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Showing posts with label Arda Turan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Arda Turan. Show all posts

Friday, 23 May 2014

Massive week for Madrid in League & Cup

     All the way through, as the weeks and months racked up with his team still in pole position, Cholo Simeone argued they wouldn't be able to win it. Everyone agreed. There was no way Atlético Madrid would be able to stay the course and prise La Liga from the monied grip of the Real Madrid-Barcelona duopoly. Then results started to falter - for all three teams. Real were first to lose touch; three games without a win and they were out of the race even if they won on the last day (and they did, 3-1). Barcelona had drawn two in a row ahead of the final game of the season but still had the title within their grasp - all they had to do was beat Atleti and they'd win the league. At home. In front of a packed Camp Nou with just 447 away fans shunted precariously up in the heavens. Atleti had also faltered; no wins in the last two games, draws becoming easier to come by than wins. However, just one more draw would secure their first title since 1996, when Cholo was out on the pitch rather than in the dugout, and the omens were good - they hadn't lost to Barca in five meetings already this season.
The lucky 447
     Barcelona had been looking shaky of late, the positive results they did pick up coming courtesy of strange own-goals and lucky let-offs. They did not look far better in front of their partisan home crowd on Saturday either but were handed a massive boost when both Diego Costa and Arda Turan had to come off injured before the game was 25 minutes old. With Atleti's star players tear-struck on the bench, Barcelona proceeded to take the lead in emphatic style with an audacious, barnstorming goal from the otherwise bland-as-light mayonnaise Alexis Sánchez. The Chilean received a knock-down from the sluggish-looking Messi in the area just after the half-hour mark and blasted the ball past La Liga goalkeeper of the season Thibaut Courtois from an acute angle into the roof of the net. No-one on earth could've stopped that strike, not even the Zamora winner. However, despite getting their noses in front Barcelona never really looked like extending their lead and became increasingly frustrated, typified by both alleged World Cup enthusiast Messi and man-rat experiment Sergio Busquets being booked at half time for dissent.
Godín goal
     I couldn't say for sure what Simeone told his team at half-time but I'm positive it involved swearing. A lot of swearing. Whatever he said, it had the desired effect as Atleti equalised within 5 minutes of the restart. They could have actually scored even before that as they lay siege to pirate Pinto's goal straight from kick-off, but eventually pulled level when Diego Godín launched himself skywards and smacked a header past the despairing 'keeper from a Gabi corner. The few hundred Atleti fans in the stands went berserk while (most of) the rest of the country prayed for the result to stay this way. They all will have had their hearts in their mouths when Messi did find the net, but the diminutive Argentine was flagged offside, calming fears of nationwide palpitations.
     Pipped to the league by that solitary equalising goal, it has to be said the fans in Camp Nou were magnanimous in defeat. At the final whistle all sides of the stadium rose and applauded the victors, sensing the fact they had seen the culmination of something special. The match may not have proved a classic, but the season definitely was. And hey, at least the Madrid they'd lost the title to was Atético and not Real, right? In Marca, the only Barcelona player to receive a half-decent rating was the possibly-outgoing Javier Mascherano who was awarded 6.5 out of 10. Iniesta got 5.5, Pedrito got 4 and Messi got 3. Conversely, every single Atleti player was scored as either a 9 or a 10 with the exception of Costa and Turan, both of whom got 7s. OK, this is Marca we're talking about and the markings, while way over-egged, are not to be unexpected.
The Atleti-dominated team of the season
The performance typified Atleti's entire season; their team ethic, their determination and their leader on the sidelines, the man who played for Atlético both when they'd last won the championship and when they re-emerged from the purgatory of the Segunda División in 2003. Just to reiterate the point, seven Atleti players made the Liga BBVA team of the season; Courtois, Filipe Luis, Godín, Juanfran, Gabi, Koke and Diego Costa. No Barcelona players whatsoever were included while Real Madrid's only representative was CR7, who also claimed the Pichichi trophy. Ander Iturraspe and Aymeric Laporte of Athletic Bilbao also made the cut, as did Sevilla's highly impressive Croatian Ivan Rakitić, who in my opinion was the player of the season outright and now looks set to be bombarded with offers of heavy bags of money from Real Madrid over the summer.
     At the final whistle Cholo was enveloped in a bear hug by Germán 'Mono' Burgos, the ever-expanding former Atleti keeper, finally being disgorged to display a wide, almost manic smile. After repeatedly denying his team could do it, they'd finally done it. Nothing could dampen the Argentine manager's spirits. When it emerged that the team would not be presented with the league title trophy because Ángel María Villar, the president of the Spanish Football Federation, was unable to attend the match, Simeone smiled again and said "that doesn't matter, they can't take it off us". No, Cholo, they cannot indeed.
All whores free!!!
Despite the absence of the league trophy, reportedly over 200,000 Colchoneros turned out in Madrid for the title procession. The city was painted white and red, where it is historically more used to being painted simply white. They lined the route for miles, perched on any vantage point they could find or riding alongside on mopeds, and the parade eventually culminated at the Fountain of Neptune, which has seen a lot more action in recent years than its counterpart a short walk away at Cibeles. They partied well into the night, and some of the players promised they would be back in a week's time to celebrate victory over la Real in the Champions League final as well. Many partied well into the night in Valencia too, although some were working overtime: brothel D'Angelo Palace had taken out an advert in the paper during the week promising "If Atlético Madrid win the league, all whores free!!!", as well as offering free drinks during the game itself. I imagine the owner will have been left feeling bruised the next day. Not half as much as his employees though...

