Follow on Twitter;
https://twitter.com/Londrileno
Showing posts with label Ramos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ramos. Show all posts

Friday, 24 October 2014

History men and the Coca-Cola hater - Wk8 (+ Clásico preview)

     Week eight didn't see too much change at either the top or the bottom of the table, the only shock - although it was a proper shock - was Valencia losing away to Deportivo. Though to be fair they did keep up their knack of being involved in games featuring three goals. The real action is to be awaited next week, with the arrival of the first Clásico of the season at the Bernabéu. Luis Suárez will expect to feature for the first time in La Liga, Messi will hope to finally equal - or beat - Telmo Zarra's all-time La Liga goalscoring record, and CR7 will aim to extend his ridiculous run of goals.
     But before all that, there was some league action to get out of the way. Barcelona eventually beat Eibar 3-0 but made heavier work of the game than they would have either wanted or expected against a resolute defence thanks to some poor finishing, and could have in fact gone in behind at the break after Ander Capa rounded Claudio Bravo only to inexplicably pull his finish wide of the unguarded net. The opening goal, when it came on the hour mark, was not scored by Messi but made by him, a delicately balanced pass dissecting the five-man defence and leaving Xavi with the task of lifting it over the 'keeper. Neymar then made the man between the sticks look very foolish thanks to his well-struck volley before history-man Messi scored his 250th Primera División
All-time top scorers; one behind Zarra
goal almost straight from kickoff. It was a typical Messi strike as he cavorted with tiny, whirling legs like a cartoon mouse through the fringes of the defence before playing a neat one-two with his strike partner and unerringly burying the ball in the far post. Nonetheless, the little man also showed a side of his characted hinted at previously by former manager Pep Guardiola, later refusing Luis Enrique's instructions to come off. This is the side of the man many in the #teamMessi camp try to gloss over, arguing that Ronaldo is the only selfish, petulant one. Books and their covers.
     For his part, CR7 continued his phenomenal scoring run, notching his 14th and 15th of the season in the 5-0 win at Levante - the first a penalty at a nice height that the 'keeper should have done better with, and the second coming just after the hour mark. Between these, Chicharito scored his third goal in all-white via the crossbar with a horribly mis-hit header, followed by James Rodríguez, with a fabulous chest and volley, and Isco making their marks. I don't know what goes on in the Madrid changing room (though unluckily I have a furtive imagination), but I reckon Ronaldo will not have been happy with Isco for planting the ball into the top corner from the edge of the box instead of passing to the unmarked Portuguese goal-eater to his right. No matter, CR7 still beat a 71-year record with his 15 goals in seven games averaging 2.14 per match, better than Esteban Echevarria's 14 in seven way back in 1943. The exciting thing, apart from being bang on form at exactly the right time, is that CR7 could well be on his way to beating Messi's record of 50 league goals in a season, barring injury. To be fair, he's never even injured anymore anyway.
     Real's victory moved them up to third thanks to Valencia's massive slip-up and first defeat of the season at the Riazor. This really was one game where the form book was well and truly ripped up. Los Che were looking good, hanging onto the shirttails of Barcelona in the Champions League spots atop the Primera División and had only dropped points twice all season, whereas Depor's solitary victory of the season came against fellow promoted side Eibar back in Week 3. The opening goal was freaky - not to be confused with the Spanish friki. Less than a month after scoring his first goal as a professional, José Gayá chalked up his first own-goal on Sunday. A devilish corner was bearded
