chelsea players and fans in attendance had no such quandaries and celebrated with great vim. Nonetheless, Atleti's task remained the same as it had at the outset and the team knew one goal would still be enough to see them through to the final.

Olympiakos Atleti players celebrate
in front of the travelling thousands

     That goal duly arrived right on the stroke of half time. The impressive if slightly raggedy-looking Tiago chipped a delicious ball across the box that looked for all the world like it was heading out for a goal kick but was kept in play by Juanfran. The right-back played like a train all evening, and just managed to keep the ball in play by hooking it across the face of goal - it flashed past two Chelsea defenders and arrived at a mildly surprised-looking Adrián. The man from Teverga only has one league goal to his name this season but didn't fail from a few yards out, his shot careering into the floor before bouncing into the back of the net right in front of the Atleti fans, who proceeded to go mental. After the game the man with the wide smile and the number 7 on his back described it as "the most important goal of my career". Advantage Atlético.
     The Chelsea manager's decision to replace Cole with Eto'o at the start of the second half did have an impact on the game, just not the one he would've wanted. Within 10 minutes of coming on, the former Real Madrid and Barcelona player committed a lazy forward's challenge on Diego Costa as the striker controlled a high corner, and referee Nicola Rizzoli duly pointed to the spot. Diego Costa dusted himself off and placed the ball down to take the resulting penalty himself. Then he placed it again. And again. Growing increasingly frustrated at the ball's refusal to either stay still or out of a hole the Brazilian pawed at the turf and eventually drew a yellow card from the ref, who assumed he was playing mind games. Costa eventually placed the ball at the bottom of the hole he'd dug then stepped up and rocketed it into the roof of the net. His unstoppable spot-kick made it 2-1 on the hour mark. Match point Atlético.

A sea of red in the corner of Stamford Bridge

     At this point los Rojiblancos were running the game entirely and impudently passing through and around Chelsea at their leisure. The suffering home fans were even subjected to a chorus of olés from the away end during one particularly attractive period of possession. Ten minutes after Costa's penalty, Atlético put the game to bed and secured passage to their first European Cup final since 1974. A lovely flowing move ended with a peach of a cross being curled into the far post where the late-arriving Arda Turan played a one-two with the crossbar before slotting his side's third goal. Checkmate: Game, set and match Atlético.
     Chelsea weren't terrible but were outclassed by their opponents, albeit with the help of a fortunate first goal to allow them back into the match. Willian played well for the Blues but by far their most dangerous player was the effervescent Eden Hazard, only just back from injury. Conversely, most of the men wearing red and white played out of their skins; Tiago, Arda Turan, Koke and Juanfran to the fore. With a few minutes remaining the home fans roused themselves enough for a chorus in support of their manager in spite of the defeat, but were then outsung by the Atleti fans who responded with "José Mourinho, hijo de puta" belted out with great gusto.

He cries when he wants, he cries when he waaaaants,
brave John Terry, he cries when he wants

     Upon the final whistle the away section went crazy and their players went over to celebrate with them. Luckily the cameras managed to spot John Terry wandering forlornly around the pitch and lingered with the image for a few seconds before cutting to an ad break. I'd like to think whoever was in charge of the coverage overruled the companies who had paid for advertising time and delayed going to the break. Despite the fact they'd reached the first Champions League final in their lives, a few Atleti players took the time to commiserate the Chelsea skipper. You can bet your bottom dollar, euro, peseta or lira that Terry would not have done so had the roles been reversed. The Atleti players showed what class is, there. As for myself, I have no qualms where it comes to this player and will freely admit I laughed my arse off at the images on my screen. As did probably another 89% of the country. Unconfirmed reports have surfaced since the game that Terry has asked his mum to nick him full Real and Atlético Madrid kits from Sports Direct...
     Mourinho was in uncharacteristically charitable mood after the game and congratulated Atlético Madrid on an excellent game, conceding they had deserved to go though. And for once, I actually think he was being sincere. For his part Cholo Simeone congratulated his players' mothers - as his whole squad had been born with "massive balls". The London underground had started running once more before the final whistle blew, but I got the distinct impression the Spanish fans were in no rush to leave Stamford Bridge.

     The two results mean that this year's edition will be the fifth European Cup final to be contested between two sides from the same country. Even more importantly, it will be the first ever decider in which two rivals from the same city will face off. It'll be interesting to see how they work out the fountain situation: The football will be played in Lisbon, but within the football world all eyes will be on Madrid.

Real win the Copa Clásico

Another Clásico, another classic. The game ebbed and flowed at times but Real ended up the victors.

     Despite notching 19 goals already in his début season in Spain, many were still calling Gareth Bale a flat track bully. They said he could only do it against the smaller teams Real Madrid battered. They said he couldn't perform on the big stage for los Blancos. Then again, they had said that about Cristiano Ronaldo before he won them the Copa del Rey with a physics-defying header in this very stadium, against this very opposition three years ago. Perhaps 'they' should think before they speak.
     History repeated itself last night in a way with Bale, like CR7 before him in 2011, scoring a sublime winner late on and picking up the man of the match plaudits, Marca hailing him as both 'the Prince of Wales' and 'Gareth Bolt'. Ronaldo was forced to watch from the stands due to injury and while Real will hope to have him back on the pitch sooner rather than later, manager Carlo Ancelotti and his energetic eyebrow will have been heartened by the way the team performed without him, especially Bale and the inspirational Ángel Di María.