     In the aftermath of Atleti's victory, Tata Martino bade goodbye to the team, stepping down after admitting it had been 'a privilege' to be part of the set-up at Barcelona. He was replaced with Real Madrid turncoat Luis Enrique. I can see the sense in the move; it's similar to when they appointed Pep Guardiola to the role. Before leaving for first-team manager positions elsewhere, Enrique had been the Barca B coach. The first team is widely accepted to be in need of a revamp or overhaul, and he will know the players coming through now from his time with them when they were younger. Not many will know better than he who, if any, of them is poised or able to become the next Xavi, Puyol etc. Plus he'll add another extra niggle to next season's Clásicos.

     Saturday afternoon brings the game of the season outside of La Liga, with two of the very best teams in the league facing each other in a one-off encounter. To the victor go the spoils and the glory. But enough about QPR at Wembley as they prepare to take on Derby, Saturday also sees Real Madrid take on Atlético Madrid in the Champions League final. As has been pointed out before, this is the first ever final between two teams from the same city. Real are still chasing la Décima, their tenth European Cup, while Atleti are playing for their first. Los Rojiblancos have reached the final just once before, in 1974 when they lost 4-0 to Bayern Munich in a replay after drawing 1-1 after extra time in the first game.
Costa & Turan; both hairy and important
     Atleti's biggest injury concern is over star Brazilian Spanish striker Diego Costa and European beard-champion Arda Turan. The influential pair were back to training with a football by early Thursday afternoon before joining the main group for a short while, but remain touch and go for the final. Costa had previously flown to Serbia for special horse placenta treatment. Well you would, wouldn't you? I know he's liable to try anything to make sure he plays in the biggest game of his career, but surely this doctor's taking him for a ride?
     As CR7 and Bale both seem to have recovered sufficiently from their injuries, Real's major doubt rests with Pepe; the central defender has formed a formidable double-act with Sergio Ramos in the centre of defence. As well as being one of the best partnerships in the modern game, they must also Shirley be the most despised bar none. Nevertheless for all the cheating, handstamping, diving, whining, attempted murders and more diving, Pepe is a class defender on his day and would be missed by Ancelotti. The Italian's eyebrow need not leap into a dance of frustration just yet though, as youngster Raphaël Varane could regain fitness in time to deputise. The Frenchman was brilliant last season but has found it difficult to disrupt the Pepe/Ramos axis of evil this time round. If he starts, lump on him for the first goal - there's my tip. Karim Benzema is expected to start after recovering from injury.
Alonso: out
Xabi Alonso, however, will definitely miss out after needlessly collecting a second booking in the semi-final second-leg with his team 4-0 up on aggregate. This rule should definitely be scrapped - the only reason a player should miss the final of any competition, apart from injury or just being John Terry, should be a red card in the previous match. Finals are showcase events and supporters and spectators - sorry FIFA, consumers - want to see the best players out there. Minor rant over.