Do not show this
to Lucas Pérez
into the box by Haris Medunjanin and headed goalwards only for the unfortunate left-back on the post to knock it just over the line with his arm after it rebounded off the inside of the stanchion. Well spotted by the linesman too, might I add. Coca-Cola hater Lucas Pérez doubled Depor's lead before halftime by racing onto a flick-on before finishing from an unseemly angle. He proceeded to demonstrate his distaste for sugary carbo-drinks by kicking the nearest Coca-Cola sign. He'd have kicked them all, given half the chance, but sanity prevailed and he went to celebrate with the fans - or at least those drinking water or orange juice. The rout was completed ten minutes from time when Toché scampered onto a beautiful through-ball to fire straight through hapless 'keeper Yoel. Luckily, by this time Pérez had been subbed off for former king Juan Carlos, and so the fans in the stands were able to triumphantly gambol about with their cans of fizzy pop, emptying them all over each other and generally creating a sticky mess. Which is why Pérez hates the stuff with such a passion in the first place.
     Sevilla managed to stay within touching distance of Barcelona courtesy of a professional win away at Elche. From just three shots on target all game against their determined hosts, Unai Emery's troops managed to bag two goals. After some pinballing around the area from a reasonably aimless freekick, Carlos 'wacky' Bacca bundled the ball over the line for the opener just before an hour had been played, with his teammates then strangely dissipating to the four separate corners of the ground to celebrate. Curious. Kévin Gameiro then made the points secure when he headed in Denis Suárez' cross just over ten minutes later, and I can happily report that the players celebrated in a more traditional manner, encroaching on their goalgetting teammate rather than running away as fast as possible. I dunno, maybe Bacca gets all Luiz Suárez-y after scoring? Who indeed can say.
     Atlético Madrid got back on track after their defeat to Valencia last time out by reverting to their original tried-and-trusted gameplan, eventually ousting Espanyol 2-0 at home. After 274 successive corners were cut out at the near post, the champions utterly bamboozled the defence with a short corner routine. Which didn't work. However, when the ball inevitably popped out of the area again it was duly slung straight back in, where Tiago rose highest to head the ball back across 'keeper Casilla (no 's') and into the bottom corner. Much huff was huffed and much puff puffed before Atleti managed to double their league in the 71st minute. Yet another corner led to much gnashing of teeth in the box before José Giménez smacked a header across goal. It may have been about to cross the line for the Uruguayan's first Atleti goal, but hometown kid Mario Suárez gleefully nipped in and took credit. Twelve Atleti players have now scored this season, so it appears they're all taking on the burden of replacing Diego Costa's goals.
     Real Sociedad's winless streak now stretches back a whole six weeks after they were defeated at home by Getafe, with a lot of help from their Star Wars star. Sociedad thought they had stolen a
Two goals for this fella
late winner thanks to youngster Pablo Hervías' first senior goal in the 82nd minute, but were cruelly denied any points whatsoever courtesy of two late, late goals from that little green man Yoda. First goal scored right on the cusp of 90, was. Calm finish too, it was, while second followed in third minute of three added on, much thanks to Sammir skill. Almería's uncertain form continued on the road at El Madrigal, where Ikechukwu Uche's second and third goals of the season for El Submarino Amarillo did for them. The goals were scored from a cumulative distance of about five yards, and he came very close to fucking up the second one completely, getting very lucky for the ball to bounce straight back to him off the 'keeper. Athletic Bilbao's European headaches continue as, even though they're one of the teams available on the demo