An accommodating host

     The teams emerged into a cauldron of noise in the last final to be played at the Mestalla, Messi less than a foot taller than the mascot he appeared with. A strange atmosphere for a Clásico eventually emerged as both sides were whistled when in possession of the ball, one by the right half of the stadium, the other by the left.
The game started with Madrid more in control, their passing crisper and more positive than Barcelona's more ponderous style. The gameplan was immediately clear - get the ball to Di María and Bale in the danger areas - and it paid dividends early on. Bale received the ball and found Karim Benzema who had moved out towards the left wing. A beautifully-weighted first time pass from the Frenchman found Di María careering through the gaping holes in the Barcelona defence and into the area. The Argentine had Bale open to his right but elected to shoot, and although wannabe pirate Pinto got a hand to it, the ball skipped merrily into the far corner and nestled next to the post. 1-0 to Madrid and half the stadium went mental. I have to confess I did too, having put a bet on Di María to bag the first goal at 10-1. Result! Thank the gods he didn't pass to Bale. Anyway the Welshman's time would come soon enough.
     In the absence of CR7 and with Messi's continued slump showing no sign of ending, the Spanish press had changed from their usual tack and billed this as the battle of the EUR200m players; Bale vs Neymar. They may have cost nearly the same (taking into account the real cost of the Brazilian's transfer as well as the fines the club have had to pay for their dodgy dealings), but on this showing the pair are nearly incomparable. Neymar had a chance to level the game with pretty much the last kick, but smashed it into the face of the post. Before that, the closest he'd come to getting on the back pages was an attempted headbutt on Fabio Coentrão after being tackled in the area. Never backward in coming forward, the confusingly-coiffured Pepe stepped in and manhandled Neymar away. Referee Mateu Lahoz elected to book both Neymar and the central defender, much to the latter's consternation.

What did you call my mum?!

     By this point, the referee had already been forced to put up with quite a lot of rolling around and cajoling from the players as is now customary in Clásicos. Perhaps not as much as usual, but it would still irk the bejeezus out of me if I had to babysit those 22 players. It has to be said, Lahoz dealt with the histrionics extremely well, not falling for most of the dives and remonstrating with players who committed them. Twice in a minute he got right up in the grills of Barcelona players who he felt aggrieved by, first young Marc Bartra for fannying about on the floor as if he'd been shot by a double-barrelled shotgun rather than slightly and mistakenly brushed by Coentrão, and then Javier Mascherano for a criticism levelled at him. Or having bad breath. Mascherano definitely looks like he could have bad breath.
     Barcelona were racking up their usual numbers in the possession and passes columns to little avail. While at some points they had up to 75% possession, Real looked far the more likely to score, with Isco having a side-footed effort blocked by a delicious last-ditch tackle from a now fresh-breathed Mascherano on 35 minutes. At the other end, and after 472 sideways passes, Barcelona encroached on the Madrid box and caused a bit of a scramble which ended with Messi rifling his shot wide of the upright.
     Jordi Alba, who had earlier beaten Dani Carvajal to a header in the 'contest of the small wing-backs' only to head straight at Casillas, was replaced by Adriano at the break, a move surely brought on more by injury than anything else. The second half began in the same vein as the first, with the effervescent Bale at the centre of all quick Real attacks. The Welsh winger smacked a shot into the side netting a couple of minutes after the restart and remained threatening throughout. The footballer formerly known as Messi then floated a freekick innocuously over Casillas' bar before Mascherano crudely chopped Pepe down as he burst into the Barcelona half and correctly drew a yellow card from the ref. I'm not sure what Pepe thought he was doing, bombing into anyone's half as a centre back, but it looked reasonably impressive nonetheless. From the resulting freekick, three Barça players challenged each other for the ball under no pressure whatsoever and only succeeded in feeding the waiting Bale on the edge of the box. The Cardiff lad chested the ball to tee himself up and unleashed a volley which sailed fractionally over the crossbar.