     As a seperate nice touch, Atlético's specially-made shirts for the final will carry the name of deceased club legend Luis Aragonés inside the collar. The man who Cholo said he could feel defending with the team in the closing stages against Barcelona last week is a massive part of the history of los Colchoneros having played with great distinction for the club for a decade. Despite being best known on these shores solely for his negro de mierda comments about World Cup cheat Thierry Henry to José Antonio Reyes ahead of an international game, Aragonés has the seventh-most appearances for Atleti, with 372, and is the club's all-time top scorer with 173 goals. He also managed the club over four separate spells totalling 17 years, helping the team escape the Seguna División in his last spell. He also set the Spanish international team on its way to winning absolutely everything.

     I apologise that this post wasn't as in-depth a look at either the big game last week or the upcoming Champions League final on Saturday as I would've liked, but I've been looking forward to watching QPR at Wembley all week - I can't really concentrate on anything else. The scheduling also means I either won't watch the Champions League final at all, or may watch it and not remember a great deal, depending on the Rangers result! So the next post may be on something completely unrelated. Soz. I promise to make up for it with a good 'un though, scouts honour :P

Charlie, Charlie Charlie,
Charlie Charlie,
Charlie Charlie Austin!!

Thursday, 1 May 2014

Champs League - Cibeles & Neptune celebrate

     On Monday, Madrid's city council announced that both the Cibeles and Neptune fountains would be cordoned off ahead of this week's Champions League semifinals in case either or both of Real and Atlético Madrid won through to the final. Some may have thought this slightly presumptuous, others foolhardy, but in the end the gamble paid off. On Tuesday night hundreds of Real Madrid fans congregated, as has become customary in times of celebration, by the Fuente de Cibeles, while on Wednesday they were joined by Atleti fans a short walk away at the Fuente de Neptuno.
     The next real problem for the council will be when the two teams face each other in the final on May 24. Although the match itself is being held some 503km away in Lisbon, the place to be - the only place to be, will be Madrid. An advert for Mahou beer which began airing on Wednesday suggested rather naively that if both teams end up in the final, their fans should all merge happily at the Fuente de Apolo which conveniently sits smack-bang between the two clubs' adopted celebration spots. Not much chance of that happening I'd say. I also imagine the policía won't thank the beer firm for its suggestion.