of Pro Evolution Soccer '15, they remain winless in the league since Week 2. Things seemed to be looking up for the Basques when they took an early lead against Celta Vigo through an Aritz Aduriz penalty after a spot kick was awarded rather harshly for handball against former Barcelona yute Sergi Gómez. However, Celta Vigo have goal threats of their own, and they managed to haul themselves level when Nolito calmly tucked the ball into the corner of the net from inside the area, making it look far more straightforward than it actually was. The first game of the weekend was also the one which saw the fewest goals scored, as Granada eventually succumbed at home to Rayo Vallecano - the Madrid side collecting all three points in the 93rd minute through a strike from that "40-goal a season" wonder-forward Manucho. With his first goal for the club.
     And so attention turns to the first "Biggest Match in the World" of the season, with Barcelona visiting the Bernabéu on Saturday evening. The mad, mad goal spree Ronaldo's on comes face to face with Claudio Bravo, who is still yet to concede a solitary goal this season, while Toni Kroos, James Rodríguez, Ivan Rakitic, Jérémy Mathieu and Luis Suárez are all set to join the Barcelona 'keeper in experiencing their first taste of Clásico action. In good news for the home side, Ancelotti
More of this to come on Sat, no doubt
has confirmed that both Pepe and Sergio Ramos are fit to start at the base of the team, his eyebrow tapping out in Morse code to let the gathered reporters know he has already picked his line-up for Saturday's festivities. He didn't divulge any more, but Bale will almost definitely miss out after damaging an arse muscle - Lord only knows what monkey man's been up to. He'll almost definitely be replaced, as in the midweek stroll at Anfield, by Isco. The Andalucian looked on top form against Liverpool and will hope to keep that going into the biggest game of the season so far, although he could possibly be overlooked in favour of a more defensively-minded player. Ancelotti conceded both teams are far stronger in attack than defence and maintained that whoever attacks best will win, though his eyebrow piped up again to question why the game is kicking off at 6pm (local time), when "most people are still in the park". Methinks he's got a bit of an old-fashioned view of what people are up to. I mean kids don't even go outside any more or climb trees, do they? All with their flipping Gameboys and Tamagotchis...
     His opposite number will no doubt receive a 'warm' welcome from the partisan home crowd, with a lot of the build-up in the week focusing on 'turncoat' Luis Enrique. The main dilemma facing the former Madrid midfielder appears to be the decision whether to start with Luis Suárez or not. Messi and Neymar have finally hit it off on the pitch after a whole season playing together and the manager may be wary of introducing a new element, no matter how talented, immediately for such a big occasion. In addition, the little scrote's seriously short on game-time. On the other hand, the
All should play some part,
apart from the injured monkey boy
fact that the ratty striker hasn't played a proper game for the team yet could well play into Enrique's hands as Real Madrid won't be able to count on any scouting of how his team might line up, or what patterns of play will be employed. As here in the UK, the Spanish bookies are enjoying themselves with the return of Suárez, offering odds on who the peckish Uruguayan might nibble on first. Shortest odds, of course, are on him biting Ramos and Pepe - though I'm sure a great many attackers would admit they'd like to do the same after playing those two. Messi will surpass Telmo Zarra's all-time Primera División goalscoring record if he scores twice on Saturday, and Iniesta has said he'd "love to see the Bernabéu's reaction" if the Argentine were to achieve that feat.
     No matter what, it's sure not to be a boring game (I just pray I haven't jinxed it by saying that). So enjoy! Even if you do miss the first 15 minutes if tuning in on SkySports...