Uhn-tiss uhn-tiss uhn-tiss... Enya

     Fàbregas was apparently playing in the 'false 9' position popularised over the past couple of years, but to me he looked like he was playing as a 'false 4', so far back was he operating. An advert currently doing the rounds on the tellybox sees Cesc putting on his headphones to drown out the hoards of Madrid fans and outside influences while on his way to a game, and perhaps the only explanation for his tepid display in Valencia is that he'd been chilling out to some Enya or whalesong before the game. Bloody hippy. The
former Arsenal man was hooked off on the hour mark and Pedro entered the fray, presumably to add some attacking inclination. A few minutes later, Bartra wondered up from the back and, apparently growing tired of his team's lacklustre sideways passing shenanigans, unleashed a shot on goal from range. Casillas in the Madrid goal had prepped himself before the game to be playing Barcelona and so appeared highly surprised at this most un-Barça-like attempt. The 'keeper unconvincingly punched the ball wide for a corner and seemed grateful it hadn't ended up in the back of the net.
     Madrid then doubled their lead on 66 mins, that man Bale getting the goal his performance so richly deserved. Unfortunately for the men in white Pinto had scurried so far from his line, presumably in search of treasure or wenches, that when Bale headed the ball into the unguarded net there was only one defender betwixt he and the goal line. A good spot by the ref/linesman and as every schoolboy knows, the offside law dictates that there must be at least two opposition players between the goalscorer and the line for a strike to count.

Bartra looks as surprised as anyone

     Nonetheless, a goal from a corner was scored within a minute, and this time it counted. The Catalans hauled themselves level when Bartra, still playing in a most un-Barça fashion, lost Pepe and helped himself to a free header. Surely this shooting-from-range, winning-headers-in-the-box kind of malarkey will be coached out of the youngster before he gets any other funny ideas. It's just not the Barça way. The Real half of the Mestalla was stunned, the Barcelona half ecstatic. The 15,000 or so officials and dignitaries were
probably nonplussed. Then again none of them had paid up to EUR2,600 for a ticket.
     After the goal, the game was turned on its head. Whereas before Real had been attacking quickly, dangerously and with purpose, now they appeared fearful of their opponents and kept misplacing the easiest of passes, possibly recalling other similar incidences where they went on to lose the game. Barcelona, by comparison, were now full of attacking intent, players in every position constantly harrying for the ball. For the remainder of the match they looked like the Barça of a few years ago, or even like present-day Bayern Munich. After Modrić hit the post for Madrid only a great tackle from Pepe at the other end stopped Barcelona taking the lead

     However, cometh the hour, cometh the Welshman. Receiving a pass just inside his own half just six minutes from extra-time, Bale knocked it past Marc Bartra. The two were involved in a short tussle by the byline but the Barcelona youngster's pressure wasn't enough to put chronic diver Bale to the ground. The Real #11 ended up some three yards outside the touchline following a nudge from the defender but simply applied the afterburners. He absolutely stormed round his marker and re-entered the pitch clocked at

'Gareth Bolt' applies the finish to his wonder-goal

73mph, and entered the area with beautiful control, surely a near impossible feat at that speed. Pinto saw him coming and cast aside his eye-patch all the better to see when the Welshman tucked the ball between his peg-legs with the cutest of finishes. Half the stadium erupted once more - the other side. Bale didn't make any friends by sprinting to the byline to celebrate in front of the Barça end. This wasn't done in a malicious manner though - if you've just scored such an amazing goal you're unlikely to have any capacity left for rational thought. The Culés in the section behind him didn't seem to appreciate the savage beauty of the goal, somehow..
     Bale's momentous goal absolutely took the wind out of the Barcelona sails but there was always likely to be one more twist in the tale. It is the way of such things. A fantastic ball from Xavi split the Real defence, which had seen Varane added to its ranks in place of the hard-working Benzema as the clocked ticked over 90, and ended up with Neymar. Had the uprights not been screwed in properly, the Brazilian's shot would have blown the entire damnable goal right into the massed ranks of fans behind, but as it was the strike cannoned off the post and straight back into the grateful arms of Casillas. The last action of the game saw Bale fouled and left flat on his back. It was an appropriate way to end things. The only way any opposition could have stopped the Cardiff lad would have been to put him in the hospital. He was simply unplayable at times.

Copas are like buses...

     While the Real players celebrated in the time-honoured tradition of massing with thousands of fans by the Cibeles fountain in the capital (Ramos didn't drop their shiny new trophy under the bus this time, but he did pretend to), their Barcelona counterparts carried out what is becoming their own new post-match routine of being heckled and abused by their own supporters upon reaching Camp Nou. Yet again they trudged, heads bowed, to their cars as curses rained down. Yet again Messi was singled out for personal treatment, with fans shouting tongue-in-cheek for him to 'run less'. The
usually twinkle-toed playmaker has been worryingly quiet and downcast these past few weeks, and the newspapers in Argentina are nervously hoping that he's saving himself for a big performance for his country in the upcoming World Cup.
     Various papers in Spain are postulating that this signifies the end of the triumphant Barcelona cycle, but this is all surely a bit premature. Yes they've had an awful week, losing out in two competitions and falling further behind in the other, but after their long period of domination they were always bound to suffer some sort of lapse of form.
     On the other hand, their hated rivals are on a different level entirely. Time and again in post-match interviews the phrase that kept being repeated was that the players hope to add to their haul of silverware this season and return to Cibeles once more. Or even twice. There is no fear ahead of the next round of the Champions League now, a marked turnaround following the abject performance to creep through against Dortmund. Cristiano Ronaldo reckons he might be fit for the first leg of the semi-final and should make the second, but the question is; do Real need him??