     Real reached their first Champions League final in 12 years and took one step closer to la Décima - the 10th European Cup which has turned into an obsession within the club - by humiliating Bayern Munich on what proved to be a record-breaking evening. Madrid's 1-0 win in the first leg left the tie finely poised, the players aware that if they kept a clean sheet they would progress. But this team was not made to sit back and defend; Real's 'signature move' is the lightning-fast counter-attack, and the team stayed true to its methods. If they scored one, Bayern would have to score two; if they scored two, Bayern would have to score three; and if they scored three, the Germans would have to beat San Iker an unthinkable four times. In the end, even this feat would not have proved enough to save the Bavarians after a powerful Cristiano Ronaldo free kick at the death made the score 4-0 to los Blancos. At the Allianz Arena. It was Bayern's heaviest ever home defeat in European competition. It was also the worst defeat of Guardiola's career.
Guardiola: "I read in Madrid that
they're already in the CL final"
YOU READ RIGHT
     The week had started with the Munich coach in bullish mood in the press, confident of his team's chances of getting through to the final. He's been in football long enough to know that a 1-0 first leg victory is easily overturned, and will have recalled Bayern crushing Barcelona 7-0 on aggregate at this stage of the competition last year. However by the end of the game on Tuesday the Catalan was being lambasted by fans, who booed his decision to replace the hard-working but ineffective Thomas Müller with rotund Chelsea reject Claudio Pizarro in the 72nd minute. By that point though, the game had long been over as a contest.
     In truth, the referee could have ended the game at half time and the German fans would have been grateful. Real were already three goals to the good and could well have been even further in front. Bayern's tactics seemed to play into Madrid's hands and the Spanish team were 2-0 up before 20 minutes had shown up on the board, both goals coming from the same source - the flat forehead of Sergio Ramos. It seemed the Munich defence had decided that marking the opposition's most potent aerial threat was beneath them and twice the Andalusian stole in unmarked to smash the ball home with that slab above his suspiciously small eyes - the first after 15 minutes from a perfect Modrić corner, the second from an Ángel di María free kick Madrid were fortunate to win just four minutes later. I was left to curse my luck for not finding time to get to BetFred before the game as I fancied Ramos at 25-1 for the first goal. For those that don't know, his odds would have then doubled, leaving me with £50 profit for even a poxy £1 bet. Fiddlesticks.
Karaoke. Madrid-style
     Far more lucky than I was Ramos himself who, quite apart from scoring his side's first two goals, was walking a tightrope with a booking to his name before the match - were he to get carded during the game, the centre-back would miss the final through suspension. If you thought that he'd therefore take things easy and stand off a bit, you'd be dead wrong. And if you thought he'd be hauled off at half-time with his team winning 3-0 and almost certainly through, you'd be wrong again. Sucks to be you, if that's the case. The Seville native was in the frame every single time there were any verbals or handbags between the two sets of players in the first half, leaving Ancelotti's eyebrow squirming in discomfort until it had seen enough and finally hooked the Madrid number 4 in the 74th minute.
     Unfortunately for Real, Xabi Alonso was neither as lucky nor as clever in the challenge as his teammate, and he will now miss the final after receiving a booking for a silly, needless tackle on 37 minutes. The player was absolutely devastated, left lying on the turf and wishing he could turn back time. If it didn't work for Cher, it sure as hell ain't gonna work for you, matey, excellent red beard or not. The midfielder's dismay will not have been helped by CR7, who was still berating him for his idiocy as they lined up in the wall to block the resulting free kick.
CR7 eventually realised he didn't have
enough hands to count to 15
     What made the yellow card even worse was that Real Madrid already had the tie in the bag by that point, Ronaldo breaking the record for the highest amount of goals in a Champions League season with his 15th in the competition just after the half-hour mark. As in the first leg, Madrid countered from within their own box and ended up scoring within a matter of seconds. However, whereas their goal at the Bernabéu took ten touches from end to end, their third on the night at the Allianz Arena took just nine, presumably because they didn't use Pepe's arse at any point this time. Lessons learned and all that. On the halfway line a beautiful ball once more from the hard-working Karim Benzema fed Gareth Bale who scorched towards goal before dumbfounding both Dante and Manuel Neuer with a cute reverse pass to Ronaldo with his wrong foot. The Portuguese made no mistake from just within the area, although Neuer will be angry with himself for allowing the ball to slip under his body.
     Bayern Munich had started to lose their discipline after the second goal and their bad mood just got worse the longer the contest went on, typified by Franck Ribéry slapping Dani Carvajal while the referee wasn't looking. Before the game Guardiola claimed that the Frenchman - like a smaller, pinker version of the Incredible Hulk - is at his best when he's angry. Despite a couple of short runs, the tricky winger resembled a pedestrian Bruce Banner rather than his green alter ego on the night. Conversely, Mario Mandžukić was a thorn in Real's side, albeit not with his footballing ability. The giant Croatian was seemingly tasked with sticking to Pepe and intercepting the Madrid number 3 any time he looked like provoking a riot.
Even Alonso's in there somewhere
     Guardiola appeared to have a bit of a rethink at half time and, deciding that stopping Pepe from inciting violence on the terraces wasn't his overriding priority, took off his striker in order to bring on Javi Martínez. Although a seemingly puzzling move, the substitution actually served to steady the boat for the Bavarian side and made them look far more of a team than the rabble they had started the match as. The Bayern coach conceded after the game that he'd been at fault and would take the blame for his players' poor performance. He need not have rushed to reproach himself though - the German papers were way ahead of him. Be that as it may, Real Madrid looked to be settling for the 3-0 scoreline until the last minute of normal time, when CR7 stepped up and smashed a free kick beneath the wall to record his 16th Champions League goal in just 10 games. It was also his 51st in 50 European games for los Merengues. Real Madrid are also now the team to have scored the most Champions League goals in a single season. So, like I said at the start, record breaking.