Footballer Cockney Rhyming Slang


Wayne (Bridge):
meaning;   an appliance in which foodstuffs are kept cool
example;   "Anyone need a fresh beer from the Wayne? I'm heading into the kitchen anyway."

Mark (Gower): although David can also be used on occasion
meaning;   a cubicle or bath in which a person stands under a spray of water to be washed
example;   "I'm well fucking muddy after that match. A quick Mark and I'm back off down the pub."


Thursday, 8 May 2014

Papa Ramos' big week ends badly

     On Tuesday night Sergio Ramos' other half Pilar Rubio gave birth to the couple's first son. Within 24 hours the Real Madrid centre-back had scored his fifth goal in four games to put his team ahead against Real Valladolid; leading by example, practically dragging his team forward single-handedly at times. So good was he, in fact, that it seemed he must have made a pact with Rubio to name their son after the man of the match from last night's game: The name Sergio Ramos chose for his son was...Sergio Ramos. He missed a trick there by not calling him Val Kilmer.
     Ramos was everywhere, turning up to great effect at either end of the field and everywhere in between. 'Imperious' just about covers his performance. And yet he didn't end up on the winning team. Neither did any of the opposition. In fact, the only team that really won last night wasn't even playing: Barcelona stand to gain most from Madrid failing to take this 90 minutes by the throat.
The lesser-spotted Casillas
     The man from Camas, just outside Seville, led the team like a man possessed without the need to wear the captain's armband. That particular honour fell to the man who hadn't turned out in the league for Madrid in 473 days; Iker Casillas. San Iker's last league game for los Blancos was on January 10 last year, when they beat Valencia 5-0 at the Mestalla. He's still managed 21 games this season thanks to the team's run to the final of both the Champions League and the Copa del Rey, but is only playing the remaining Liga matches in order to stay match-fit ahead of the CL final against Atlético. Still, his record isn't half bad, keeping clean sheets in 14 of those games and only conceding 9 in total. As good as that record was, it now reads 10 conceded in 22 after a headed Valladolid equaliser 5 minutes from time at Estadio Nuevo José Zorrilla.
     The orange Blancos streamed forward right from the off and looked for all the world like they'd steam straight into Valladolid, manager Ancelotti announcing before the game that his side wouldn't sit back or take things easily. However, apart from a storming first 3 minutes, that's exactly what his team did. They laboured in possession, seemingly bereft of ideas after resting several key players for a variety of reasons. The cause was not helped when Cristiano Ronaldo limped off after only 9 minutes holding the left leg he'd shown to Ancelotti in training earlier in the day. CR7 remained in the Madrid dugout in his kit 'til the end of the game, but grew increasingly frustrated at his teammates' inability to take charge of the net. Indeed, next to him Carlo Ancelotti's eyebrow jiggled more and more nervously the longer it seemed his side wouldn't find a way through a tight defensive line consisting of 6 Valladolid players at some points.
Papa Ramos celebrates his goal
     Eventually the capital team managed to break the deadlock through an ever-more reliable source - Sergio Ramos senior. The Madrid number 4 took over free kick duties from Ángel Di María after the Argentine had lofted a previous effort tamely into the stands, and curled a pearler of a set piece over the wall and past the despairing dive of Jaime. Ramos ran straight over the the bench to celebrate with Ronaldo, or perhaps to tell him that he'd just made him his free kick bitch. We can only speculate. Nonetheless, my tardiness was punished as I ran out of time before the game to stop into the bookies and place a bet on el Comanche to score first. I really should leave my bloody house earlier when Ramos is on the scoring trail, damnit..
     The goal didn't serve to spur Madrid on, unfortunately, and the longer the game went on, the deeper they sat, leaving Ancelotti's eyebrow to pace up and down the Italian's face with worry. Passing moves starting from a corner would end up all the way back on the halfway line, or even back with Casillas. Yes, I realise it's novel and fun to have San Iker back in the team, but try and win the game rather than sitting on a dodgy one goal lead for an hour! If nothing else, the result shows that teams should stay true to their principles. Madrid were built to attack, and that's what they should've kept doing.
     As Del Boy always said, and was never proved wrong; "He who dares wins". - Only counts if you say it in English though, Tottingham fans, soz. - Real Madrid were too afraid to kill the game off, and were punished for some lax defending from a corner in the 85th minute, Humberto Osorio heading majestically home past Casillas. No amount of match-practice could've helped San Iker save that header, though perhaps some more lessons on defending corners wouldn't go amiss in the capital as two defenders seemed to collide and get in each others' way.
Ancelotti's eyebrow; not amused
     Looking back on the game, Val Kilmer Papa Ramos lamented the fact his team had "settled" for the 1-0 win, and conceded the Liga challenge is now Shirley over. Ancelotti, fluttering eyebrow the only thing giving away any real emotion beneath his steely facade, claimed rather hopefully that "we controlled that game apart from the last 20 minutes. Iker Casillas had barely a save to make, in the end we tried but it proved impossible. I don't think it was down to a lack of attitude; we lacked a bit of mental energy, we conceded a goal from a set-piece and that's what kept us from winning." Xabi Alonso was more realistic, saying his team displayed neither the concentration nor the intensity to close out the game.
     As things stand, Atleti will be crowned champions if they draw their last two games; Barcelona if they win both of theirs. However, the most likely scenario is that Atleti will walk over Málaga this weekend (los Boquerones have been useless and handing out free points to the opposition for weeks now, if not months) then no doubt allow Barcelona the points needed on the final weekend to ensure Real Madrid finish third. Mark my words, the bookies will be offering short odds on this. However, Real only have themselves to blame. They could have overtaken Barcelona if they'd only had the courage of their convictions last night. And a few more Sergio Ramoses. At least there's one more in the world now, even if it may not help them this season.

     Elsewhere, the National Anti-Violence Commission has increased the fine levied against Villarreal for the Alves/banana incident by a whole EUR6,000!!! Yes, you read that right - EUR6,000! That'll learn 'em! To be fair, the Commission also recommended the banana-chucker be banned from entering stadia for a further two years. But I though Villarreal had already revoked his membership and banned him for life? I'm sure this shows they mean business when tackling racism; throw a banana at a player and not only will you be banned for life, your ashes won't be allowed inside any grounds for two years after you're brown bread.
     Down in the Segunda, the expected sale of Real Zaragoza will not be going ahead tomorrow as planned after a judge in the Codesport case ruled that any money brought in by Agapito Iglesias from the deal would be seized.
El derbi canario - #bigtings
     The biggest game in the second tier this weekend is undoubtedly the Canary Islands derby between Las Palmas and Tenerife. The pair have an intense rivalry ranked among the top 50 in the world and Saturday's game should be pretty epic, all the more so as both are in the top 6 and could yet face off again in the promotion playoffs. Juan Carlos Valerón, of Deportivo de La Coruña, Spain and Championship Manager fame who is now back at first club Las Palmas, says he "cannot wait" for the derby and is still pained by his team's 3-0 defeat earlier in the season. That was the 38-year-old's first ever derby against the eternal rivals, as the two teams were in different leagues throughout his first spell with the club. 'El Flaco' has no doubt the Estadio de Gran Canaria will be full to its 31,000 capacity and is looking forward to an insane atmosphere. This may well prove his last chance to be involved in at such a game should one of the teams go up, so he's sure to enjoy it. One player who won't be enjoying the game from the pitch is Tenerife top goal-getter Ayoze, who misses out due to suspension. He will be replaced by either Raúl Cámara or Javi Moyano, both of whom are only just returning from injury. Although los Blanquiazules have lost their last two games on the spin, Cámara says the squad has been feeding off the energy from the fans in the streets all week, and is 'bang up for it'. Or he would if he were English.
     Meanwhile, league leaders Dépor will be without midfielder Juan Carlos Real for Sunday's game against Alavés after he was injured in training by Alberto Lopo. I think the lesson there is must. be. more. careful..

Sergio Ramos  /   Val Kilmer

Thursday, 1 May 2014

Champs League - Cibeles & Neptune celebrate

     On Monday, Madrid's city council announced that both the Cibeles and Neptune fountains would be cordoned off ahead of this week's Champions League semifinals in case either or both of Real and Atlético Madrid won through to the final. Some may have thought this slightly presumptuous, others foolhardy, but in the end the gamble paid off. On Tuesday night hundreds of Real Madrid fans congregated, as has become customary in times of celebration, by the Fuente de Cibeles, while on Wednesday they were joined by Atleti fans a short walk away at the Fuente de Neptuno.
     The next real problem for the council will be when the two teams face each other in the final on May 24. Although the match itself is being held some 503km away in Lisbon, the place to be - the only place to be, will be Madrid. An advert for Mahou beer which began airing on Wednesday suggested rather naively that if both teams end up in the final, their fans should all merge happily at the Fuente de Apolo which conveniently sits smack-bang between the two clubs' adopted celebration spots. Not much chance of that happening I'd say. I also imagine the policía won't thank the beer firm for its suggestion.