Mou's tactics board vs Liverpool
     The only thing broken at Stamford Bridge 24 hours later - apart from the public transport system - was John Terry; the Chelsea captain left sobbing like a lost child in a department store after Liga leaders Atlético Madrid handed a few stern lessons to the repeatedly and loudly self-proclaimed 'Champions of Europe'. José Mourinho has developed a reputation for 'parking the bus,' most recently taking 3 points from Anfield in a game where his tactics seemed to be simply to sit back with 10 men behind the ball and wait for Liverpool to screw up. Boring as hell, but then again he came away with a victory over the league leaders so he won't mind the criticism.
     On Wednesday though, Mou acted out of character and made an attacking substitution early on in the second half, taking off Ashley Cole - who's beard was not a touch on that sported by Arda Turan - and bringing on Samuel Eto'o. Most uncharacteristic. It appeared the Portuguese had blinked first in his staring contest with Cholo Simeone, although to be fair there's not many in the world mad enough to actually get into a staring competition with the perennially black-shirted Argentine. By that point in the game the 1-1 scoreline was weighted in Atleti's favour following the 0-0 stalemate at the Vicente Calderón last week.
     Atlético, resembling Olympiakos more than usual after having to dump their normal Blackburn-inspired blue shorts for red ones due to stupid modern-football stipulations about kit clashes, started with the fit-again Arda Turan but minus both Gabi and Raúl García and consequently struggled to impose themselves on the game in the early stages. The fear among the spectators in the ground was that they were set to watch another insipid 0-0 draw heading inexorably to penalties, and apart from dives from Diego Costa and Chelsea survivalist Ray Mears the only thing to enliven the opening 30 minutes was an audacious bicycle-kick from emotionally stunted man-boy-mop Davy Lewis.
Maybe he'd forgotten how to celebrate?
     The 3,000 travelling fans had kicked up a ruckus for the entire game, absolutely dominating the subservient home crowd, but los Colchoneros were silenced in the 36th minute. The lively and inventive Willian wriggled free from two challenges tight to the corner flag before César Azpilicueta delivered the ball in to former Atleti fan and wunder-kind Fernando Torres who finished with aplomb. And a healthy deflection off a defender. As is currently all the rage, el Niño held up his hands and refused to celebrate scoring against his boyhood club, but the Chelsea players and fans in attendance had no such quandaries and celebrated with great vim. Nonetheless, Atleti's task remained the same as it had at the outset and the team knew one goal would still be enough to see them through to the final.
Olympiakos Atleti players celebrate
in front of the travelling thousands
     That goal duly arrived right on the stroke of half time. The impressive if slightly raggedy-looking Tiago chipped a delicious ball across the box that looked for all the world like it was heading out for a goal kick but was kept in play by Juanfran. The right-back played like a train all evening, and just managed to keep the ball in play by hooking it across the face of goal - it flashed past two Chelsea defenders and arrived at a mildly surprised-looking Adrián. The man from Teverga only has one league goal to his name this season but didn't fail from a few yards out, his shot careering into the floor before bouncing into the back of the net right in front of the Atleti fans, who proceeded to go mental. After the game the man with the wide smile and the number 7 on his back described it as "the most important goal of my career". Advantage Atlético.
     The Chelsea manager's decision to replace Cole with Eto'o at the start of the second half did have an impact on the game, just not the one he would've wanted. Within 10 minutes of coming on, the former Real Madrid and Barcelona player committed a lazy forward's challenge on Diego Costa as the striker controlled a high corner, and referee Nicola Rizzoli duly pointed to the spot. Diego Costa dusted himself off and placed the ball down to take the resulting penalty himself. Then he placed it again. And again. Growing increasingly frustrated at the ball's refusal to either stay still or out of a hole the Brazilian pawed at the turf and eventually drew a yellow card from the ref, who assumed he was playing mind games. Costa eventually placed the ball at the bottom of the hole he'd dug then stepped up and rocketed it into the roof of the net. His unstoppable spot-kick made it 2-1 on the hour mark. Match point Atlético.
A sea of red in the corner of Stamford Bridge
     At this point los Rojiblancos were running the game entirely and impudently passing through and around Chelsea at their leisure. The suffering home fans were even subjected to a chorus of olés from the away end during one particularly attractive period of possession. Ten minutes after Costa's penalty, Atlético put the game to bed and secured passage to their first European Cup final since 1974. A lovely flowing move ended with a peach of a cross being curled into the far post where the late-arriving Arda Turan played a one-two with the crossbar before slotting his side's third goal. Checkmate: Game, set and match Atlético.
     Chelsea weren't terrible but were outclassed by their opponents, albeit with the help of a fortunate first goal to allow them back into the match. Willian played well for the Blues but by far their most dangerous player was the effervescent Eden Hazard, only just back from injury. Conversely, most of the men wearing red and white played out of their skins; Tiago, Arda Turan, Koke and Juanfran to the fore. With a few minutes remaining the home fans roused themselves enough for a chorus in support of their manager in spite of the defeat, but were then outsung by the Atleti fans who responded with "José Mourinho, hijo de puta" belted out with great gusto.
He cries when he wants, he cries when he waaaaants,
brave John Terry, he cries when he wants
     Upon the final whistle the away section went crazy and their players went over to celebrate with them. Luckily the cameras managed to spot John Terry wandering forlornly around the pitch and lingered with the image for a few seconds before cutting to an ad break. I'd like to think whoever was in charge of the coverage overruled the companies who had paid for advertising time and delayed going to the break. Despite the fact they'd reached the first Champions League final in their lives, a few Atleti players took the time to commiserate the Chelsea skipper. You can bet your bottom dollar, euro, peseta or lira that Terry would not have done so had the roles been reversed. The Atleti players showed what class is, there. As for myself, I have no qualms where it comes to this player and will freely admit I laughed my arse off at the images on my screen. As did probably another 89% of the country. Unconfirmed reports have surfaced since the game that Terry has asked his mum to nick him full Real and Atlético Madrid kits from Sports Direct...
     Mourinho was in uncharacteristically charitable mood after the game and congratulated Atlético Madrid on an excellent game, conceding they had deserved to go though. And for once, I actually think he was being sincere. For his part Cholo Simeone congratulated his players' mothers - as his whole squad had been born with "massive balls". The London underground had started running once more before the final whistle blew, but I got the distinct impression the Spanish fans were in no rush to leave Stamford Bridge.