     Real reached their first Champions League final in 12 years and took one step closer to la Décima - the 10th European Cup which has turned into an obsession within the club - by humiliating Bayern Munich on what proved to be a record-breaking evening. Madrid's 1-0 win in the first leg left the tie finely poised, the players aware that if they kept a clean sheet they would progress. But this team was not made to sit back and defend; Real's 'signature move' is the lightning-fast counter-attack, and the team stayed true to its methods. If they scored one, Bayern would have to score two; if they scored two, Bayern would have to score three; and if they scored three, the Germans would have to beat San Iker an unthinkable four times. In the end, even this feat would not have proved enough to save the Bavarians after a powerful Cristiano Ronaldo free kick at the death made the score 4-0 to los Blancos. At the Allianz Arena. It was Bayern's heaviest ever home defeat in European competition. It was also the worst defeat of Guardiola's career.
Guardiola: "I read in Madrid that
they're already in the CL final"
YOU READ RIGHT
     The week had started with the Munich coach in bullish mood in the press, confident of his team's chances of getting through to the final. He's been in football long enough to know that a 1-0 first leg victory is easily overturned, and will have recalled Bayern crushing Barcelona 7-0 on aggregate at this stage of the competition last year. However by the end of the game on Tuesday the Catalan was being lambasted by fans, who booed his decision to replace the hard-working but ineffective Thomas Müller with rotund Chelsea reject Claudio Pizarro in the 72nd minute. By that point though, the game had long been over as a contest.
     In truth, the referee could have ended the game at half time and the German fans would have been grateful. Real were already three goals to the good and could well have been even further in front. Bayern's tactics seemed to play into Madrid's hands and the Spanish team were 2-0 up before 20 minutes had shown up on the board, both goals coming from the same source - the flat forehead of Sergio Ramos. It seemed the Munich defence had decided that marking the opposition's most potent aerial threat was beneath them and twice the Andalusian stole in unmarked to smash the ball home with that slab above his suspiciously small eyes - the first after 15 minutes from a perfect Modrić corner, the second from an Ángel di María free kick Madrid were fortunate to win just four minutes later. I was left to curse my luck for not finding time to get to BetFred before the game as I fancied Ramos at 25-1 for the first goal. For those that don't know, his odds would have then doubled, leaving me with £50 profit for even a poxy £1 bet. Fiddlesticks.
Karaoke. Madrid-style
     Far more lucky than I was Ramos himself who, quite apart from scoring his side's first two goals, was walking a tightrope with a booking to his name before the match - were he to get carded during the game, the centre-back would miss the final through suspension. If you thought that he'd therefore take things easy and stand off a bit, you'd be dead wrong. And if you thought he'd be hauled off at half-time with his team winning 3-0 and almost certainly through, you'd be wrong again. Sucks to be you, if that's the case. The Seville native was in the frame every single time there were any verbals or handbags between the two sets of players in the first half, leaving Ancelotti's eyebrow squirming in discomfort until it had seen enough and finally hooked the Madrid number 4 in the 74th minute.
     Unfortunately for Real, Xabi Alonso was neither as lucky nor as clever in the challenge as his teammate, and he will now miss the final after receiving a booking for a silly, needless tackle on 37 minutes. The player was absolutely devastated, left lying on the turf and wishing he could turn back time. If it didn't work for Cher, it sure as hell ain't gonna work for you, matey, excellent red beard or not. The midfielder's dismay will not have been helped by CR7, who was still berating him for his idiocy as they lined up in the wall to block the resulting free kick.
CR7 eventually realised he didn't have
enough hands to count to 15
     What made the yellow card even worse was that Real Madrid already had the tie in the bag by that point, Ronaldo breaking the record for the highest amount of goals in a Champions League season with his 15th in the competition just after the half-hour mark. As in the first leg, Madrid countered from within their own box and ended up scoring within a matter of seconds. However, whereas their goal at the Bernabéu took ten touches from end to end, their third on the night at the Allianz Arena took just nine, presumably because they didn't use Pepe's arse at any point this time. Lessons learned and all that. On the halfway line a beautiful ball once more from the hard-working Karim Benzema fed Gareth Bale who scorched towards goal before dumbfounding both Dante and Manuel Neuer with a cute reverse pass to Ronaldo with his wrong foot. The Portuguese made no mistake from just within the area, although Neuer will be angry with himself for allowing the ball to slip under his body.
     Bayern Munich had started to lose their discipline after the second goal and their bad mood just got worse the longer the contest went on, typified by Franck Ribéry slapping Dani Carvajal while the referee wasn't looking. Before the game Guardiola claimed that the Frenchman - like a smaller, pinker version of the Incredible Hulk - is at his best when he's angry. Despite a couple of short runs, the tricky winger resembled a pedestrian Bruce Banner rather than his green alter ego on the night. Conversely, Mario Mandžukić was a thorn in Real's side, albeit not with his footballing ability. The giant Croatian was seemingly tasked with sticking to Pepe and intercepting the Madrid number 3 any time he looked like provoking a riot.
Even Alonso's in there somewhere
     Guardiola appeared to have a bit of a rethink at half time and, deciding that stopping Pepe from inciting violence on the terraces wasn't his overriding priority, took off his striker in order to bring on Javi Martínez. Although a seemingly puzzling move, the substitution actually served to steady the boat for the Bavarian side and made them look far more of a team than the rabble they had started the match as. The Bayern coach conceded after the game that he'd been at fault and would take the blame for his players' poor performance. He need not have rushed to reproach himself though - the German papers were way ahead of him. Be that as it may, Real Madrid looked to be settling for the 3-0 scoreline until the last minute of normal time, when CR7 stepped up and smashed a free kick beneath the wall to record his 16th Champions League goal in just 10 games. It was also his 51st in 50 European games for los Merengues. Real Madrid are also now the team to have scored the most Champions League goals in a single season. So, like I said at the start, record breaking.

Mou's tactics board vs Liverpool
     The only thing broken at Stamford Bridge 24 hours later - apart from the public transport system - was John Terry; the Chelsea captain left sobbing like a lost child in a department store after Liga leaders Atlético Madrid handed a few stern lessons to the repeatedly and loudly self-proclaimed 'Champions of Europe'. José Mourinho has developed a reputation for 'parking the bus,' most recently taking 3 points from Anfield in a game where his tactics seemed to be simply to sit back with 10 men behind the ball and wait for Liverpool to screw up. Boring as hell, but then again he came away with a victory over the league leaders so he won't mind the criticism.
     On Wednesday though, Mou acted out of character and made an attacking substitution early on in the second half, taking off Ashley Cole - who's beard was not a touch on that sported by Arda Turan - and bringing on Samuel Eto'o. Most uncharacteristic. It appeared the Portuguese had blinked first in his staring contest with Cholo Simeone, although to be fair there's not many in the world mad enough to actually get into a staring competition with the perennially black-shirted Argentine. By that point in the game the 1-1 scoreline was weighted in Atleti's favour following the 0-0 stalemate at the Vicente Calderón last week.
     Atlético, resembling Olympiakos more than usual after having to dump their normal Blackburn-inspired blue shorts for red ones due to stupid modern-football stipulations about kit clashes, started with the fit-again Arda Turan but minus both Gabi and Raúl García and consequently struggled to impose themselves on the game in the early stages. The fear among the spectators in the ground was that they were set to watch another insipid 0-0 draw heading inexorably to penalties, and apart from dives from Diego Costa and Chelsea survivalist Ray Mears the only thing to enliven the opening 30 minutes was an audacious bicycle-kick from emotionally stunted man-boy-mop Davy Lewis.
Maybe he'd forgotten how to celebrate?
     The 3,000 travelling fans had kicked up a ruckus for the entire game, absolutely dominating the subservient home crowd, but los Colchoneros were silenced in the 36th minute. The lively and inventive Willian wriggled free from two challenges tight to the corner flag before César Azpilicueta delivered the ball in to former Atleti fan and wunder-kind Fernando Torres who finished with aplomb. And a healthy deflection off a defender. As is currently all the rage, el Niño held up his hands and refused to celebrate scoring against his boyhood club, but the Chelsea players and fans in attendance had no such quandaries and celebrated with great vim. Nonetheless, Atleti's task remained the same as it had at the outset and the team knew one goal would still be enough to see them through to the final.
Olympiakos Atleti players celebrate
in front of the travelling thousands
     That goal duly arrived right on the stroke of half time. The impressive if slightly raggedy-looking Tiago chipped a delicious ball across the box that looked for all the world like it was heading out for a goal kick but was kept in play by Juanfran. The right-back played like a train all evening, and just managed to keep the ball in play by hooking it across the face of goal - it flashed past two Chelsea defenders and arrived at a mildly surprised-looking Adrián. The man from Teverga only has one league goal to his name this season but didn't fail from a few yards out, his shot careering into the floor before bouncing into the back of the net right in front of the Atleti fans, who proceeded to go mental. After the game the man with the wide smile and the number 7 on his back described it as "the most important goal of my career". Advantage Atlético.