     The two results mean that this year's edition will be the fifth European Cup final to be contested between two sides from the same country. Even more importantly, it will be the first ever decider in which two rivals from the same city will face off. It'll be interesting to see how they work out the fountain situation: The football will be played in Lisbon, but within the football world all eyes will be on Madrid.



Monday, 7 April 2014

Week 32 review & look ahead to Champions League quarter finals

And so Game Week 32 mirrored Game Week 31, at least at the top of the table. The leading trio all recorded wins in the same fashion as the week before: Atlético won by the odd-goal against a tough opponent, Barcelona struggled more than expected before triumphing, with another Messi penalty, and Real Madrid blew away yet another potential banana skin.
A table of the ten players in La Liga to have played the most minutes this season includes seven from Atleti, which just goes to show how well manager Diego Simeone has done with a thinly-stretched squad. Perhaps this statistic is beginning to take its toll on the team, along with a prolonged Champions League run, as Cholo had to do without Diego Costa, Arda Turan, Miranda and Gabi (who was suspended) for his team's third successive 1-0 win, this time against Villarreal. Captain for the day Raúl García nodded home the winner after 14 minutes, and very pleased he looked about it, too. And why the hell not.
Barça beat rock-bottom Real Betis 3-1 in a game that was far more nervy for the Catalans than many would have expected. Messi took two penalties and ended the game with two goals. However, both were not directly from the spot - his second was a tame effort which was saved by former Real 'keeper Antonio Adán. Unfortunately for the man between the sticks, he could only parry the shot straight back into Messi's path, leaving the diminutive Argentine equal second in the Pichichi list with Diego Costa, on 25 goals.
Ronaldo, who leads the standings with a calculator-defying 28 goals, missed the chance to further extend his lead after he was left out of the Real squad altogether for the team's 4-0 win over Real Sociedad due to injury. Di María was also crocked, and los Blancos seemed to be making hard work of the game until former Sociedad midfielder and man of many letters Asier Illarramendi unexpectedly popped up to notch the opener right on half time. Claudio Bravo in the Sociedad goal then punted the ball straight to Bale, who made no mistake from 35 yards just after the hour mark, before Pepe and Álvaro Morata rounded off the scoring in the last five minutes to make the game look far more comfortable than it really was.
Elsewhere, the weird Friday night spot was booked for a six-pointer at the foot of the table, Osasuna coming out on top away at Juegos Mediterráneos against Almería. Los Rojillos clambered out of the relegation zone to the relative safety and warmth of 16th, while Almería remain deep in the proverbial. The only game on Saturday not to feature one of the top three was at Vallecas, where Rayo Vallecano trounced Celta Vigo 3-0, Alberto Bueno bagging a nicely-taken brace. Sunday saw two goal-fests and two not-so-goal-fests; Málaga and Sevilla both winning 4-1 at home in Andalucía against Granada and Espanyol respectively, while Elche beat Getafe 1-0 and the battle of the Vs ended 0-0, Valencia and Valladolid sharing the spoils. Well, those Vs have to look after each other, don't they? The graveyard Monday night spot belongs to Levante and Athletic Bilbao this week. Well, technically I suppose the spot belongs to the sponsors who make sure that games kick off at seemingly the most random times and days, but who are we to quibble, the mere fans and paying punters?

Messi doing footballing last week
Following Saturday's three-point hauls for the leading pack, their attentions turned quickly to the Champions League. Three will become two (at most) this week, as Real look to see out the job against Borussia Dortmund, and the top two in La Liga face off at the Vicente Calderón. The first leg of the all-Spanish quarter final ended 1-1 between Barça and Atleti, and the tie is on a knife edge ahead of Wednesday's return. Atleti would appear to be in the driving seat, playing at home as they are, but they will still be without key players. Diego Costa has returned to training, but it's hard to believe he'll be more than 80% fit. Even so, the man's a bull and would likely cause Barcelona's shaky back-line problems no matter his state of fitness. The magnificently-bearded Arda Turan will be as big a miss should he also not make the game as expected. Howard Webb will be the man shouldering 75% of the blame for whichever team bows out.
Lewa counts his goals last year


Real Madrid look forward to completing their task against football-hipster favourites Dortmund after winning the first leg 3-0. However, they are haunted by the memories of last season's exit to the same team, and one man in particular - Robert Lewandowski. The Pole, now painted as an 'ogre' by Marca, bagged four goals in the first meeting between the sides last season, and is available once more after suspension for Tuesday's game. His shadow looms large over the Madrid side, but los Blancos should be able to see out the result from their advantage in the first leg. CR7 had been predicted to start on the bench, but broke down 20 minutes into training on Monday evening, and is now predicted to miss out entirely.
In news from the other two ties, it has been reported that the PSG players will each receive a bonus of EUR450,000 if they put Chelsea out of the competition, although this will prove slightly harder, despite their 3-1 lead, after it emerged that the Zlatan has picked up an injury and is set for a month on the sidelines. He will no doubt use this time to invent a cure for the common cold and celebrate by repeatedly karate kicking the Pope in the back of the head during Sunday Mass. Probably. Meanwhile, Bayern Munich has apparently sought an apology from both the Mirror and the Sun after the tabloids labelled Bastian Schweinsteiger a pig in the wake of the 1-1 draw between Manchester United and the Bayern machine. The midfielder was sent off following a dive from Rooney, and the two British papers ran headlines calling him a 'dirty Schwein,' in an attempt at language-defying wordplay. All fun and games surely, and no doubt the player will be able to get over the whole name-calling affair if his teammates do the business at home this week.