     The Chelsea manager's decision to replace Cole with Eto'o at the start of the second half did have an impact on the game, just not the one he would've wanted. Within 10 minutes of coming on, the former Real Madrid and Barcelona player committed a lazy forward's challenge on Diego Costa as the striker controlled a high corner, and referee Nicola Rizzoli duly pointed to the spot. Diego Costa dusted himself off and placed the ball down to take the resulting penalty himself. Then he placed it again. And again. Growing increasingly frustrated at the ball's refusal to either stay still or out of a hole the Brazilian pawed at the turf and eventually drew a yellow card from the ref, who assumed he was playing mind games. Costa eventually placed the ball at the bottom of the hole he'd dug then stepped up and rocketed it into the roof of the net. His unstoppable spot-kick made it 2-1 on the hour mark. Match point Atlético.
A sea of red in the corner of Stamford Bridge
     At this point los Rojiblancos were running the game entirely and impudently passing through and around Chelsea at their leisure. The suffering home fans were even subjected to a chorus of olés from the away end during one particularly attractive period of possession. Ten minutes after Costa's penalty, Atlético put the game to bed and secured passage to their first European Cup final since 1974. A lovely flowing move ended with a peach of a cross being curled into the far post where the late-arriving Arda Turan played a one-two with the crossbar before slotting his side's third goal. Checkmate: Game, set and match Atlético.
     Chelsea weren't terrible but were outclassed by their opponents, albeit with the help of a fortunate first goal to allow them back into the match. Willian played well for the Blues but by far their most dangerous player was the effervescent Eden Hazard, only just back from injury. Conversely, most of the men wearing red and white played out of their skins; Tiago, Arda Turan, Koke and Juanfran to the fore. With a few minutes remaining the home fans roused themselves enough for a chorus in support of their manager in spite of the defeat, but were then outsung by the Atleti fans who responded with "José Mourinho, hijo de puta" belted out with great gusto.
He cries when he wants, he cries when he waaaaants,
brave John Terry, he cries when he wants
     Upon the final whistle the away section went crazy and their players went over to celebrate with them. Luckily the cameras managed to spot John Terry wandering forlornly around the pitch and lingered with the image for a few seconds before cutting to an ad break. I'd like to think whoever was in charge of the coverage overruled the companies who had paid for advertising time and delayed going to the break. Despite the fact they'd reached the first Champions League final in their lives, a few Atleti players took the time to commiserate the Chelsea skipper. You can bet your bottom dollar, euro, peseta or lira that Terry would not have done so had the roles been reversed. The Atleti players showed what class is, there. As for myself, I have no qualms where it comes to this player and will freely admit I laughed my arse off at the images on my screen. As did probably another 89% of the country. Unconfirmed reports have surfaced since the game that Terry has asked his mum to nick him full Real and Atlético Madrid kits from Sports Direct...
     Mourinho was in uncharacteristically charitable mood after the game and congratulated Atlético Madrid on an excellent game, conceding they had deserved to go though. And for once, I actually think he was being sincere. For his part Cholo Simeone congratulated his players' mothers - as his whole squad had been born with "massive balls". The London underground had started running once more before the final whistle blew, but I got the distinct impression the Spanish fans were in no rush to leave Stamford Bridge.

     The two results mean that this year's edition will be the fifth European Cup final to be contested between two sides from the same country. Even more importantly, it will be the first ever decider in which two rivals from the same city will face off. It'll be interesting to see how they work out the fountain situation: The football will be played in Lisbon, but within the football world all eyes will be on Madrid.